This is probably going to be my last post in a while. I'll try to update while on vacation, but who knows. I'm pretty sure that at least during the New York portion of my trip, I'll be too preoccupied doing other things. But, we'll see. I always need "me" time, so I might manage to escape for a while and write a line or two about the things I'm experiencing. This is meant to be a globetrotter's blog anyways, right? Might as well use it as a travel log when I actually get to travel. I'm so excited! Anyways, here are the latest pictures in my weight loss journey. They're not the best quality, but they'll have to do for now. I wonder what I'll think of this whole ordeal 5 years from now. Well, the only thing I know right now is that, little by little, I'm getting there... :)
Before today's run.
Less and less flab every day! C'mon abs, get with it!!!
I'm sentimental,
So I walk in the rain
I've got some habits
Even I can't explain
I go to the corner,
and I end up in Spain
Why try to change me now?
I sit and daydream
I've got daydreams galore
Cigarette ashes
There they go on the floor
I go away weekends
And leave my keys in the door
Why try to change me now?
Why can't I be more conventional?
People talk, and they stare, so I try.
But that can't be, cause I can't see
My strange little world just go passing me by.
Let people wonder,
Let 'em laugh, let 'em frown
You know I'll love you 'til the moon's upside down
Don't you remember I was always your clown?
Why try to change me now?
Why can't I be more conventional?
People talk, and they stare, so I try.
But that can't be, because I can't see
My strange little world just go passing me by.
So let people wonder,
Let 'em laugh, let 'em frown
You know I'll love you 'til the moon's upside down.
Don't you remember I was always your clown?
Why try to change me,
Why would you want to change me...
Why try to change me now?
*Great song. I can definitely relate to it, especially with how I wish sometimes that I were more conventional or that people wouldn't try to change me. I live in my own little world, which is 75% reality and 25% delusion/fantasy, but that is how I like it. Always daydreaming, always finding weird habits about myself. So let people wonder, let 'em laugh, let 'em frown, you know I'll love you til the moon's upside down. Why try to change me now?*
Everyday I feel like I get a little bit closer to “figuring life out.” I’ve always considered myself to be a relatively levelheaded and balanced person, but somehow I used to constantly feel that something was still missing. Depending on the day, if you were to have asked me what I thought was missing in my life, I might have responded by saying that the missing element was either a romantic partner, or for me to be at my ideal weight, or I might have even gone as far as to say something shallow as how I wasn’t happy with my financial situation.
These days, even though all of the previous answers could still apply, I don’t feel the same way at all. I still don’t have someone to share my life with, at least not romantically, I’m still not at my ideal weight, and I’m still not making the amount of money that I think someone of my intellectual caliber should be making. (I always have to bring it up, eh? But what can I say? I’m a smart woman and I love it! LOL) Modesty aside, the difference is that now I don’t really consider these things as being necessary or sufficient for inner peace anymore.
I’m not going to lie, I’d love to have reached my ideal weight by now, or to have someone to call my own, but the lack of these things don’t make or break me anymore. FACT: The weight is coming off and I will reach my ideal weight eventually. Most importantly, I’m making lifelong changes with regards to my nutrition and fitness, and feel healthier than ever. The romantic situation is a bit more complicated, since it doesn’t depend entirely on me. But, the truth is, I’m not really looking for love at this very moment. I know this will sound incredibly arrogant and whatnot, but I really do consider myself to be much more evolved than my male counterparts here (and by here, I mean Honduras.) Just to give you and idea, even when I was in high school here, I never connected with the Honduran men; I felt an affinity, almost exclusively, to the international students. That doesn’t mean that if an equally fabulous Honduran comes along, I’ll reject him solely on the basis of being Honduran. No, I’m not that big of a bitch. I do give people a chance (even if my intuition and first impressions are usually spot on.) But, the truth is that right now, and I quote Mr. John Mayer, “I’m perfectly lonely, with a simple little kind of free.” If it comes, it comes. Simple enough.
