No one (wo)man should have all that power

Maybe most of you have realized this already, but there is a reason behind every single one of my actions. Even if people don't see the why of something I've done, I can assure you that the reason is there. However, I've adopted a very honest stance to life. I don't do or say things unless I truly feel like doing/saying them. That said, it doesn't mean that I have completely let go of my diplomatic ways. Oh, no. The charmer is still here. I've always liked and will probably always like being on top. So, I decided to share some of my commandments with regards to power, taken from the book "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene.


Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

Law 4: Always say less than necessary
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear; and the less you are in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinx-like. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

Law 5: So much depends on reputation – Guard it with your life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.

Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
The perfect courtiers thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the most oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.

Law 34: Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like one
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated: in the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself, and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: when you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of the Mirror Effect.

Start spreading the news...

So, I got this in the mail today... I got in to NYU. Wow!

I was checking my mail right after lunch, which consisted of a cup of vegetable broth and a bunch of vegetables since I'm on a liquid cleanse, and I see an email whose subject line read: "NYU GSAS Application Decision." I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting the best of news, but when I read the line: "I'm very pleased to tell you that..." my heart started racing and I knew I'd done it!!! NYU's Master in Politics (Specialization in International Affairs) is listed as the 10th best in the entire country. They accept only about 24% of applicants, and yours truly was one of them. I don't know whether I'll get the same news for Columbia, but this on its own is a huge achievement. My confidence had been dwindling the last couple of months, and somewhere it was written that on March 1, 2011, I was to find out that I STILL GOT IT! Today, I felt much more alive than I've felt in a long time, and I have to say, it feels great! This one moment was worth absolutely everything I went through last year. Watch out bitches, Ms. KB is back...

Oh, and now that I'm revealing information - I might be headed to Miami in April. My plan is to be there for a week, specifically for the Lady Gaga concert, so hit me up if you want to celebrate! Friends and haters alike, I owe my strength to all of you! Friends: you give me the strength to get up in the morning with all the faith you've got in me. Haters: getting to prove that I'm so much more fabulous than you'd ever imagined is just a wonderful perk! Peace out!

My sonnet

I wish I had been gifted in the art of poetry to say that the following lines had been birthed by my own pen, but alas, they were not. Full credit goes to one of my brilliant, wonderfully talented friends who wrote this with me (and my experiences) in mind. This is certainly one of the best presents I have ever received: to have my essence in words forever caught.

Alone, your words haunt my ev'ry thought
Their meaning steals away as I draw near.
I remember now, what you must have forgot,
A smile that from my mind won't disappear.

What seek I in your voice as I most fear,
To know you, but to know you love me not?
Such doubt, such questions do in me arear,
And in their vain pursuit I am distraught.

They who find in scripture, truth, in science, fact,
Who prize philosophy, who medicine defend,
Cannot explain to me your heartless act.

I see it beat, it suffer, oh my friend
How long must we endure this life love-lack'd?
A word, but one, could put this all to end.

Le mie parole

As a passionate student of many languages, linguistic anthropology, or the study of how language can shape our views of society and influence our social experiences, has always been something of much interest to me. I’ve frequently said that I feel that learning another language is like acquiring a new soul, and although I unfortunately cannot claim this idea to be my own, I think it accurately describes what learning a new language does to a human being. For me, learning languages isn’t about bragging that I can speak “X” amount of languages (although I do love the admiration I get when I do, hehe.) Nor is it about the generous paycheck I expect to receive someday as a result of my arduous studies. Learning languages is about being able to communicate effectively with more and more people. Many times people don’t realize the tremendous value that we humans can serve to one another: we can be a source of inspiration, a source of knowledge, a source of pain, love, etc. Being able to communicate with people of different backgrounds in their native language is something that fascinates and inspires me to keep studying languages (despite how hard the task may seem at times!)

