End of the World Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: Your current relationship. If single discuss how single life is.



My current relationship status is: single (aka, forever alone.) No surprise here. lol. So, how is single life? Well, it's not bad. For starters, I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever it is that my heart desires. I am not committed to anyone in particular, so when making decisions I don't have to consult anyone else. This is particularly beneficial when it comes to travel. I pretty much can just pick a destination and a date, and I'm off. Also, although it really isn't my style, I can pretty much have fun with anyone, anywhere, anytime. I'm not gonna lie, I can be quite successful at flirting when I want to, and being single, I don't have to worry about hurting anyone else's feelings, or crossing certain boundaries. It's quite liberating. hehe

However, I do recognize that there are benefits and advantages that being in a relationship would bestow upon me. For example, I wouldn't have to worry about showing up dateless to family and/or social engagements. But vastly more important, being in a relationship would certainly mitigate my feelings of loneliness. As all of you know, I'm the kind of person that craves deep emotional and intellectual ties to others. And though I do have a multitude of friends who help me in this respect, there is always something missing. I'm not one of those brainless hoes who just wants a boyfriend to get expensive presents, fill up an emotional void, and have someone to make-out with at the end of the day. I need someone who I can talk to about the mysteries of the universe, someone who will cheer me up when I'm feeling down, someone who will encourage my crazy ideas (like studying Esperanto or cooking boeuf bourguignon for the first time while I speak in a French accent.) Believe it or not, and this is something that I don't usually tell people, but one of the things that bothers me the most, is that I'm someone who has a lot of love to give, but simply can't find anyone to give that love to (or at least anyone who wants it.)

I don't think there's anything more beautiful and/or purer than two strangers who come to love each other, choose to spend their lives together, grow together, cry together, overcome obstacles together, build an entire life together. So yea... I'm content with my single life, but if love comes knocking on my door, I won't turn it away. Hehe. They say that good things come to those who wait...

30 Day Challenge: End of the World Edition

So, it's that time of the year again. Time for another 30 Day Challenge! I decided to call it the End of the World Edition, because quite simply, the end is near!!! As you all know, my people (aka, the Mayans) predicted that the world will end on December 21, 2012. Since that is exactly 1 month away, I decided it would be fun to reveal even more information about myself (cause I know you just can't get enough, right?) In any case, I invite all of you to do it as well. Should be interesting... Here's the challenge list:


Day 1 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 2 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 3 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 4 - Your views on religion.
Day 5 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 6 - Describe something you're passionate about.
Day 7 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 8 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 9 - Do you think people have the wrong impression of you? If yes, talk about it.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - If you could turn back time, is there anything you'd do differently?
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month

Clubbing

I had forgotten that clubbing can actually be fun if you're with the right people. However, how some people go clubbing every single weekend is beyond me. I'm okay with doing it one or twice a year. Somewhere between the second and third drink, I couldn't help but realize how the entire scene resembled some modern-day tribal fertility dance: chanting, drums, baby-inducing movements (lol), veneration of gods (in this case, in the form of Hugh Hefner.) Yea, I'm definitely too old for this. From now on, wine and cheese it is. :)

Race Day Playlist

As some of you may know, this year I'm participating in the 5K Race in support of Breast Cancer Research to be held on October 20th in Miami. Last time I ran it, which was in 2010, it took me 55 minutes. This time around, I'm looking to shave off 15 minutes and will hopefully be completing it in less than 40. To do so, I obviously need extremely energetic music and since music is pretty much my lifeline, I went ahead and created a playlist for race day already. I've listened to these tracks many times during my training, so I am sure that they do their job well. Enjoy!

On selfishness...

I find that human beings are increasingly encouraged to be selfish – to pursue their own individual needs without careful consideration to the needs of those around them. And to a certain degree, being selfish is a necessary condition for success. 

However it’s also quite paradoxical. Success can be quite alluring and exquisite. But, that sweetness and greatness become greatly diminished if in your pursuit of success you have alienated those that were once by your side. You see, in a way, selfishness kills spiritual/emotional progress. 

The key, as with everything, is to find a balance. Yes – I will strive to succeed at my goals, but I will not be negligent to the needs and emotions of others. 

This is something that I'm always struggling with. Except that in my case, I'm usually too giving and indulgent with my time and energy and end up sacrificing my goals and needs for the benefit of others. This is something that I do willingly. However, the problem lies with the fact that I expect the same treatment and frequently get disappointed when others fail to meet expectations. I find that I'm constantly asking myself - how can I be more selfish without permanently damaging my relationships? Or also, how can I express my needs to those that I care about without sounding excessively needy or demanding?  

Well, these are just some random thoughts I'm having this morning. If any of you struggle with the same things, or have suggestions on how to handle the whole success/selfishness/altruism issue (or any other issue for that matter) please, leave me a comment below.

Perfectly imperfect

For as long as I can remember, trying to attain perfection has been a goal that has never strayed from my every conscious thought.

Every single moment in my life (at least that I can recall) has been carefully planned, timed, and measured. For me, everything has a purpose, a deadline. I’ve even established, quite methodically I might add, a scrupulous code of behavior to serve as a guideline for my daily life; and under no circumstance am I allowed to deviate from such pre-established boundaries.