In any case, I sidetracked for a bit there, I truly attribute my newfound sense of wellbeing to the fact that I am striving to maintain balance in the 4 dimensions of my life. Some of you might have heard about this before, and even if you haven’t, I’m sure you could figure it out on your own, but the 4 dimensions of life are: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
I’m doing phenomenally in terms of the physical dimension. I’m eating right, exercising everyday, and haven’t gotten sick in the longest time. Probably the only unhealthy habit that I have right now is that I smoke the hookah a little bit too frequently. But, it helps me relax and is always done in a social atmosphere, so I don’t feel bad about it at all. Besides, even though I prioritize health a lot more than I used to, I’m still not one of those crazy, obsessive people who give up all of life’s simple pleasures for the sake of health (I don’t think I’d ever be one either – I’m way too much of a hedonist.) So, physical dimension: ✓
I’m also doing great in the mental dimension. What can I say people? I’m a nerd. Those who know me know that I will always be a student, even if I’m not enrolled in school. I love learning. Always have, always will. I’m currently taking an online course called “How to listen to and understand opera,” which is amazing! I’ve also been studying for the next level of the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test), which I’m planning to take either this year or next year (it depends on my whereabouts.) Furthermore, I’ve been actively studying Italian by translating newspaper articles or passages from books into English, and then translating them back into Italian. Not to mention that I’m reading tons and tons of books; currently on “Predictably Irrational,” by Dan Ariely and “This Side of Paradise,” by F. Scott Fitzgerald. As you can see, my intellectual needs are definitely being met, and so I give the mental dimension a ✓.
Emotionally speaking, I’m okay. I could be better, but I’m at a much better place than I was a year or even a few months ago. I’m slowly learning to forgive and let go of the things and people from my past that hurt me, including myself. Whenever someone would hurt me, I’d always attribute it to a personal shortcoming. For instance, “he left me because I’m not smart enough, or I’m not attractive enough. Blah, blah, blah.” Nowadays (and this has taken a lot of work and quite honestly a rewiring of my brain), I first try to objectively understand the person who hurt me. In a way, I try to put myself in their shoes, hoping that if I see things from their perspective, it’ll be easier to understand the personal circumstances that enabled them to hurt me – making the process of forgiveness much easier. (Note: forgiving someone doesn’t mean forgetting about what happened, or condoning them for what they did to you, which is something that people sometimes misinterpret. However, forgiving is a necessary element to move on with your life. End of story.) In any case, the goal is to essentially realize that if someone hurt you, it wasn’t necessarily your fault. Sometimes, their actions could be attributed to something as simple as: you reminded the person of what they don’t like about themselves, and they took it out on you. That said, I truly am working on my emotional wellbeing everyday and feel that I’m finally making significant progress. I’ve found that positive self-talk really seems to help. Tell yourself that you’re great everyday. Hell, I’ll even let you use my word, “fabulous!” Hehe. And with that, I give the emotional dimension a ✓.
We finally reach the spiritual one. Many people (and I have to admit that I would have included myself in this category in the past) tend to think that spirituality equates religion. Religion certainly plays a role in defining your spirituality, but they are by no means equal, nor is religion the only thing that defines your spirituality. So that we are all on the same page here, let me quote Wikipedia by defining spirituality as “the inner path that allows a person to discover his/her true essence; the deepest values by which a person lives.” I’ve been using the term “awareness” quite frequently in my recent posts, and it’s what I’ve come to equate to my own spirituality. I firmly believe to my core that we all have not only the capability, but most importantly the responsibility to be truly aware of ourselves and of our place in the world. By knowing what values I consider to be the most important, I am able to design my life to be the pursuit of those values. Consequently, this gives me a paradigm with which to develop and further my relationships with others, whether as individuals or as a part of a community. To put it simply, spirituality involves knowing what it is that makes you tick. Lately, I’ve been favoring a holistic view of the universe, in which we are all parts of a whole, and where as a result, all of our actions, by means of a ripple effect, can come to influence others. But, I won’t get too much into that right now. Let me add that prayer and meditation are the two practices mostly associated with spirituality, although personally, I’ve been focusing mostly on the latter. If I’ve been successful, my sense of spirituality should be somewhat implicit in all of the things that I say. So, again, I won’t spend much time rambling on about it. If anything, I just want you to take away the importance of truly being in tune with yourself, to know yourself. Spiritual dimension: ✓
And there you have it: my personal guide to inner peace. It’s all about balance. I’m not going to lie; it’s not easy. You truly have to be on top of all of four of these dimensions to have a sense of wellbeing. And I’ve found that just as soon you’re tapping yourself in the back for leading a balanced life, some little bastard can come in and ruin it all. You might remember something hurtful that someone once said, or you might binge on chocolate, but there will always be something to throw you off track. So what do you do? You send that little devil back to where it came from, you pick yourself up, and you keep moving forward. Remember, you’re striving for balance, not perfection. Balance.