This is a post that I’ve always wanted to write, but kept on postponing for a million reasons. Nowadays, I’ve got more than enough time on my hands, so I figured the time had come to finally sit down, let the words flow, and give birth to my baby – it’s been incubating long enough! And yes, for those who got it, this is a mo-mo-monster of a cultural reference, hehe. ;-)

So, what is this all about? Well, there are 2 words/phrases that I simply adore; one is in Portuguese, the other is in Japanese. For each one, I’ll go ahead and give you the word itself, break down its meaning for you, give you a brief history of it or narrate how I came into contact with it, and will end with an example of the song’s usage in music. As nerdy as this might sound, I have to admit that this has got to be one of my favorite posts out of the ones that I’ve done so far. I actually did a little bit of research for it and am even trying to make it somewhat interactive by adding YouTube videos. I truly hope you all enjoy it, and I hope I make more posts like this in the future. Without further ado…

I. Saudade

To my knowledge, only a few of you who read this blog (actually, if my intelligence-collection mechanism is running accurately, it’s only 2 of you) can speak Portuguese. Unfortunately, I cannot list Portuguese under the list of languages that I have some proficiency in, but I am able to understand a good 90% of it. I don’t remember exactly where or when I first heard this word, but I have an inkling that it was in an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations that he filmed in Brazil. In any case, saudade (which sounds something like: saudaji), according to native Portuguese speakers, does not have an exact translation into any other language, but its meaning most closely resembles that of nostalgia, or a longing for something that is missing. However, saudade is said to go way beyond missing something or someone, it also said to be a “melancholic feeling of incompleteness” that is often felt for something that does not (or even, cannot) exist.

The word itself is said to have originated in Portugal in the 13th century and was mostly used by poets of the time to express the sadness and longing that loved ones felt about those who had departed on journeys to the unknown seas and had disappeared in shipwrecks or had died in battle, never to come back. In the 16th century, it became a popular word in the villancicos or canticas of Portugal. For those who don’t know, a villancico is essentially a musical poem that typically has a rustic or pastoral theme. Later on, the word saudade came to be associated with migrants from Portugal or Spain who had traveled to the Americas and felt “saudade” for their homeland. So, saudade is having a sense of deep despair, not only as a result of missing something that you’ve lost, but also of longing something that will never be yours.

Why do I like it? Well, to start off, I really like how the word itself sounds, and I like the fact that it’s so versatile; it be used to describe a longing for many things: an ex lover, your childhood memories, your homeland, etc. To me at least, it has a really powerful meaning.

With that said, I’d like to give you an example of how it’s used in music. The following is a very famous bossa nova song called “Chega de saudade,” which is often translated as “No more blues” or “Enough with the saudade.” Bossa nova, often called the Brazilian jazz, is one of my favorite musical genres because it’s very harmonious, smooth, and relaxing. In this particular case, I think that the genre of the song works wonderfully with its title and lyrics (also included here), as it helps the listener to really capture the mood of the song.



Vai minha tristeza / Go, my sadness
E diz a ela que sem ela não pode ser / Tell her that without her it cannot be
Diz-lhe numa prece que ela regresse / Tell her in a prayer to come back
Porque não posso mais sofrer. / Because I cannot suffer anymore.
Chega de saudade, / Enough with the saudade (despair, loneliness)
A realidade é que sem ela / The reality is that without her
Não há paz, Não há beleza, / There is no peace, there is no beauty
É só tristeza e a melancholia / There is only sadness and melancholy
Que não sai de mim, / That won’t leave me alone
Não sai de mim, não sai. / Won’t leave me, won’t leave.
Mas, se ela voltar, / But, if she comes back
Se ela voltar que coisa linda! / If she comes back, what a wonderful thing
Que coisa louca! / What a crazy thing!
Pois há menos peixinhos a nadar no mar / For there are less fish swimming in the sea
Do que os beijinhos / Than the kisses
Que eu darei na sua boca. / That I’ll give you in your mouth
Dentro dos meus braços, os abraços / Inside my arms, my arms
Hão de ser milhões de abraços / There will be millions of hugs
Apertado assim, colado assim, calada assim, / Tight like this, united like this, quiet like this
Abraços e beijinhos e carinhos sem ter fim, / Infinite hugs and kisses and caresses
Que é pra acabar com esse negócio de viver longe de mim. / To end this “living without me” business
Não quero mais esse negócio de você viver assim / Don’t want this business of “you living like this”
Vamos deixar esse negócio de você viver sem mim... / Let’s end this business of “you living without me.”