This is probably one of the reasons why I am so obsessed with losing weight – I’m fixated on being perfect. Or at least to desperately match the idea that I have of perfection (because let's be honest, "perfection" as a concept is probably as subjective as it can get.) In any case, I think that I'm finally over unrealistic expectations (aka, delusions) and have finally realized that this is no way to live. It’s exhausting!

I’m not sure at what age children become conscious of their own bodies (and the dimensions that these bodies have), but I’m pretty sure that I’ve had a tape playing in my mind telling me to lose weight for at least 22 years. It’s pure madness!

And to make it even worse, my internal monologue is quite cruel and harsh. I’ll be completely honest; the inner Krizia is a total bitch! I would never EVER in a million years say to my friends some of the things that I’ve said to myself. With my friends I’m all about the positive encouragement: “You’re great. You’re fabulous. You can do it.” But for some reason, probably because I think it’s “motivating,” I’ve not only created, but actually encouraged, a form of inner terrorism. And the time has come for it to end! I know that it will probably be a lifelong struggle, but it must be done. And I'm not saying that I'm just gonna vegetate in front of the couch with a six-pack of beer and pizza from now on. Certainly not! All I'm saying is I'm gonna stop saying harsh things about myself (to myself), and make a commitment to really work on my well-being: physically, emotionally, and intellectually.

This spiel isn’t just a result of the fact that my self-confidence seems to be making a comeback. The truth is, I’ve realized that at the end of it all, the people who we think are perfect, aren’t even that interesting. In this respect, I’ve actually been quite hypocritical myself. I’ve been trying to be perfect for as long as I can remember, but I’ve always made fun of those individuals who ooze perfection, claiming that anybody who is that perfect must also be undeniably boring.

There’s a term in Japanese, wabi-sabi, that probably better encapsulates what I’m trying to get to. The word wabi is roughly translated as quietness or “understated elegance” and sabi refers to the beauty and serenity that comes with old age. Essentially, wabi-sabi is a celebration of imperfection and impermanence.

The way that I like to define wabi-sabi is by using a phrase that one of my friends once used to describe me, “perfectly imperfect.”

My particular circumstances and individual experiences have shaped me into the person that I am today, and regardless of what I may think of myself (or what others may think of me), I am unique in this world - I am perfectly imperfect - and that is reason enough to be considered as beautiful. Warning. I may go a bit overboard with the cheesiness now by saying this, but I am a dynamic work of art that will only last for a limited time. C’mon, wouldn’t any art connoisseur pay good money to see that at the Louvre? Hehehe.

I’m done with perfection. I’m even done with trying to find the perfect soulmate. (Seriously, the list has been officially thrown away!) I’ve already fallen in love with someone who I thought was perfect, and that ended up being the worst debacle in my entire dating history! At this point I’ve already realized that possessing certain traits (whether physically or otherwise) doesn’t necessarily make anyone a better fit for me. Honestly, it’s just about finding someone who will “get me,” someone who will accept me for who I am (and who I’m not), someone who’ll need me in his life, and someone to whom I’ll be “the butter to his bread and the breath to his life.” (In case anyone’s wondering, that last part was from the movie Julie & Julia.)  

I’m not even sure anymore of what direction I wanted this post to take, so I’ll cut it short. All I’m saying is, even though it may not seem that way, each and every single one of us is fighting an internal battle: whether we’re fighting hard to put food on the table, trying to love ourselves, getting over a heartbreak, wanting to be accepted by our families, etc. So, be kind to others. But don’t forget to also be kind to yourself. The truth is the world could use a bit more kindness, couldn't it?

This song has nothing to do with the subject matter at hand. However, I felt it was necessarily to include it because it was on repeat while I was writing. Therefore, in some way or another, I'm sure it fomented the "creative process." And it's just a damn good song...

On traveling...

“It’s an irritating reality that many places and events defy reality. Angkor Wat and Machu Picchu, for instance, seem to demand silence, like a love affair you can never talk about. For a while after, you fumble for words, trying vainly to assemble a private narrative, an explanation, a comfortable way to frame where you’ve been and what’s happened. In the end, you’re just happy you were there – with your eyes open – and lived to see it.” 
- Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential

I’ve been told by many that I have a way with words and that I should consider going into publishing. So, I find it hard to accept that every time that I return from a trip overseas and people inevitably ask me, “How was it?” I can’t seem to find the exact words to describe everything that I saw and experienced. Somehow, “amazing, wonderful, and fantastic,” which are the most common adjectives we use in these cases, just don’t seem to cut it. It would be a great injustice to simply say that Italy was “beautiful,” because even though Italy is an extremely beautiful country, that single word just doesn’t seem to be enough. In order to truly grasp Italy’s beauty, you would have had to have been there to see everything with your own eyes.

Sure, like any other person, I love the bragging rights that come with actually having seen the canals in Venice, or the Golden Temple in Kyoto, but for me, traveling is about so much more than just the sights and the sounds; it’s a completely life-changing and enriching experience. Even though I actually haven’t traveled to that many countries, when I do travel, I make sure I travel well. By that I simply mean that I try to immerse myself as much as I can into the local culture of whichever country I happen to find myself in.