This is wisdom people, 25 years in the making, and I'm sharing it with all of you for free. :)
I still don’t understand why most human beings are trapped in the same vicious cycle. We all have the capacity to think and to increase our awareness about our true nature. Why do most of us still buy into this idea that there is a single life path that we must all follow?
Birth→ Education → Career → Marriage/Family → Death.
Look, if you WANT to get married, start a family, and work like a slave for the rest of your life, then be my guest. That is your prerogative. But you owe it to yourself to think outside the box before following the yellow brick road.
Those of us who have an increased awareness about our world and ourselves have a moral responsibility to let others now that that’s not what life is really about. Sure, it’s what your family and community have been drilling into your head since you were a child, but let me remind you that as a kid you also believed in Santa Claus. How did that work out for you?
People have a tendency to gobble up everything that is presented to them on a golden platter without pausing to really think about it. Women seem to think that finding a spouse will magically solve all of their problems. News flash ladies, there’s something called a “marriage benefit imbalance.” Studies have shown time and time again that marriage reaps a great number of benefits for men, but actually leaves women worse off. But don't take my word for it, Google it.
If you find a decent man who loves you and wants to marry you, then spend some time getting to know him, live with him, travel with him, enjoy life with him, see how he handles problems and life in general, and then, a few years down the line, if you’ve found that you’re a good match and want to settle down with him, then you have my blessing. However, don’t feel pressured into marriage by your peers. Your romantic partner, or lack thereof doesn’t determine your self-worth.
Same thing goes with your career, although here it gets a bit trickier; some people actually need a job in order to make a living. But essentially, it’s the same concept. If you find yourself unsatisfied with your job, then you truly do owe it to yourself to think about finding a new one, or who knows, maybe it’s time to consider a new career path.
There is no quick fix to life. Life is hard. Change is hard and uncomfortable. But please just stop buying into everything that is spoon-fed to you by your family, your church, the media, etc. It’s okay to question things! Educate yourselves. Getting drunk every weekend is fun, I’m sure. But seriously, have you ever considered doing something different with your time just for the hell of it?
People often ask me why I keep on watching the news if there’s only negative things to report, or why I’ve taken an online course called the Biology of Food, or even why I’m interested in traveling to Southeast Asia, if it’s even poorer than Honduras. My answer: every single thing that you learn about the world has the potential to teach you something about yourself. Not only that, but if I ever find myself in a room with people conversing about Southeast Asia, or polysaccharides, I’ll have something to contribute. In my opinion, there should be no stone left unturned in the pursuit of knowledge.
Ugh. This ramble is all over the place. I don’t know. I just feel so frustrated sometimes when I see people throwing their lives away, but I guess that again, that is their own choice. Who am I to tell people how they should lead their lives, anyways?
I just really wish that people would put down the beers and pick up a book more often. Even if only for my own selfish needs; who wants to date a guy who tries to impress you by saying that he can also speak Japanese and proceeds by uttering, “Chin Kan Chon.” Ugh. Epic fail. I know I’m picky and hard to impress, but come on?!?!? Honduran men and their Neanderthal ways will stand the test of time. "Ouch, Ms. Bandy - this newfound confidence of yours is already taking its toll on your sweet disposition, eh?" Why yes, dear reader, indeed it is.
Anyways, I should leave it at that. At least this was somewhat cathartic, and hopefully entertaining/enlightening to some of you. It’s 3am, and I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep because I’ve had NASTY bouts of insomnia recently. (Also, I don't think it helps that I’ve been listening to Infected Mushroom this entire time. LOL) But, whatever. C’est la vie. I’m going to New York soon! Woo-hoo!!!
I'm happy to announce that I have now bought the tickets for my "vacation," and as a result can go ahead and make it public that I will be in Miami from September 2nd to the 8th, will then travel north to New Jersey/New York City (!!!), where I'll be until the 13th. Then, I am to return to Miami, where I'll spend another 4 days, finally concluding my vacation on the 17th, when I fly back to my home country.
To be completely honest, I wouldn't be traveling if I weren't going to New York City. Don't get me wrong, I obviously miss Miami and the people that I left there, but this is my first real vacation in a long time, and I wanted to go somewhere different, somewhere I hadn't been to before. So, I figured, what better place than New York??? Also, I didn't plan it this way, but it seems that I'll be there for New York Fashion Week! Wooo. My visit also coincides with the 10th anniversary of 9/11, so I'm sure there will be lots going on.
