Dans mes pensées...

As keepers of our own free will, we are the only ones responsible for what happens in our lives. Every time we perform an action it means that we had a choice to go through with it or not. As humans, it is in our very nature to err. As a result, our actions may sometimes be misguided and may end up hurting those we care about the most. Once again, it is up to us to take action: we can either assume responsibility for the pain we've caused and apologize, or we can simply do nothing.

Personally, I hate feeling like I have unfinished business with others (especially if they were once important in my life), so I would much rather put my pride aside and apologize before I let a situation drag on forever. What happens when it's the other way around, and you're the one who has been hurt? Since you cannot control others' actions, and make them apologize, it is up to you to pick up the pieces of your bruised and battered heart, and make yourself feel better. You, and you alone, are the sole navigator of your life and commander of your emotions.

Easier said than done, eh? Well, it is of utmost importance that you first and foremost learn how to control your thoughts. Emotions are originated within your thoughts; from your perceptions and interpretations of everything and everyone that surrounds you. Once you've mastered this crucial step, I think you will have successfully differentiated yourself from the rest of mankind. With right thought, comes right action. How very Buddhist of me, eh? In reality, it isn't about religion at all. It's just something that I've found to be very true, and something that I myself must consciously work on everyday.

For instance, how many of us are guilty for looking at old photographs, rereading old emails, or looking up people we've lost contact with? We know that the past isn't going to come back to us, yet we still find ourselves devoting some of our time and energy thinking about it. Please don't misinterpret what I'm trying to say, I don't think there is anything wrong with reliving the past, but many times, reliving the past is painful to us - either because a particular memory is painful itself, or because it hurts us that things have changed. Why do we engage in this behavior? Part of me feels that it is precisely because human beings are averse to change and prefer to remain within their comfort zones, what they've grown accustomed to. However, I take pride in being someone who can adjust to new situations quickly. Finding myself in a new environment, meeting new people, or having changed aspects of my personality shouldn't bother me, right? Maybe human beings are masochistic to a certain degree, and we enjoy reliving a painful past simply because we want to feel the strong emotions again? Sounds ludicrous, but I would bet that for some, the reality isn't that far off.

And I come back to the main point of this entire ramble, we are responsible for our lives - everything that happens to us and everything that we feel. I'd like to say that I've discovered the secret to leading a happy, meaningful life, but alas, I'm afraid I'm still a toddler, barely scratching the surface of it all. So what's waiting for us when we finally find this mythical happiness? A Shangri-La where unicorns, mermaids, and Yetis harmoniously coexist as they sit on marble benches to drink mimosas and observe double rainbows? Probably not. It is my opinion that happiness isn't an end goal, but rather a process. It's about enjoying the here and the now, even if your reality isn't what you'd wish it would be. Above all, it's about taking responsibility for your life! You'd be surprised how liberating it feels to know that you and you alone are responsible for your state of mind and well-being.

***So, since the holidays are coming up, it is through this medium that I decide to apologize to those who, for some reason or another, I've hurt with my actions or words. If I have hurt you, trust me when I say that I probably didn't mean to. To those that have hurt me, well, I can't say much except that I'm trying to forgive and forget, not necessarily because you deserve it, but simply because I realized that by holding on to negative emotions, I keep myself from moving on to greater and grander things.***

The most wonderful time of the year

Now that THAT'S out of my system, let me update you guys on what's actually going on in my life. As far as school is concerned, my classes are going smoothly. However, there is a possibility that I won't enroll at FIU next semester. It turns out that the Economics department at FIU is very limited and I haven't been able to enroll in all of the classes I need to take in order to graduate with my third degree by Spring. Since I am planning on going to graduate school in Fall 2011, and already have 2 degrees anyways, it strikes me as pointless to continue studying when I won't be able to finish my third major before then. That said, studying is always better than the alternative, being idle in Honduras. I've got a lot to think about, so I'll let you know what I decide.

I'm finally a volunteer at the Adrienne Arsht Performing Arts Center! Essentially, I'm an usher during performances, but I can be assigned other miscellaneous tasks, too. I've also been volunteering more frequently with Hands on Miami. I'm just trying to keep myself as busy as possible while I finish up grad school applications.

In terms of my romantic situation... Well, to be honest, I kind of started liking someone new. But, as much as I wanted to encourage any kind of positive feelings I might be having, my crush quickly died out. I find it harder and harder to trust people these days, but am doing everything in power to prevent myself from becoming a misanthrope. The fact is I am more fabulous than most people my age, but my fabulosity is highly misunderstood. I still refuse to become one of those girls who is best known for her skills on the mattress though. Just saying... Hehe.

Why me?

The entire world was crumbling beneath my feet. Entire buildings were being wiped off in a matter of seconds; cars falling into the deep crevices - never to be seen again. People I had once cared about had completely dissipated in front of me; vanishing into thin air, into nothingness. Where were they going?

From within me, I felt a pain stronger than I had ever felt before. That pain soon transformed into emptiness. I knew I was alive, but I felt dead inside. So dead in fact, that I truly do not know where I found the strength to hold on to the last bit of hope I had. I felt as if my heart and soul had been replaced by a big, empty hole. As if I had been left with nothing... But somehow, I held on... Somehow, I managed to survive this. Why me?

"Why me?" "Why do these things have to happen to me?" If received a dollar for every time I've asked this, I'd probably be five dollars short of being a millionaire.