One of the examples that always comes to mind when talking about this issue is something that I experienced while in Japan. Our host university in Kyoto organized a field trip to Urasenke, which is one of the main schools of Japanese tea ceremony. I know that most of you know this already, but chadō (literally, the way of tea; the Japanese word for tea ceremony) is very important in Japanese culture, because it captures many of the values that the Japanese people hold in highest regard (such as, aesthetics, serenity, purity, harmony, etc.) So, we were taken to witness with our own eyes an authentic Japanese tea ceremony at the Urasenke center and by the end of it, we were all offered a cup of green tea along with some okashi (the Japanese word for snack, in this case it was a small sweet treat.) To my surprise, some of my classmates took the cup and without even taking one sip, proceeded to immediately place it on the floor. I was completely shocked and embarrassed, for I felt that it was not only downright disrespectful but also, that it was a poor reflection on all of us (and foreigners in general.)

It’s a universal rule that whenever you're traveling and someone shows you their hospitality by offering you something, unless you have a very good reason for denying their offer (such as, being allergic to what they offered, or having religious reasons for rejecting it), you must graciously accept. And to add insult to injury, this was Japan!!! It’s common knowledge that the Japanese are all about duty, tradition, honor, and respect. In any case, as you might imagine, the same people who refused to try the green tea were also the ones who preferred to eat at McDonald’s and KFC, instead of making most of the experience and trying some of the exotic (and delicious, I might add) Japanese cuisine.

As wordy as it was, this example captures exactly what I meant by “traveling well.” It’s imperative to do some research on the culture and customs of the country you will be traveling to. However, it’s just as necessary to have an open-mind! Always! Part of the fun of traveling involves being put in situations that you normally wouldn’t find yourself in and seeing just how you react to them. It really is a very enriching experience that will teach you not only about a foreign culture, but also about yourself.

Which leads me to my most recent adventure: Italy. Everyone always asks me, “Why Italy? And why not Spain or France?” The truth of the matter is, and I believe I’ve never actually admitted this to anyone before; but I’m a wannabe Italian. There, I said it! Can you really blame me though? I was born in Honduras, for crying out loud! And let’s put aside for a minute my poor country’s current disastrous (and extremely dangerous) condition, but what did Honduras truly ever contribute to the world? (Pause for silence. Crickets chirping in the background.) Italy on the other hand… Wow, take your pick! Romans made extremely important contributions to humanity in virtually every field – architecture, arts, literature, gastronomy, etc., etc., etc. So yea, even though it may be a bit foolish or childish, I’ve always sort of wished that I had been born in Italy instead of Honduras. Additionally, I have to say that I am absolutely fascinated by the Italian language. My Italian friends don’t know this, but many times when I seemed distracted, it probably was because I was enjoying myself way too much just getting lost in their words, savoring each and every sound – focusing on their intonation and rhythm. Yea, they really don't know just how much I loved to hear them speak, and why I sometimes refused to speak Italian myself – I felt that my heavy Spanish accent just completely butchered a language that I think is so melodious, passionate, exquisite, and just downright interesting.

Now, moving on, this was not only my first time going to Europe, but it was also my first time traveling so far by myself. (When I went to Japan, I traveled with 20 of my classmates and the school essentially organized everything for us.) Naturally, I was a bit anxious about how I would deal with it all. I had recurrent nightmares on the days leading up to the trip in which I got lost in the middle of Milan, had no money or way of getting back to my apartment, and ended up being kidnapped by Russian mobsters and sold as a prostitute in the European underworld. Okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit, but that’s certainly what my mom thought would happen to me. And those of you who have an overbearing Hispanic mom know just what traumatic effect it has on your psyche to hear your mom go on and on about the same irrational fear.

In any case, the truth of the matter is that I surprised myself with my ability to navigate not only through Milan, but also through all of the other Italian cities that I visited. When I went to Rome, I thought, “Oh dear lord, I’m certainly going to get lost here and I have no one to come to my rescue if I do.” However, within a few hours, I had a great grasp on the city’s layout and found that it was better to check out all of the Roman landmarks on foot, instead of taking one of those ridiculous sightseeing buses. (Krizia’s tip: When in Rome, walk… but make sure you bring VERY comfortable shoes.) Long story short, my Italian adventure taught me that I can actually be quite the little adventurer and that there really is no need to be so afraid about getting lost. In fact, getting lost while walking through the little streets in Venice is something that I would gladly do again anytime. I also found out that I’m much better at making itineraries than I would have initially given myself credit for.

Wow. This post has already gotten long and I haven’t even gotten to food! It’s amazing, but a country’s food can actually reveal so much about its history and culture. I think I’m actually going to leave my thoughts on food for another post, because I think I could write an entire treatise on gelato alone.