I'm proud to say that the New York leg of my trip is financed by me, myself, and I. I am taking this as a reward for having lost 30 pounds so far. (I've got 2 weeks left before my trip and am working really hard to make it 35 pounds lost by then, but we'll see. I've been doing more strength training lately, and this usually hinders weight loss a bit. I'm perfectly fine with that though, because I am not interested in being stick-thin. I'm interested in being at a healthy weight, athletic, and strong. So, yay for muscle definition!)
I'll probably be renting a car for the first leg of my Miami visit, so transportation shouldn't be an issue. Yea, for those of you who don't know, my dear Hildegaard (my car's name) is in Honduras with me. Hehe. What else??? Despite the fact that I lived in Miami for 5-6 years, I never went to Key West, so I'm planning to go this time around.
I no longer have a gym membership in Miami, so I'll have to figure something out in order to get my exercise in. Maybe I'll have to settle with running around the block. LOL. If not, I'll contact local gyms to see if they offer any day passes, or something like that. In terms of nutrition, I'm devising a diet-friendly vacation eating plan with the help of my nutritionist. I doubt I'll lose weight while I'm up there, but as long as I don't gain more than 2-3 pounds, I'll be fine.
I know that this is my VACATION and that I shouldn't start worrying about this, but I have this ongoing irrational fear that I'll suddenly gain all of the 30 pounds that I've lost back the moment that I'm not 100% in control of my eating. Again, I know this is irrational, and I'm working on it, but I know I can't undo 15+ years of negative habits in a few months. I should be fine - I've had great discipline and self-control these last couple of months and I really have just been working on gaining healthy habits, so hopefully they've become or are well on their way of becoming a part of this new me. :)
And that's pretty much about it. Right now I'm about to go run on the treadmill for about 30 minutes. I think I mentioned in previous posts that one of my goals is to be able to call myself a runner. So, I'm currently on the 4th week of the Couch 2 5K plan. I had to take like a month-long break from running because my knee was bothering me too much. But now, I'm back on the program and working on my endurance/stamina! Week 4 is really challenging, though. It's as follows: 5 minute warmup (walking at 3.5 mph), 3 minute run (5.5 mph), 1.5 minutes walking (3.5 mph), 5 minute run (5.5 mph), 2.5 minutes walking, 3 minutes running, 1.5 minutes walking, 5 minutes running, and a 5 minute cool down. My body is kind of tired - I've been working out 2 hours everyday since last Saturday, but as I said before, I'm giving it my all to lose 5 more pounds before my trip. So, with that, let me go hit the treadmill.
I might just have a drink after my run, though. LOL. (Coconut rum and coke zero, FTW! LOL) Anyways, I shall be back to update you soon.
Is that seat taken?
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me?
My mind it kind of goes fast
I try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart
My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.
My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart
My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
(You left me)
And I can't change this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
can't change your mind
(You left me)
Can't change you mind
(You left me)
Go away
Make it go away
Please.
*It's just another one of those days. Everything in my life is going great, but then I remember... *sigh*
At the moment, I feel on top of the world. Invincible. First of all, this week I officially hit the 30-pound mark!!! As you can imagine, I am ecstatic and incredibly proud of myself. I've been trying to lose weight for YEARS. I've done Atkins, the South Beach diet, Jenny Craig, the Master Cleanse, you name it. I really have tried every diet that you can imagine, and I've never been as successful as I have been now. The thing is, it's not just about a number on the scale. I can finally see major changes not only in my body, but in my overall well being too. And it really is the greatest feeling in the world. However, this doesn't mean that I'll stop here. My goal is to lose another 20 pounds by the end of the year, and (for the first time, ever) I actually feel capable of doing it. To have lost 50 pounds in one year will be HUGE (bring out goooooood stuff! lol) But, that said, I won't get ahead of myself. There's still 4 months left in 2011, and a lot can happen in that time.
Like... my second piece of news. There might be an opportunity for me to travel... Soon. REALLY SOON. As in, within the next month. Nothing is written in stone, so I don't want to give all the details away yet. But, I'm super excited because I might get to see some of you and also visit one of my favorite cities in the world.
