The intricacies of the human mind fascinate me to the point that I often wonder why I never really considered psychology as a possible career path for myself. Why I perceive and process things in a seemingly different manner than my peers has got to be one of the questions that pops up with alarming frequency in my mind. And so, to further aid me in this process of solving the endless riddle that is the human brain (or at least, my own) I have taken an endless amount of personality quizzes, even those ridiculous little ones on BlogThings.com. All of you already know this - I’m sure I have mentioned this at least once in the blog before and many more times in our conversations, so I won’t go on and on about the topic. That said, I would like to take the opportunity to discuss an issue that lies on the same spectrum: the difference between personality and character.
Perhaps the most comprehensive personality test that I have ever taken was the Myers-Brigg one, where I learned that my personality type was that of the INTJ, also referred to as the Mastermind. I remember posting something about this a few months ago, so I’ll just refresh your mind. INTJ stands for Introversion, Intuition, Thinking, and Judgment. According to the Wikipedia article on INTJs, our biggest problem is that we want others to make sense (which I can totally relate to.) Additionally, when it comes to our interpersonal relationships, what we crave the most is harmony and are hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those we care for. Anyways, my point was to illustrate what defines a personality. Personality traits are those that are readily apparent; those that we can distinguish in a person when we first meet them.
Character, on the other hand, takes a lot longer to assess - it's what is underneath the surface. The way that I like to think of character is that it’s essentially what we can find at a person’s core; a person’s true self; a person’s “essence.” Character gauges certain things such as: trustworthiness, responsibility, respect, kindness, etc.
So what’s the point of talking about this? Well, this post was partially inspired by a conversation I was having with a friend about whether or not human beings can change. I think that when everything is said and done, there are certain things that a person can change about him/herself, but it’s only with regards to the realm of the personality.
For example, I would currently define myself as a complete introvert. However, my positioning on the introvert-extrovert level has changed drastically in the last couple of years. Some of you might not believe this, but a few years ago I was actually the life of the party, not in the sense that I was the girl dancing on tables and acting like Kesha, but more in the sense that I was the person that everyone wanted to talk to. I was somewhat of a social butterfly and had absolutely no doubt in my mind that I could perform as successfully at a college party as I would at a Royal Ball full of monarchs and politicians. If it were up to me, I would always prefer going out with close friends to a wine tasting than a night of clubbing with hundreds of strangers. That said, it doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of enjoying the latter or that if I wanted, that I could make it my default method of entertainment. These kinds of things can and will change many times throughout the course of your life. Just because you behave in a particular way at this point in your life does not mean that you will be this way forever. In fact, I think that as a group we should encourage people to build their own personalities, and not follow what society dictates is favorable (ie, it is preferred to be extroverted than introverted.) This way, we’ll have more and more individuals who are satisfied with who they are and will be able to focus on putting their best self and efforts out there. For example, I’m probably borderline Hikikomori now (yes, I am exaggerating), and on certain (the worst) days , I have even come to define my self-worth on the availability of friends, which is absolutely ludicrous considering that I know very well what I am worth (and that I don’t need nobody to make me feel complete. Mmmmmm-hmmmmm.) Humor aside (
However, the trick is that for these changes to be permanent they have to be harmonious with one’s character. Your character, your “essence” is who you are when you’re at your best self: when you’re at peace, self-reliant, loving, creative, etc. I’ve heard many stories of people claiming that they don’t know who they really are, and though it may be true in some cases, I think that we are all capable of detecting those values that mean the most to us – those values that we are not willing to bend or break under any circumstance. Going back to my previous example, choosing to become less dependent doesn’t conflict in any way with my character. However, if I said I wanted to become one of those girls who pursues older men for their money (extreme example), that would completely go against some of the qualities that I value the most: honesty and respect (both self and towards others.) You might say, "But everyone values honesty and respect!" To which I would answer that you'd be surprised to find out how many people value other things more (not that I'm one to pass judgment.) In any case, I think (though I may be wrong) that it is precisely here where many people get lost. In their attempt to be what society wants them to be, they lose sight of their true self, leading to an inner conflict that is difficult to resolve.
To end this, I would just like to point out that it seems that in recent years more emphasis has been put on “preferred personality traits,” as opposed to “preferred character.” I strongly believe that it is this key difference that makes or breaks relationships (whether romantic, platonic, professional, etc.) A person’s physique may attract us, their personality may charm us, but at the end of the day, it’s a person’s character that determines whether we want them in our life for the short or the long-term. This is why getting to know someone (truly know them) takes time boys and girls. Really, don't judge a book by its cover (or just by its first pages), you never know what's lurking underneath the surface.