There really is so much to say on the topic of traveling that I could (and should) write a book about it (but first let me become a more seasoned traveler!) That said, and despite the fact that I know that it will sound incredibly corny, what has made the greatest impact on my life isn’t that I’ve been to Country X and Country Y, but it’s the people that I’ve met in those countries that have made all the difference between having a bad or a good experience. In Italy, for example, I spent most of my time with a group of male college students who, for whatever reason, decided to take me under their wing, so to speak. They bestowed upon me unparalleled levels of hospitality and cordiality, and I honestly feel that I will forever be not only grateful, but also indebted to them. It’s also the people that I’ve met on my journeys who have taught me the most important thing that I’ve learned in all of my travels so far, and that is that we human beings have much more in common than we think we do. In other words, our similarities greatly outnumber our differences. At the end of the day, most of us are just trying to do the best with the life that we’ve been given, and despite the difficulties and hardships that someone may be experiencing, I’ve found that a warm smile, showing genuine interest, and having an open disposition will open many doors for you.

I’ll end by advising you all to seize each and every opportunity to travel that you get, whether it be to another country, region, city, etc. Make the most of this fantastic world that we live in. And hey, if you're ever in need of a traveling partner, let me know!

"Explore. Dream. Discover." 

I AM my hair... Before & After (Hair edition)

So, I finally changed my hair. I didn't want to put too many (new) pictures of myself on Facebook at the same time, thus I decided to create a blog post with these new pictures in case anyone was interested in seeing other poses/shots. Oh, and I swear I'm not usually this narcissistic - I just like my new hair!

BEFORE

AFTER

After this, no more pictures of myself for a while... I promise! 

And to end, a hair themed song from no other than Lady Gaga (naturally... hehe)

Something

There was just something different in the air tonight. There I was, walking through the dimly lit corridor  leading to my room, and something deep within me started stirring. Something that made me feel that things were going to change - and soon. I'll be honest, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was definitely something there. Some inexplicable and mysterious vibe. Something that was simply... different. And hey, you all know me, I'm as skeptical as they come, but sometimes (on very rare occasions) you just get that feeling deep within your bones - that undeniable, exciting, and yet slightly alarming feeling - that something is coming.

Gypsy

Broke my heart on the road, 

spent the weekend sewing the pieces back on. 

1. I like codes. Even simple ones, like:

ZKJP SKNNU. E GJKS PDA PNQPD. ERA CERAJ QL.
Apple is WLLHA.
Hello is DAHHK.

2. I think that people often underestimate me. Not only that, but it really offends me when people treat me as being less intellectually capable than I actually am. And I cannot stress this enough. Maybe I need to work on my presence (or something), because nothing irritates me more than someone taking me as a fool.

3. I don’t believe in love at first sight. In fact, when people say that they’ve fallen in love at first sight, I don’t think it’s romantic (as most people do.) Au contraire, I think it’s quite shallow. In fact, I’ve fallen in love with men who I didn’t really find that attractive at first. What can I say? I have a big heart.

4. I consider myself to be a morally conscious hedonist intertwined with a few threads of existentialist. How does that work exactly? Well, you’re free to interpret it as you’d like.

5. I think I am too nice, and as a result, I’m often taken for granted and left in the background.

6. I believe in second chances, but I think you have to ask for them directly and honestly. And as much as I like saying that I believe in vengeance, I really don't. I think that it's better to let things run their course.

7. The end doesn’t always justify the means. But sometimes, you have to make a few exceptions.

8. I like spy stories in every form: novels, TV shows, movies, etc.

9. I think there can be beauty in chaos. In fact, I think that it’s during the rough times that true identities and alliances are revealed. “Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

10. The truth is, I’m not even half the woman that I aspire to become. That said, I still think I’m much better than many girls out there. And it isn't a matter about being arrogant. It's just that I've had the opportunity to observe countless females in their natural habitats and I'm not really impressed by their behaviors. In any case, I've decided to accept that it’s not really my fault if people decide to focus on what I’m not instead of what I am. I really do think that someday someone somewhere will come to see me for what I'm really worth. Until then, I think it's probably best to remain as an undiscovered treasure.

End of summer goals

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been feeling somewhat unmotivated. And unlike most other times when I’ve said that I don’t know the cause of my negative emotions, the truth is that this time around I know perfectly well why I am feeling the way that I am. Although I’m not entirely comfortable talking about it, I will say that my situation is comparable to the feeling you get when you’ve gone to a job interview that went amazingly well. Yet despite having answered every questioned perfectly and feeling that you were a good fit for the company you had applied to, you never got a call back. In other words, it’s kind of that feeling of “what the hell happened?” In any case, what matters in this story is that I’m learning to realize how certain situations affect my emotions, and consequently, my well-being; but most importantly, it is imperative that I take the necessary steps to get over the hurdles and continue living my life to the best of my abilities.

So, at this moment, my life is all about putting the focus back on myself and regaining the motivation that has helped me achieve my goals in the past. Obviously, the first step is therefore to set goals. Inspired by Victor’s “summer resolutions,” I’ve decided to set some “end of summer goals” for myself:

1. My first goal is to get back on track with my weight loss. I had a lovely time in Italy and although I regret nothing, the truth is that I did gain 5 pounds (and granted, 5 pounds for almost 3 months in Italy is not all that bad). So, by the end of September I hope to have lost 10 pounds (the 5 I gained in Italy plus an additional 5). 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds is pretty reasonable. In fact, if I actually end up losing more than 10, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.