Like I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm in a really good place right now. I have time to pursue most of my interests, especially the intellectual ones, and I feel that overall, I'm just growing as a person and gaining a better understanding of myself and the world. It seems to me that I've made good progress in trying to let go of my past, and that life is finally coming together quite nicely.
I have so many ideas on things that I want to write about: social commentary, linguistics, music, art, literature, spirituality, travel, etc. So right now I'm just gathering my thoughts and giving them structure. But yea, life is good. I'm inspired. Hehe. I hope you enjoy the song by Imogen Heap (love her!) Peace out!
There's not much to say today. It's not like my mind has been completely devoid of original or creative thought, but I just haven't gotten the inspiration to write anything of essence. I'll start reading Fitzgerald's "This Side of Paradise" soon, though. Usually Fitzgerald always gets my creative gear to work. In other news, after months and months of waiting, "The Hangover 2" is finally premiering in theaters here today! I loved the first Hangover, and am kind of in need of comedic relief, so we've already got tickets for tonight! I wonder how long it's going to take for "Crazy, Stupid, Love" or "The Change-up" to get here... LOL. I'm also really looking forward to "One Day" with Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess. I read the novel it's based on, written by David Nicholls, and I really liked it. Anyways, that's premiering in the US next week, so who knows how long I'll have to wait for it to start playing here. Seriously, sometimes movies are released in DVD before they reach theaters here. Oh well, at least we've got online ticketing now. LMAO.
Second order of business... I wanted to share two of my favorite workouts: one for the elliptical, the other for the treadmill. The elliptical one is intensive if you are a beginner, but if you've been working out regularly, it should only give you the extra "burn" you need. Now, the treadmill one is brutal. When I first tried it, I couldn't even finish it. But hey, everyone knows I love a challenge, so I stuck with it. I have a picture of the workout "directions" on my iPhone, so I just open it up when I'm at the gym.
Here's the elliptical one. It's pretty self-explanatory, but I know that I did cut off the column headings. So, in case you're a bit lost, the first column is the time, the second one is resistance, the third gives you any special instructions, and the fourth is what your heart rate should be. I usually don't pay much attention to the heart rate one, though.
Some days are just a drag and seem to be never-ending. Instead of getting all lethargic and hating yourself and your life, I suggest you actively try to do things to make your day a bit better.
We’ve all heard of “The Secret,” and how the key to unlocking your true potential and happiness is to have a positive outlook in life. (Positive attracts positive.) This is a little bit too hippy-dippy-trippy to me, and in all honestly, I think that it gives people false expectations and can lead to failure. For instance, I don’t think that just because you are positive, things will magically fall onto your lap – you have to actively pursue the things you want. You won’t find yourself in a perfect relationship, or land the perfect job if you just remain optimistic. You have to put in the work, and that is what “The Secret” doesn’t tell people. That said, I find something of value in philosophies that try to improve one’s well-being. So, I decided to give you some of my own tips on how to feel better.
1. Do some EXERCISE.
Ever since I was in 12th grade, I’ve always been a frequent visitor at the gym. However, I will admit that if I was feeling lazy, I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t push myself. Now, it’s been about 8 months that I’ve been working out everyday (or at least 5 times per week.) And I truly think that this has done wonders to improve my overall well-being and mood. Even if it’s just 20-30 minutes, I urge you all to incorporate some form of physical activity: Zumba, walking your dog, dancing to Lady Gaga, going to the gym, whatever. Trust me – exercise alone will make you feel better almost immediately.
2. Get some SUN.
Receiving sunlight gives us Vitamin D, which is not only necessary for our bodies to function properly, but it also gives us an energy boost. I prefer to stay indoors, simply because the only time I like to sweat is when I’m working out and because I find the sun to be a bit offensive on my eyes (yea, I’m a diva like that.) However, whenever I do force myself to venture out into the world, I find that my mood improves significantly. Can’t really find an explanation for it (other than the Vitamin D, I mean) but yea, it works.
3. Tickle your sense of SMELL.
Light a candle, put on your favorite perfume, bake some pastries – do something to activate your olfactory system. My favorite holiday is Christmas, and I absolutely adore everything about the holiday season in general. So recently, my go-to scent has been an Apple Cinnamon candle. Something about it just puts me in a good mood. I light it on as soon as I wake up and let it burn for about an hour or two as I study, and I just love the way the smell lingers in my room. Try it out.
