The shadows keep on changing...

X: “You know that’s not the answer I’m looking for…”

K: “You’re right. And I also knew you were going to say that. How?”

X: “I already told you. In many ways, we are one.”

K: “Ok. Let’s assume for a minute that I actually believe that…”

X: “Good girl.”

K: “… if I believe that, then would I be correct in saying that you know what I’m thinking about this very minute?”

X: “You naughty girl…”

K: “What!? Wow...”

X: “Don’t be ashamed. Last time I check, you were a young human woman in your prime. It’s normal for your mind to wander to that from time to time.”

K: “I know that. You don’t have to lecture me on the nature of my species.”

X: “And you don’t have to go and get all defensive. All I’m saying is, you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

K: “For some reason, I’m not.”

X: “Good. Now that we’ve covered that… Tell me, how are you? There’s something different about you…”

K: “Well, I have lost about 30 pounds…”

X: “No, not that. That’s obvious, you know. And you don’t need me to tell you that you look great, which you do.”

K: “Then, how am I different? Different from when?”

X: “Different from the last time we saw each other…”

K: “Which was when exactly?”

X: “Well, I’m not sure. Or maybe I am, I just don’t want to tell you.”

K: “That’s not fair.”

X: “C’mon. Don’t play the justice card with me. You know I’d never fall for that.”

K: “Do I? Do I really know what you’d fall for…?”

X: “I thought we’d already established that we are one…”

K: “You’re impossible.”

X: “It’s part of my charm. But, don’t close up on me. We won’t get anywhere if you decide to keep to yourself. Actually, why haven’t you offered me a drink already? You’re usually such a good hostess.”

K: “Ok. What would you like? I’ve got Coke zero, Crystal Light, tea, coffee…”

X: “What do you take me for? Do I need to show you my ID? Surprise me.”

….

X: “A whiskey on the rocks, just what I wanted. Thank you. Nothing for yourself?”

K: “No, I’m good.”

X: “So, tell me, what’s so different about you?”

K: “If we are one, shouldn’t you know that already?”

X: “Hehe. Always the smart cookie. Of course, I know. But I want you to say it out loud, or at least to think about it.”

K: “I’m not as weak as the last time we met…”

X: “So, you do remember me now?”

K: “Maybe…”

X: “Hehe. Always the fast learner.”

K: “And you’re still as arrogant as ever…”

X: “If you had the answers to every question posed by humanity, wouldn’t you be too?”

K: “Well, no. If you knew me already, then you’d know that 90% of the time, I do think that I have all of the answers to humanity’s problems. However, I always second guess myself.”

X: “Not always. You know, you’re a lot more confident than you allow yourself to believe. There’s nothing wrong with being confident.”

K: “There isn’t. But there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And I don’t like being perceived as arrogant. It’s not cute.”

X: “You’re not striving to be cute, though. If you were trying to be cute, then your life would be very, very different.”

K: “Hmmm… Maybe.”

X: “You know I’m right.”

K: “What about you? What’ve you been up to?”

X: “Oh, you know me. Nothing much. Just doing my rounds.”

K: “Liberating souls one mind at a time?”

X: “Something like that…”

K: “Am I crazy?”

X: “Why would you say that?”

K: “Because I decided to stay here and have a conversation with you, when I should’ve ran to get a weapon.”

X: “You know I’m not going to hurt you. And I know you wouldn’t actually hurt me, either. But, let’s not lose precious time talking about that. Have you figured out what’s different about you?”

K: “I’ve grown up.”

X: “That was a weak, but safe answer. And yes, you would be right. I was looking for something more, but I’m not going to drill you any longer. You seem to have understood the gist of it, and that’s all I really care about.”

K: “Why are you here?”

X: “Why??? Why not?”

K: “Because, I’m doing fine. You shouldn’t show up out of the blue like that. There are other souls that need more help than I do. If you’d like, I can point you in their direction.”

X: “Maybe I shouldn’t have. But, I saw you here, already in a semi-meditative state. I couldn’t stay away. You really are a fascinating creature, you know.”

K: “Fascinating, eh? Lots of people would disagree.”

X: “Who? The people in this town? In this country?”

K: “Yea, but not only them. Lots of others, too.”