2. Complete a 6-week running program I found on the Women’s Health magazine’s website. I just love how running makes me feel. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel completely aware of my body. And though it may seem odd to some of you, it’s a sensation that I adore. So, I want to improve my endurance and stamina (which seem to have suffered a bit as a result of my vacation.)

3. Study at least 2 hours for the GRE each day. Some of you already know that I’m trying to go back to Italy for my Masters (of Economics.) And in order to be considered for a full scholarship (which I need), I have to improve my GRE scores.

4. Read at least 1 book every week. This isn’t only for the pleasure of reading itself, but I’m hoping it will help me for the GRE as well (consolidation of vocabulary.) I will also attempt to write reviews on the books I read, to help me for the analytical writing portion of the exam.

Some (hard) truths about life

1. Not everyone is going to like you. PERIOD.

2. Girls – when a man wants to be with a woman, he will do whatever it takes to make it happen. If he isn’t putting much effort, it’s because he doesn’t care. It’s hard to accept - I know - but the sooner you accept it, the better.

3. Regardless of what they say, all of our actions are the direct result of our choices. So, take responsibility. Also understand that it works both ways. People’s actions are also their choices. So when someone says, “Oh, I was too busy to message you back” it really means, “I didn’t think it wasn’t so important to message you back.”

4. Life isn’t fair, and the world doesn't owe you anything.

5. When relationships change, it’s because one of the two parties involved wanted it to change. If you did everything you could to keep the status quo, and things still changed, don’t blame yourself. When someone wants things to change, there really isn’t anything you can do about it. Just accept it.

6. No one cares about your problems as much as you do.

7. Things WILL work out in the end, but only if you put in the work. If you change nothing about your life or circumstances, how do you expect your life to change? You have to put in the work. There is no fairy godmother or Prince Charming who will come to save you.

8. Appearances are important. I always say that a person’s true worth has nothing to do with their physical appearance. However, our appearance is crucial when it comes to first impressions and first impressions ALWAYS count.

9. Unfortunately, some people will take you for granted, which is why I try to implement a rule of reciprocity when it comes to all of my relationships. (That doesn’t mean that people have stopped taking me for granted. Unfortunately, some still do.)

10. Sometimes, less is more.  

50 Random Things about me

1. When I was younger, I wanted to be... an astronaut.
2. My first pet was... a dog.
3. I once dated... an asshole.
4. Last night, I... heard one of the most random phrases ever, "maybe it's black cosmic lion." (Still trying to figure that one out!) 
5. For my next birthday, I would like to... visit yet another country, hopefully with someone I love.
6. I would hate it if... I had to live in Honduras for the rest of my life. 
7. It makes me sick when... people treat others unfairly.
8. I can't help but laugh out loud when... someone falls or trips. I know it's horrible, but I can't help it!
9. I love the book ... Eat, Pray, Love - I know it isn't exactly the best piece of literature, but I can relate so much to it. 
10. My best friend told me... that he has no doubts that I will succeed in whatever I choose to do. (I wish I had as much faith in myself as he does.)
11. The furthest I've ever travelled to... is Japan.
12. I think President Obama... will only be remembered for being the first African American President, and not for his actual work as President. 
13. My car... is a 2005 Toyota Rav4
14. I've always wanted to have a pet... dolphin
15. My favorite Dippin' Dots flavor is... chocolate mint.
16. I have a scar from... when I burnt myself making flan about 12 years ago.
17. My birthmark is... a brown spot on my right knee.
18. My name means... nothing in particular. It is thought to be Italian in origin (how appropriate) and often taken as a nickname or diminutive of the name Lucrezia, which comes from the Latin lucror and means “profit,” “wealth,” or “success." 
19. My father worked at... his own company (and still does.)
20. My heroes are... I don't really have any heroes. Just people I admire, such as Queen Rania of Jordan. 
21. I cannot go a day without watching... the news. Gotta keep informed! 
22. I crave... chocolate (all the time.)
23. When I go to Taco Bell, I always order... nothing. Because I don't like Taco Bell.
24. I hate when people... take too long to respond to messages. 
25. My favorite Christmas present ever is... a PS2, so far (at the time I really wanted to play Final Fantasy X!) 
26. I once fell ... on a bridge in Venice, but was able to gain my composure quickly. Lol.
27. I want to get married... to someone who will be completely devoted to me and vice versa. 
28. People say I look like... Kelly Clarkson
29. My celebrity crush is... Matt Bomer.
30. I cannot bend... something, I'm sure. But, I'm actually quite flexible. 
31. My toothbrush... does its job. 
32. I want to work for... the United Nations, or some international organization like that that seeks to bring people together, as well as foster cultural awareness. 
33. I'd like to drink... wine everyday. It's good for the heart!
34. My favorite thing about summer is... that people seem to be more relaxed than usual. 
35. I think that Paris Hilton is... an idiot.
36. The room I'm in... is all MINE!
37. In high school, I... was Valedictorian. 
38. My mom tells me that when I was born I... I ended a long-standing fight between my dad and my grandmother and that I was a peace treaty, of sorts. 
39. My future spouse has to... love traveling as much as I do, be as open-minded as I am, and be patient enough to deal with me. lol 
40. I've lost... many things. But I try not to dwell on them. Gotta keep moving forward. 
41. The last time I went to see a movie... was in Italy and it was "Dark Shadows."
42. I only like to dance when... I like the music. 
43. The last picture with me in it... was taken about a week ago by my friend Vanessa.
44. I put on my shoes... with pleasure. I love shoes!
45. The perfume I prefer is... Alien, by Thierry Mugler (at least now)
46. I've never ridden... a horse
47. The last thing I read on a cereal box was ... Peanut Butter Cheerios!
48. The only kind of milk I like is... cow's milk. I'll drink soy/almond/coconut/ and all those other alternative, but I definitely prefer cow's milk. 
49. Bad drivers make me... anxious.
50. I am only nice to... people at the beginning. I continue being nice if they treat me with respect. However, if they don't, I quickly eliminate them from my life. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't respect you. 