4. Put on some MUSIC!
This one is pretty simple and self-explanatory. Create a playlist with your favorite songs and just play it when you’re not feeling so great. There have been numerous studies on how music affects our daily performance, so you’re more than welcome to check them out in case you’re wondering why music is so great for you. But yea: listen to music.
5. BREATHE
Our daily lives tend to be so busy and hectic that we seldom take time to just sit and relax. So, the next time you’re feeling blue I suggest you hit pause, find a quite place in your house where you can sit uninterrupted for 5 minutes, and simply breathe. The trick is to really focus on your breathing and try to block everything else out. What I do: inhale deeply for 3 counts, and then exhale for another 3 counts, and just focus on repeating that pattern. If this happens to work for you, I suggest you Google meditation breathing techniques and explore it all some more.
6. DAILY CHALLENGES
I follow Deepak Chopra on Twitter and one day he posted a well-being test, which I obviously had to take. My score was about average, so the website suggested that I subscribe to an email newsletter called The Daily Challenge. Essentially, you get a small challenge delivered to your inbox everyday, including something that you can do to improve your well-being. For example, today’s challenge was to “Smile at 3 people today.” I’m being open-minded and giving it a try, although I have found some of the challenges to be a bit too hippy-dippy-trippy (hehe.) But, I know that whoever wrote them did it with the best intentions at heart.
Coffee brewing in the kitchen, the smell alone makes my blood start pumping. I hear the birds chirping outside my window, and for a moment I think about the things they’ve surely seen in all of their travels, the secrets they must hold. Focus, now! FOCUS!
Ah, it’s a new day. Not only a new day, but it’s the start of a new week, too. And you know what that means, time to plan out my workouts. I’ve found that planning what I’ll do in advance helps me stay committed to it. (Hint, hint: Workout tip #7)
I’m actually sore from yesterday’s workout, which was brutal. I’ll call it the Sarah Fit Workout (since it was taken from Sarah Fit’s website), and it was as follows:
- 10 minutes of running/walking → I did 5 minutes of power walking, 3 minutes of jogging, 1 minute of walking, and a 1 minute full-speed sprint.
- 15 pushups
- 20 lunges
- 1 minute plank (a killer!)
- Chair dips – 15 reps
- Plank with a knee to elbow crunch – 10 reps
- Sumo squat jump – 10 reps
- And then repeated the entire thing (including the running/walking portion) twice…
So, this week’s plan:
Monday: 40 minutes on the elliptical (400 calories) + 15 minutes on the bike (100 calories) + 40 minutes on the treadmill (350 calories) = 850 calories
Tuesday: 40 minutes on the elliptical (400 calories) + Jillian Michaels workout (250 calories) + 35 minutes on the treadmill (300 calories) = 950 calories
Wednesday: 40 minutes on the treadmill (350 calories) + 40 minutes on the elliptical (400 calories) = 750 calories
Thursday: 40 minutes on the elliptical (400 calories) + Jillian Michaels workout (250 calories) + 35 minutes on the treadmill (300 calories) = 950 calories
Friday: 40 minutes on the elliptical (400 calories) + 15 minutes on the bike (100 calories) + 40 minutes on the treadmill (350 calories) = 850 calories
Saturday: OFF
Sunday: Sarah Fit workout
For these past months, I've been focusing mostly on cardio. However, now I feel that it's time to add more strength training to my routine, and this is why I've added 2 days of the Jillian Michaels workout (30 day shred.) My knee isn't bothering me nearly as much as it used to, so everything seems to be working out splendidly.
In other news, I highly recommend the show "Covert Affairs" on USA.
Here's my non-pop workout playlist (mostly used for strength training):
- Infected Mushroom - Smashing the opponent
- System of a down - Aerials
- Kanye West - Power
- Kanye West - Stronger
- Disturbed - Down with the sickness
- Coheed & Cambria - Welcome home
- Fort Minor - Remember the name
- Eminem - Lose Yourself
- Pendulum - Watercolor
- Trick Daddy feat. Lil John & Twista - Let's go
And with that, I'm off to study Nihongo. Ci vediamo dopo.
Mirror, mirror on the wall Who is the biggest spy of them all?
- - -
And you pry and you pry, Hoping to always get by... Unnoticed, unscathed, Without unleashing my wrath. But I have noticed, you see.. People like you will NEVER outsmart the likes of me. And it's exhilarating to win at this game, So worry not, to no other shall I reveal your true name. I propose a toast for times to come and times long gone, Haven't you realized that I've just begun having my fun?