X: “And you already know that they’re poor, lost souls. Who cares what they think?”

K: “It’s not that I care what they think. It’s just that it’s easy to get lost in it all... I don’t know.”

X: “No, you aren’t getting lost. And you know this quite well. I don’t know why you keep playing these games with yourself. Just admit it – you’re doing what you came here to do. And you’ve succeeded so far. There’s still work to be done, but you’re doing wonderfully. And I guess that I needed to come give you some encouragement.”

K: “Why?”

X: “Because my opinion matters to you. It’s one of the few opinions that does, or should matter.”

K: “…”

X: “And no, I’m not being arrogant. I’m just being truthful.”

K: “So… if I’m so fascinating, why’d you stay away for so long?”

X: “I haven’t stayed away. We’re one, remember? In some ways, I’m always with you. But sometimes, I need to actively remind you that I’m still here.”

K: “But you’re not real…”

X: “Ouch. That hurt.”

K: “You know what I meant.”

X: “What’s real to you?”

K: “Something that I can see, feel, and will respond to my touch.”

X: “In that case, you left out the senses of taste, hearing, and smell. And don’t disappoint me. You know that’s not what you define as reality. Don’t make me take back what I said about you being fascinating.”

K: “You know what I meant.”

X: “And you keep saying that. I’m going to have to ask you to elaborate on this. It’s for your own good.”

K: “I’m here, having a full-on philosophical conversation with you, but I know that you’re not really here.”

X: “Just because I’m not really here doesn’t mean that I’m not real. Reality is subjective. And we’re both students of the school of Rene Descartes.”

K: “Je pense, donc je suis...”

X: “Oui.”

K: “I have missed you, you know.”

X: “I know. I’ve missed you, too.”

K: “When will I see you again?”

X: “I haven’t even left, and you’re already asking me that…?” Always so curious.”

K: “I can’t help it, it’s part of my charm.”

X: “Yes, yes it is. As I said before, I’m always here. And to answer the question that you want to ask, but are too afraid to do so… just give it time. You’ve barely begun the journey, but t least you’re on it.”

K: “And you? You’re on your journey, too?”

X: “I am. We’re always on a journey. All of us.”

K: “What about death?”

X: “You know what they say, the end of one journey is the beginning of another.”

K: “What happens when you reach nirvana? You know I’m more of a Buddhist these days.”

X: “That’s not for me to tell you. I said I had all the answers to humanity’s problems, what happens in the divine state is the jurisdiction of someone else.”

K: “But you surely have some thoughts on it?”

X: “I do. But that’s the topic of another conversation. Right now, I just wanted to tell you that you were on the right track. I know you feel lonely sometimes, and want to give up. But don’t give into abandon, as tempting as it may seem at times. Keep pushing forward... and keep your heart pure and open.”

K: “It’s not very open and pure these days.”

X: “Oh, stop being so dramatic. So, you’ve had your heartbroken a few times? Big deal. We’ve all dealt with that. And I already told you, give it time. Despite being so analytical, and the fact that you second-guess yourself all the time, I know that there are some things that you believe to your very core. Keep on believing them. Some things, you just know. Have faith in your convictions.”

K: “Hmmmm…”

X: “With that, my dear lady, I’m afraid I hear another soul calling out my name. Not looking forward to that encounter, but a man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do.”

He got up gently, adjusted his jeans, kissed me on the forehead, and walked towards the dark yard, his figure blending in with the shadows, until they’d completely consumed him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

I woke up and checked my watch. It was fifteen after twelve - I’d only been asleep for a little over five minutes. I sighed deeply, for I knew that none of it could have been real. I quickly picked up the hookah and all its supplies, knowing that my brother would kill me if I left it outside overnight.

I cleaned up the kitchen and dragged myself upstairs to my room, where the cool breeze emanating from the air conditioner quickly dried up the sweat that was dripping down my face – even summer nights are unbearable here. I washed my teeth and collapsed on the bed, falling into a deep slumber as soon as my face hit the pillow.

The following morning, I found a note from my mother on my desk, “We’re going to the supermarket with your father. Call us if you need anything. BTW, next time you feel like drinking your father’s whiskey, at least finish it up – you left the glass outside. And since when do you drink whiskey, anyways? Love, mom.”