A Romantic, a Questioner, and a Thinker...

To help in my never-ending quest for perfection (or at least self-improvement) I recently started reading the book "How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World: The Art of Living with Style, Class, and Grace," by Jordan Christy, and in one of the chapters she emphasizes the importance of self-awareness.

To help with this, the author suggested that we take the "9 types personality test" or the Enneagram (from the Greek words ennea [nine] and grammos [something written or drawn]). According to Wikipedia, the typology defines nine personality types (sometimes referred to as "enneatypes"), which are represented by the points of a geometric figure called an enneagram, which also indicates some of the connections between the types.

It turns out that (because nothing with me is ever simple) my personality is a combination of Types 4 and 6, The Romantic and The Questioner, respectively. Coming in at a very close second was Type 5: The Thinker. 

Description for the Romantic (4): Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me:

• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. (Unfortunately yes, even if it seems needy, I need to hear that people care about me.)
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! (I have been called dramatic many times in the past!)

What I Like About Being a Four:

• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four:

• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair (Again, unfortunately very true.)
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved (Which is why I need constant love!) 
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
• expecting too much from myself and life (I'm my biggest critic)
• fearing being abandoned (Geez, this makes me seem SUPER needy.)
• obsessing over resentments
• longing for what I don't have

* * * * * * * * * *

Description for the Questioner (6): Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me:

• Be direct and clear. (Nothing that I hate more than ambiguous situations and hypocritical people. I can sense insincerity, trust me!) 
• Listen to me carefully. (I'm a good listener - the least you can do is listen to my issues, too!)
• Don't judge me for my anxiety.
• Work things through with me.
• Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
• Laugh and make jokes with me.
• Gently push me toward new experiences. (I often do need a little push to do things.) 
• Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six:

• being committed and faithful to family and friends (Treat me right, and I'll be loyal to you for life!) 
• being responsible and hardworking
• being compassionate toward others
• having intellect and wit (Naturally, hehe.) 
• being a nonconformist
• confronting danger bravely
• being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six:

• the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind (Yes, I do tend to be a bit indecisive.) 
• procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
• fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
• exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
• wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
• being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

* * * * * * * * * *

And just because I also recognize a lot of myself in Type 5...

Description for the Thinker (5): Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me:

• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts. (Specially this!)
• Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
• Don't come on like a bulldozer.
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five:

• standing back and viewing life objectively
• coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
• my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
• not being caught up in material possessions and status
• being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five:

• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
• feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
• being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
• watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

So, I definitely suggest that if you have a couple of minutes to spare (10 at most), you go ahead and take the test for yourselves. (You can find it here: 9 types test)

I have to admit that I'm actually surprised at how accurate some of these are. These last few days (weeks and months even) I've been giving myself a hard time for certain of these personality traits that I'm not particularly fond of. I used to describe myself as being this strong, determined, and power-hungry girl, but lately I've been finding that I'm a lot more sensitive than I ever thought I was. Reading all of this helps me make sense of it, and helps me see that maybe I've just been hiding my true self under the pretense of wanting to be perfect, strong, and calm at all times. But maybe it's better to embrace my sensibility. Maybe it's better to accept that I am the kind of girl who cries and needs attention every once in a while. I guess that it's a bit hard for us ambitious women to reveal certain of our vulnerabilities. But who knows? Maybe I can derive some strength from it all... And with that, I sign off.

"A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship." 

- Rainer Maria Rilke

31/07/2012

The moment I knew it was futile to fight against my feelings was when he said, "I want to know everything about you. Your dreams, your fantasies, your fears, all your random thoughts. Absolutely everything that goes on in that pretty little head of yours." And bam! That was it. I was completely gone. Too bad it ended up being just empty words. Although spoken under what pretext, I still don't know (nor do I care at this point.) Either way, my mercurial brain will always hold the keys to my heart. 

30/07/2012

And with every dream, with every waking thought, I keep burying myself in a mountain of false hope, of unfounded expectations... 