X: “You know that’s not the answer I’m looking for…”
K: “You’re right. And I also knew you were going to say that. How?”
X: “I already told you. In many ways, we are one.”
K: “Ok. Let’s assume for a minute that I actually believe that…”
X: “Good girl.”
K: “… if I believe that, then would I be correct in saying that you know what I’m thinking about this very minute?”
X: “You naughty girl…”
K: “What!? Wow...”
X: “Don’t be ashamed. Last time I check, you were a young human woman in your prime. It’s normal for your mind to wander to that from time to time.”
K: “I know that. You don’t have to lecture me on the nature of my species.”
X: “And you don’t have to go and get all defensive. All I’m saying is, you don’t have to be afraid of me.”
K: “For some reason, I’m not.”
X: “Good. Now that we’ve covered that… Tell me, how are you? There’s something different about you…”
K: “Well, I have lost about 30 pounds…”
X: “No, not that. That’s obvious, you know. And you don’t need me to tell you that you look great, which you do.”
K: “Then, how am I different? Different from when?”
X: “Different from the last time we saw each other…”
K: “Which was when exactly?”
X: “Well, I’m not sure. Or maybe I am, I just don’t want to tell you.”
K: “That’s not fair.”
X: “C’mon. Don’t play the justice card with me. You know I’d never fall for that.”
K: “Do I? Do I really know what you’d fall for…?”
X: “I thought we’d already established that we are one…”
K: “You’re impossible.”
X: “It’s part of my charm. But, don’t close up on me. We won’t get anywhere if you decide to keep to yourself. Actually, why haven’t you offered me a drink already? You’re usually such a good hostess.”
K: “Ok. What would you like? I’ve got Coke zero, Crystal Light, tea, coffee…”
X: “What do you take me for? Do I need to show you my ID? Surprise me.”
….
X: “A whiskey on the rocks, just what I wanted. Thank you. Nothing for yourself?”
K: “No, I’m good.”
X: “So, tell me, what’s so different about you?”
K: “If we are one, shouldn’t you know that already?”
X: “Hehe. Always the smart cookie. Of course, I know. But I want you to say it out loud, or at least to think about it.”
K: “I’m not as weak as the last time we met…”
X: “So, you do remember me now?”
K: “Maybe…”
X: “Hehe. Always the fast learner.”
K: “And you’re still as arrogant as ever…”
X: “If you had the answers to every question posed by humanity, wouldn’t you be too?”
K: “Well, no. If you knew me already, then you’d know that 90% of the time, I do think that I have all of the answers to humanity’s problems. However, I always second guess myself.”
X: “Not always. You know, you’re a lot more confident than you allow yourself to believe. There’s nothing wrong with being confident.”
K: “There isn’t. But there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And I don’t like being perceived as arrogant. It’s not cute.”
X: “You’re not striving to be cute, though. If you were trying to be cute, then your life would be very, very different.”
K: “Hmmm… Maybe.”
X: “You know I’m right.”
K: “What about you? What’ve you been up to?”
X: “Oh, you know me. Nothing much. Just doing my rounds.”
K: “Liberating souls one mind at a time?”
X: “Something like that…”
K: “Am I crazy?”
X: “Why would you say that?”
K: “Because I decided to stay here and have a conversation with you, when I should’ve ran to get a weapon.”
X: “You know I’m not going to hurt you. And I know you wouldn’t actually hurt me, either. But, let’s not lose precious time talking about that. Have you figured out what’s different about you?”
K: “I’ve grown up.”
X: “That was a weak, but safe answer. And yes, you would be right. I was looking for something more, but I’m not going to drill you any longer. You seem to have understood the gist of it, and that’s all I really care about.”
K: “Why are you here?”
X: “Why??? Why not?”
K: “Because, I’m doing fine. You shouldn’t show up out of the blue like that. There are other souls that need more help than I do. If you’d like, I can point you in their direction.”
X: “Maybe I shouldn’t have. But, I saw you here, already in a semi-meditative state. I couldn’t stay away. You really are a fascinating creature, you know.”
K: “Fascinating, eh? Lots of people would disagree.”
X: “Who? The people in this town? In this country?”
K: “Yea, but not only them. Lots of others, too.”
X: “And you already know that they’re poor, lost souls. Who cares what they think?”
K: “It’s not that I care what they think. It’s just that it’s easy to get lost in it all... I don’t know.”