II. Ishin denshin （以心伝心：いしんでんしん）

This is one that I’ve certainly mentioned in previous posts, but that most of you should know (once again, my intelligence-collection mechanism lets me know that about 95% of you are, or at some point have called yourself, a student of Japanese)!

Ishin denshin is a compound of 4 Kanji: 以 (i: by means of) 心 (shin: heart/mind) 伝 (den: to transmit/to communicate) 心 (shin: heart/mind.) So, essentially, the meaning of it is: to transmit or communicate one’s heart (feelings, thoughts, etc.) by means of the mind/heart. I’ve also heard it defined as “heart to heart” or, more vaguely as “telepathy.”

I first came into contact with this concept in 2007, when I went to study abroad in Japan. (I was actually on a date with a cute Japanese boy, but more about that later.) The setting: a bench outside a high-tech (and very noisy) arcade located in a mall close to Kyoto station. I love going to movie theaters, so I wanted to have a movie-going experience in Japan. The opportunity presented itself for me to go and watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End with this boy who I had a small crush on. So, I took it! I had only taken 2 semesters of Japanese before studying abroad, so my Japanese was very limited. But, in any case, back to the bench – his English wasn’t very good either, but we were trying our best to communicate with each other without using his denshi-jisho (electronic dictionary.) I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I do remember that I’d nod my head and say “分かる、分かる”(I understand, I understand), after everything he said.

Despite the language barrier, we managed to understand each other pretty well, and he ended up saying that he thought we were “ishin denshin.” He explained that it basically meant to understand someone else’s feelings and thoughts without having to express them out loud, or explicitly. Nowadays, I use “ishin denshin” to describe my relationship with my closest friends, because without me having to give them much of an explanation, they always seem to “get me.” As human beings, we’re always looking to be heard and understood, and I think that “ishin denshin” describes the type of relationship that many of us are looking for. We want to have people who understand us without us having to put much effort into it. Also, I realize now that “ishin denshin” is a concept that is especially important to the Japanese, who are world-renowned for their culture of indirectness.

The song that I’ve chosen to exemplify the idea of “ishin denshin” is by Orange Range, a very popular rock band in Japan.



The song is very uplifting and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was used for an anime or J-drama opening. In any case, it’s called “Ishin denshin” and the lyrics to the chorus are as follows:

僕らはいつも以心伝心 (Bokura ha itsumo ishin denshin) / We’re always connected to one another
二人の距離つなぐテレパシー (Futari no kyori tsunagu terepashi-) / The distance between us bridged by telepathy
恋なんて七転び八起き　(Koi nante nana korobi ya oki) / Love is getting up after a fall
やさしい風ほら笑顔に変えて (Yasashii kaze hora egao ni kaete) / The gente wind is changing into a smile
離れてたって以心伝心　(Hanareteta tte ishin denshin) / Being separated with telepathy
黙ってたってわかる気持ち (Damatteta tte wakaru kimochi) / We’re silent and understand each other’s feelings
想いよ届け君の元に　(Omoi yo todoke kimi no moto ni) / Reach out, my feelings to where you are
未来につないでく信号は愛のメッセージ (Mirai ni tsunaideku shingou ha ai no messe-ji) / Connected to the future, the signal is a message of love

Well, that is about it! Next time I do something like this, I hope to select something from either Spanish, English, or Italian. I haven't really thought about Spanish or English, but in Italian I like the phrase: "dolce far niente" (pleasant idleness: the sweetness of doing nothing.) However, I got this from the book "Eat, Pray, Love" and I feel I have to be more original than that, so I'll keep on thinking about it! Until next time...

I like it rough...

"Can't sleep with the man who dims my shine."

That's all... ;-)

A little bit more about me...

I'm not a famous celebrity or anything of the sort, but I do try to make the lives of those that I come into contact with a bit more... colorful. Yes, let's use that word, colorful. At first sight, I may come off as conservative - I'm well aware of this. In fact, this is how I wish to portray myself. It's not that I'm really a snob (although I would call myself an elitist of sorts), but I tend to be very exclusive, in that I don't open up to most people. Unlike many, I have no desire to pursue fake relationships, or friendships of convenience. Whenever I let someone in, it's because they've "passed my tests," and I consider them to be worthy of my time. Yes, I know how this makes me sound: like a total stuck-up bitch! Well, hopefully, those who are reading this (or at least most of you) know me well enough already to know that as bitchy as I may come off to be, I'm just honest. I've built up good relationships with my close friends and family, and at this point, I feel comfortable to be myself with them and have no desire to lie about who I am.