And the truth is that I don't care... we all have different ways of coping with our realities; we all have things that make us want to live, things that keep us alive...

18 Day Music Lyrics Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 - Describe your best friend

I guess that I'm specially lucky because I have several best friends, all spread out in the world. I feel that I can trust each one of them blindly, so that's why I chose lyrics from "Never let me go."

"And it's breaking over me

A thousand miles down to the sea bed

Found the place to rest my head

Never let me go"

18 Day Music Lyrics Challenge - Day 1

Day 1 - Describe how you feel today.

From "You've got the love," by Florence + the Machine...

Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"

Time after time I think it's just no good

Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose

New Challenge!

I'm bored, so I decided that it's time for another challenge! This one is called the "18 Day Music Lyrics Challenge." For those who are curious, or want to join along, the rules are simple, you can only answer the following questions with lyrics from one band. I pick: Florence and the Machine. 

1. Describe how you feel today.
2. Describe your best friend.
3. How many times have you been rejected?
4. Tell us the “story of your life”.
5. How do you act when you are around somebody you like?
6. What did you do today?
7. What has been the craziest thing you have ever done?
8. Describe your favorite concert.
9. Describe how you react when you hear your favorite song on the radio.
10. How many siblings do you have.
11. Complete: I am addicted to _____________
12. Complete: My favorite singer makes me ______________
13. How many people have you kissed in your life?
14. How do you feel about drugs?
15. Complete: I constantly _______
16. Complete: I am _________
17. When people wake you up in the middle of the night you? (what do you do) ________
18. Describe your favorite movie.

Soundtrack of my life (so far)

26 songs for my 26 years... If I had to pick the soundtrack of my life up to this point, this is what it would look like. Sure, it's mostly pop songs, but hey - any romantic comedy has mostly pop songs in its soundtrack, no? (And yes, I think my life would make a great romantic comedy! lol) Most of these songs remind me of specific people (who are or were important to me), some remind me of places (where I've lived or have traveled to), and a few remind me of particular time periods. Let's see how well you know me, eh? Can you guess who/where/when? hehehe

Ace of Base – The Sign

Erasure – A little respect

Jakaranda – Never let you go 

Louis Armstrong – What a wonderful world 

The Wallflowers – One Headlight 

Right Said Fred – I’m too sexy

Backstreet Boys - Bigger

Steve Vai - Principessa

Juanes – Nada valgo sin tu amor

Muse – Bliss

Wise – Thinking of you

Kobukuro – Towa ni tomo ni

Arashi – Happiness

Stanfour – In your arms

Ayumi Hamasaki – Days

Carla Bruni – Quelqu’un m’a dit

Andrea Bocelli – La voce del silenzio

Michael Buble - Everything

3OH!3 – Touchin’ on my

The Temper Trap – Sweet Disposition

Lady Gaga – The Edge of Glory

David Guetta feat. Sia  - Titanium

Benny Benassi – Cinema (Skrillex remix) 

Arisa – La notte

Subsonica – Incantevole 

Giorgia feat. Eros Ramazzotti - Inevitabile

Thoughts on people...

I have been fortunate enough to have had the possibility to meet people from all walks of life. My dreams and ambitions have taken me to very different parts of the world, where I have been blessed to meet wonderful individuals who, for whatever reason, have opened their homes and hearts to me. All of these people have been completely unique, and yet at the end of the day, they all have something in common. Something that they share with me, you, and everyone else on this planet. As different as all of our lives may be, we’re all just seeking to find company, to be heard, to be loved, to be understood.

This isn’t meant to be taken as some form as an excuse for who I am, or how I treat others, but circumstances in my life had led me to be very wary of others. In general, I’ve learned to be fearful of males (not really being myself around them) because I fear rejection, and I’m also careful with other females because I’ve experienced firsthand how competitive and cruel we can be. Also, as hard as it is to admit this, I tend to think that people approach me because they have a hidden agenda, because they want something from me. I know this is something I have to work on, and trust me; I have been trying to let all these thoughts go. Eventually…

Trips are meant to open our eyes, to help us experience things that we wouldn’t normally experience if we stayed in our corners of the world. And as my Italian adventure is drawing to a close, I have to say that I’ve learned a lot about human interactions. There are selfish and evil people out there. That’s just the way it is. There are people who will pretend to be your friends, who will try to become intimate with you, but at the first moment of difficulty, will leave you stranded and feeling even more alone than before. Sometimes, it just happens that the people who you think are the closest to you (and who you believe have your best interest at heart) are the ones who treat you in ways that you don’t deserve to be treated. There are also times when life will lead you in opposite directions from the people you love. And as hard as it is to say goodbye, sometimes you just have to accept it and believe that it’s for the best. However, there are also other people who will be kind to you for no reason at all. There are people who you may be afraid of trusting, afraid of letting into your life, but that at the end of the day, will become individuals who you want in your life forever. More than anything else, I’ve learned to accept that life works in mysterious ways. We can never really tell how a certain person's absence or presence in our lives will affect us. I’ve once heard that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and now more than I ever; I feel that this is true. 

