1. I hate how long it takes me to straighten my hair. Why do
I still do it? Who cares? Who am I trying to impress?
2. Why am I such a packrat? I was going through my desk the
other day and I found ticket stubs and receipts from when I went to New York
City in 2011. I know that it’s a memory of the first time I went up
to the Empire State Building, but will I really need it in the future? No, of
course not! Having less stuff would make the entire packing process much
easier. And I’ve actually moved around quite a bit in my life already. I know, or should at least
know by now, what is truly important and what isn’t. But no, I keep on holding
on to the most random things ever! Why?
3. Why don’t I cook more often? I actually enjoy cooking. I
like experimenting with different flavors and coming up with concoctions that
end up being heavenly taste explosions. Not only that, but I also like making
others happy by cooking for them. Yet, I don’t do it often enough…
4. Why do I buy so many books? I love to read and if I
could, I’d probably try reading every single book out there. However, that
doesn’t mean that I should feel the need to fork over so much money on books.
It’s like I just can’t contain myself whenever I walk into a bookstore. I
honestly feel that I become a kid at a toy store on the day before Christmas.
5. I don’t know why I post so much stuff on Facebook, or
even why I spend so much time on it. I know that the stuff I post is
inconsequential, and that no one actually checks out EVERYTHING I post. Not
only that, but I’m not really interested in the lives of all my 540 friends.
Yet, it still seems to have this strange effect on me.
6. I proclaim to have good taste in music, but then in
private, I listen to primarily pop. Sure, my musical taste is eclectic and some
of the stuff I listen to could fall into the “good music” category, so why does
my inclination towards pop music make me feel so guilty?
7. I say I want a boyfriend but I never actually do anything
to get one. Whenever a guy shows interest in me, I’m always quick to find some
fault in him – he’s not classy, smart, fun, or attractive enough. And whenever
I like someone, I’m either too big of a coward to let him know how I feel, or I
take too long to do so.
8. Why do I find it so hard to find things to talk about
sometimes? I don’t consider myself an uninteresting person, at all. In fact, I
spend a great deal of my day reading not only news from around the world, but
an entire plethora of interesting tidbits to supplement my ever-growing supply
of knowledge. Yet, when I’m in a social setting, I tend to just clam up and
can’t seem to access that knowledge to making a meaningful contribution. And
it’s not like I don’t want to talk… I do! What’s up with that?
9. I don’t ever dress the way I envision myself dressing. I
see all these cute outfits on fashion blogs, but I always end up buying the
same type of clothes. Why don’t I have the courage to dress up how I’d want to
dress?
10. I keep on telling myself (and others) that pride isn’t
that important to me. However, I find that I often let pride get in my way of
doing things that I truly want to do. For example, I’m a very emotional person
and I like sharing my emotions with those who are close to me. Yet, I find it
very hard to express these feelings directly. Why? Simply because of pride. “I
can’t tell someone that I miss/love/care about them because they never say
these things to me.” Who cares right? If we love someone, we should let them
know. Period. Also, if I’ve made a mistake, my pride often keeps me from
correcting myself. Why? It’s ridiculous and immature. Yet, it happens.
11. Why am I sometimes kinder to others than I am to myself?
I will often find myself forgiving others for things that I can’t forgive
myself for. If a friend tells me that she’s on a diet and that she indulged on
a cookie, I’ll generally be like, “Don’t worry about it. Just get back on track
tomorrow.” But if I were to do the same thing, I wouldn’t let myself hear the
end of it. I’d spend the entire day thinking about how I will burn it off and
accusing myself of being weak… Being hard on oneself is good, but I should
truly learn to be kinder to myself…
12. Why do I keep playing the victim sometimes and try to
get people to pity me? I don’t think anyone should pity me, and I don’t like
inspiring this kind of emotion. I know I’m better off than the majority of the
world’s population - I have everything I need to be happy – health, family,
economic stability, etc. Yet, somehow, I still play the victim from time to
time. Not only that, but I keep on allowing myself to give off this appearance
of being needy. And for the life of me, I simply cannot understand why. Some
people who act needy or like victims aren’t really aware of it. But I am
aware. Fully aware. And yet, I keep on allowing this side of me to take over
sometimes. Why?
13. I love ketchup, but I hate raw tomatoes, especially if
they have the seeds on them. Weird.
14. I think people are amazing and also the worst plague to
ever hit planet Earth. Both. At the same time. Seriously, I find humans to be fascinating - the capacity for love, creativity, intellectual capabilities. Yet, there are always a few bad says who make me think that humans are the worst thing ever, thereby ruining it for everyone else.
15. For the last two years, the thing that I’ve wanted the
most is to leave Honduras. Yet now that I’ll finally be leaving in 2 weeks, I’m
starting to get sad thinking about how much I’ll miss it. I start crying
randomly throughout the day because I know that I’ll never be able to relive
that same exact moment ever again. The sight of the mountains from my window as I
sip on my morning coffee? Gone. The sound of birds chirping gleefully as the sun
is coming up? Gone. The smells emanating from the kitchen as my mother is
preparing lunch? Gone. Sure, I could justify it by saying, "there's nothing but the present moment" (ichi-go ichi-e), but must I cry about it? In fact, I'm tearing up as I’m writing this? I don’t
understand. I give up!
I swear, I've been evalauted psychologically before and there was "nothing wrong with me," so I can't even blame these things on bipolarity or something... I'm just...weird.
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