Some of you may know that I have somewhat of a flair for the theatrical. Why? Well, it's not just because I love drama in general, but the truth is that I tend to lead a conservative and simple lifestyle. Therefore, I feel that I must get excitement from somewhere. Maybe this is the part of me that tends to attract equally (or more) dramatic people. (The study of why I attract some very odd individuals is still a work in progress.) Also, I know that I tend to exaggerate things, but it's only for my own entertainment and amusement. Despite the drama, I consider myself to be well grounded, at least enough to distinguish between fantasy and reality, and to get rid of precarious situations.

I was watching a Lady Gaga interview the other day (and yes, you all know that I adore her! If you don't, then you should go back to Krizia 101), and she said that she feels that part of her success comes from the fact that she is the director of every single aspect of her life: her music, her fashion, her interviews. She went on to say that in order to maintain this level of control, it helps to envision that there are cameras around her 24/7. I have to admit that at times I have also indulged in this sentiment. It's not that I think that I'm so fascinating that I would have cameras following me around 24/7, but I can relate to her in the sense that I feel that I must have self-control over everything I do at all times. I'm not going to lie, this can get a bit exhausting, but the few times I've tried to "let go" and completely lower my inhibitions have been somewhat disastrous! I know how crazy this might all sound, but I know that I can't be the only person who feels this way. Maybe, I'm just the only one who has the guts to make such a confession, but that's not the point. The point is, all of this is part of who I am: exclusive, dramatic, and a control freak! And to be honest, I like who I am...

Now, I'm going to switch gears and tell you what's actually been happening in my life. Tomorrow is my 4th or 5th weigh-in. For those who don't know, I go to a nutritionist every week, and she checks my weight and gives me a personalized menu designed to help me lose 2 pounds per week. At last week's weigh-in, I had already lost 8 pounds and 8 inches! So, tomorrow I expect to have lost another 2, and have reached the 10-pounds milestone! I'm still feeling very confident about this whole ordeal, and though I know I have a long way to go, I see nothing impeding my success! To help with my motivation, I told myself that after every 10-pounds lost, I would buy myself something nice, such as a new pair of shoes, a new shirt, etc. So, yes! Go me!

I expect that in less than a month I'll have heard from Columbia and NYU on whether they've accepted me or not, so until then, my plans are kind of frozen in space and time. I am seriously considering taking an online course designed to certify me in teaching English, in case I ever decide to go teach English to Japan or Europe... Who knows? All I know is that the future is mine, so we all better pray that the world doesn't come to an end in 2012! Hehe.

Solitude: Friend or foe?

What is it about solitude that terrifies us so? (At least most of us, anyways.) I’ve always said that I actually prize alone time because it gives me a chance to think, to pursue the things that I want to pursue, to get to know myself better. But, to be completely honest, I don’t think I’ve spent a single day in my entire existence completely and utterly alone. When I want to be alone, I just isolate myself physically from others – I lock myself in my room, close all the windows, and that’s it. But, I’ve always had the option of leaving my temporary hermit-dom to go talk to a family member in the living room or in the kitchen. When I hear stories of people who go off into the wild by themselves, I can’t help but wonder if I’d be able to do so myself, for even when I’m pretending to be a hermit, I’m never fully disconnected from the outside world – I’m checking my Facebook, am texting someone, reading news online, etc.

Part of the reason why I like to keep my mind busy and engaged all the time is because I’m not very good at dealing with my own thoughts and feelings. I will confess that it’s often the case when I purposely put off dealing with emotions because I don’t want to feel the hurt, the pain, etc. For me, at least, this is why solitude is so terrifying – it’s when all of the demons that live inside my mind come out to play. I tend to have so many thoughts in my mind at the same time that it feels as if it were spinning at light speed. Crazy, huh? Crazy, indeed!