X: “No, you aren’t getting lost. And you know this quite well. I don’t know why you keep playing these games with yourself. Just admit it – you’re doing what you came here to do. And you’ve succeeded so far. There’s still work to be done, but you’re doing wonderfully. And I guess that I needed to come give you some encouragement.”
K: “Why?”
X: “Because my opinion matters to you. It’s one of the few opinions that does, or should matter.”
K: “…”
X: “And no, I’m not being arrogant. I’m just being truthful.”
K: “So… if I’m so fascinating, why’d you stay away for so long?”
X: “I haven’t stayed away. We’re one, remember? In some ways, I’m always with you. But sometimes, I need to actively remind you that I’m still here.”
K: “But you’re not real…”
X: “Ouch. That hurt.”
K: “You know what I meant.”
X: “What’s real to you?”
K: “Something that I can see, feel, and will respond to my touch.”
X: “In that case, you left out the senses of taste, hearing, and smell. And don’t disappoint me. You know that’s not what you define as reality. Don’t make me take back what I said about you being fascinating.”
K: “You know what I meant.”
X: “And you keep saying that. I’m going to have to ask you to elaborate on this. It’s for your own good.”
K: “I’m here, having a full-on philosophical conversation with you, but I know that you’re not really here.”
X: “Just because I’m not really here doesn’t mean that I’m not real. Reality is subjective. And we’re both students of the school of Rene Descartes.”
K: “Je pense, donc je suis...”
X: “Oui.”
K: “I have missed you, you know.”
X: “I know. I’ve missed you, too.”
K: “When will I see you again?”
X: “I haven’t even left, and you’re already asking me that…?” Always so curious.”
K: “I can’t help it, it’s part of my charm.”
X: “Yes, yes it is. As I said before, I’m always here. And to answer the question that you want to ask, but are too afraid to do so… just give it time. You’ve barely begun the journey, but t least you’re on it.”
K: “And you? You’re on your journey, too?”
X: “I am. We’re always on a journey. All of us.”
K: “What about death?”
X: “You know what they say, the end of one journey is the beginning of another.”
K: “What happens when you reach nirvana? You know I’m more of a Buddhist these days.”
X: “That’s not for me to tell you. I said I had all the answers to humanity’s problems, what happens in the divine state is the jurisdiction of someone else.”
K: “But you surely have some thoughts on it?”
X: “I do. But that’s the topic of another conversation. Right now, I just wanted to tell you that you were on the right track. I know you feel lonely sometimes, and want to give up. But don’t give into abandon, as tempting as it may seem at times. Keep pushing forward... and keep your heart pure and open.”
K: “It’s not very open and pure these days.”
X: “Oh, stop being so dramatic. So, you’ve had your heartbroken a few times? Big deal. We’ve all dealt with that. And I already told you, give it time. Despite being so analytical, and the fact that you second-guess yourself all the time, I know that there are some things that you believe to your very core. Keep on believing them. Some things, you just know. Have faith in your convictions.”
K: “Hmmmm…”
X: “With that, my dear lady, I’m afraid I hear another soul calling out my name. Not looking forward to that encounter, but a man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do.”
He got up gently, adjusted his jeans, kissed me on the forehead, and walked towards the dark yard, his figure blending in with the shadows, until they’d completely consumed him.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
I woke up and checked my watch. It was fifteen after twelve - I’d only been asleep for a little over five minutes. I sighed deeply, for I knew that none of it could have been real. I quickly picked up the hookah and all its supplies, knowing that my brother would kill me if I left it outside overnight.
I cleaned up the kitchen and dragged myself upstairs to my room, where the cool breeze emanating from the air conditioner quickly dried up the sweat that was dripping down my face – even summer nights are unbearable here. I washed my teeth and collapsed on the bed, falling into a deep slumber as soon as my face hit the pillow.
The following morning, I found a note from my mother on my desk, “We’re going to the supermarket with your father. Call us if you need anything. BTW, next time you feel like drinking your father’s whiskey, at least finish it up – you left the glass outside. And since when do you drink whiskey, anyways? Love, mom.”
Today, I feel better than "just alright." I've come a LONG way in this process, and I've certainly been busy making myself strong, both physically and mentally. I've realized that though it may take a long time for us to reach our goals, victory will be a sweet, sweet nectar. Most importantly, I've realized that one day, the world won't know what hit it. The day when I finally come out to play is near... ;)