Incantevole

I've been in Italy for almost 2 months and this is my first post... How disappointing, eh? It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's simply that 1) I'm always busy; 2) I feel that anything that I'd write about Italy and its lovely people would never do them any justice.

I was lucky that I had friends here prior to my arrival, so I knew that I wouldn't be completely on my own. That said, never in a million years would I ever have imagined that they would be as hospitable and generous as they've actually been. Grazie. I'm sure that once I'm back on my side of the world, I'll write in-depth descriptions of the lovely characters that I met here, but for now I'll just them simmer in your imagination. 

I actually don't even have much time now. I have to get my day started: take a shower, get dressed, meet my friends for lunch, go to MediaWorld (the Italian equivalent of Best Buy) to purchase a new battery for my BlackBerry, meet up with another friend for gelato, and possibly go out tonight before heading to Venice tomorrow at 8am! 

That said, I just wanted to write a brief post about my favorite Italian word so far: "incantevole," meaning charming/enchanting. Italy and its beautiful people are very "incantevole." Also, Incantevole is the name of a song that I've been listening to nonstop for the past week (which, given my highly musical nature, I will share with all of you.) 

In any case, I hope you're all doing well. I'm almost certain that I won't find the time to write in the next month or so (I have to plan my trips to Florence, Rome, Genoa, etc) so bear with me. Much to my dismay, I'll be back in my corner of the world soon...  

Se leggera ti farai 

io sarò vento 

per darti il mio sostegno 

senza fingere 

se distanza ti farai 

io sarò asfalto 

impronta sui tuoi passi 

senza stringere mai. 

Se battaglia ti farai 

io starò al fianco 

per darti il mio sorriso 

senza fingere 

se dolore ti farai 

io starò attento 

a ricucire i tagli 

senza stringere mai. 

Fuori è un giorno fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incantevole come quando resti con me

Fuori è un mondo fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incantevole come quando resti con me

Se innocenza ti farai 

io sarò fango 

che tenta la tua pelle 

senza bruciare. 

Se destino ti farai 

io sarò pronto 

per tutto ciò che è stato 

a non rimpiangere mai. 

Fuori è un giorno fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incantevole come quando resti con me

Fuori è un mondo fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incantevole come quando resti con me

Fuori è un giorno… fragile 

Fuori è un mondo… fragile.

Fuori è un giorno… fragile 

Fuori è un mondo… fragile. 

Fuori è un giorno fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incantevole come quando resti con me

Fuori è un mondo fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incantevole come quando resti con me

Fuori è un giorno fragile

Ma tutto qui cade incatevole come quando resti con me

Fuori è un giorno …fragile 

Fuori è un mondo… fragile 

Fuori è un giorno …fragile 

Fuori è un mondo… fragile...

Italian stereotypes

Before I even begin, let me just say that these are by no means an expression of my own thoughts or sentiments. I just felt that given the circumstances, it would be amusing to write a post of some of the typical Italian stereotypes that I'm sure we're all used to hearing. So, let this be an official disclaimer that this is meant to be a funny post, not to be taken seriously, and certainly not aimed at offending anyone. That said, let me proceed:


1. Italians take their food very seriously.

 I’m not even in Italy yet, but I’m willing to bet that this stereotype is very true. I’m pretty sure that not every Italian meal will consist of spaghetti and meatballs as we’ve been led to believe in movies and TV shows, but let’s face it, Italians do have some of the best food on Earth. Wouldn’t you take it seriously if you were them?

2. Italian men are the world’s biggest players.

C’mon, I know I’m not alone in this! We’ve all heard the stories of how Italian men are the greatest womanizers in the whole wide world. Is it true? Who knows? Maybe I should give myself the challenge of finding out just how passionate Italians really are, you know, for the sake of diplomacy and International Relations (hehe.) Either way, I’m sure that Italy has its fair share of ‘Casanovas,’ but then again every country does too, no? I just find it hilarious that every single person that finds out about my upcoming trip to Italy feels that it is his/her moral imperative to warn me about Italian men. Even my older brother told me, “My poor sister, you are heading into the lion’s den.” I feel that this is one of those: “Proceed with caution” type of situations, lol.

3. All Italians have connections to the mafia. 

This one is probably just as absurd as saying that all Arabs are terrorists. So, I have no intention of getting too deep into it. That said, it is a very prevalent stereotype and I felt that it should be mentioned.

4. Italians are very fashionable.

Considering that I spent a substantial amount of time living in the United States where I constantly saw women heading to the supermarket in their pajamas (the horror!), I’m certain that Italians will be much more fashionable than your average Jane or Joe. Also, let’s keep in mind that I am heading to Milan, one of the world’s fashion meccas. So yes, I’m actually prepared to see some Italian fashionistas. That said, am I expecting everyone to be runway ready? No, of course not.

5. Italians are loud. 

Do Italians go around screaming “Mamma mia” and “Vaffanculo” all the time just as they’re portrayed in the movies? Probably not. However, that doesn’t mean that they can’t be loud. I’ve yet to see just how loud and expressive Italians can get, but again, I lived in Miami for a good portion of my life and am used to hearing Cubans scream “Oye” and “Coño chico!” every two seconds. So, I’m sure that I can handle it.