Lately I’ve been realizing that my fear of solitude has been greatly unfounded. In fact, I’m willing to go as far as to say that solitude is highly misunderstood. I’m not a party girl by any means, but the last couple of months that I lived in Miami, I went out very, very frequently. I’d go out to dinner with friends, out for a drink, to the movies, coffee, anything – I really would accept most invitations that came my way. I have to admit that a great part of it was because I was going through a period of loss (heartbreak) and I didn’t want to deal with it. I’d do anything to get my mind off of the pain, the disappointment, and the rejection. I think that at the time I wasn’t ready to deal with it all, so I appreciate the efforts that my friends put into distracting me.

However, ever since I’ve been in Honduras, I’ve had almost no social life at all. Furthermore, I realized that my isolation has been greatly by choice; it’s as if I unconsciously forced myself into a period of loneliness just so that I could finally deal with my untouched emotions. Thankfully, it’s worked. I’ve come to see that there can be something very beautiful about solitude.

I’m usually the kind of person who tries to analyze everything, give logical explanations to all kinds of phenomena, and whose mind never rests. I’ve still got a long way to go before I can completely relax my mind, but the fact that I’ve started to make use of my alone time has certainly helped me tremendously. I realized that I don’t have to be afraid of the demons of my past anymore, for at the end of the day, everything I think is within myself, and as such, I have the power to control it. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I felt sad for having lost someone who I cared about, so I finally starting to deal with this pain. At the beginning I tried to analyze the whole situation, trying to figure out what I’d done wrong, or what the turning point had been, but I came to see that I’d never know the whole truth, and that the past was the past anyways. So, I focused on recovering the good memories I’d made with this person, letting them know that the past was the past, and asking for forgiveness for my mistakes, while accepting that they wouldn’t be a part of my present or my future, and that I would be okay. Little did I know that by befriending one of the demons, I’d invited all the others to come out and play. Little by little, I started uncovering things about myself that I wasn’t okay with, but that I knew I had to deal with now, for I’d neglected them in the past. Well, it suffices to say that it’s an ongoing process with no deadline.

The whole point of this blog was not really to talk about myself, but to let you see that there can be something very beneficial about solitude, and that we must not fear it. What’s worked for me is to seek a greater intimacy and understanding of myself by accepting my past mistakes and flaws. For others, the greatness in solitude may lie in a sense of relief of social obligations, etc. Whatever the reason, I advise all of you to find something that you enjoy about being alone, and to cultivate it. Take 20 minutes a day to just sit by yourself, disconnect from the world, relax, and just let a flow of thoughts invade your mind, without trying to resist them. Soon enough, your own demons will emerge, and terrifying at first, you’ll realize that they’re nothing but a super-sized bully of yourself. And how do we deal with bullies? Well, we stand up to them! If you’re not ready for this quite yet, then take your alone time as a chance to rediscover yourself. Think about your body, your thoughts, your personality, those distinct features that make you YOU, and go from there.

At this point you may be asking yourself, what’s the point of all this? Well, let me answer this by means of a quote: "When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others." The more progress you make, the more you’ll come to see that your relationships with others will start to transform before your very eyes. You’ll no longer feel the need to play games with people, or to make your actions dependent on social obligations. We live in a time when we’re more interconnected than ever before: Skype, Facebook, Twitter, text messages, and the list goes on, but with how many others do you actually pursue an emotional, deep connection with? Often times, we make friends on the basis that we have one thing in common, and that’s it. We go out, have fun, but do we really try to discover how their soul works, how their mind thinks? I can’t generalize, but most of the time, we don’t. It’s like we use others to fill a void, and we justify it by saying that they do the same. I’m not necessarily saying that there is anything wrong with this kind of relationship, but every once in a while, I do enjoy making a connection with someone else's soul. Being at peace with yourself will strip you from unnecessary elements, and will allow you to connect with others at a deeper level, or to at least try to (many times, the other person doesn’t cooperate.)

Still with me? If you’ve made it this far, kudos! We’re almost done. What are you to take from all of this: embrace solitude as a way to rediscover yourself, and as a starting point to cultivating deeper relationships with others. I’ll end with a quote from Gandhi: “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the 'atomic age' - as in being able to remake ourselves."