I AM my hair... Before & After (Hair edition)

So, I finally changed my hair. I didn't want to put too many (new) pictures of myself on Facebook at the same time, thus I decided to create a blog post with these new pictures in case anyone was interested in seeing other poses/shots. Oh, and I swear I'm not usually this narcissistic - I just like my new hair!

BEFORE

AFTER

After this, no more pictures of myself for a while... I promise! 

And to end, a hair themed song from no other than Lady Gaga (naturally... hehe)

Something

There was just something different in the air tonight. There I was, walking through the dimly lit corridor  leading to my room, and something deep within me started stirring. Something that made me feel that things were going to change - and soon. I'll be honest, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was definitely something there. Some inexplicable and mysterious vibe. Something that was simply... different. And hey, you all know me, I'm as skeptical as they come, but sometimes (on very rare occasions) you just get that feeling deep within your bones - that undeniable, exciting, and yet slightly alarming feeling - that something is coming.

Gypsy

Broke my heart on the road, 

spent the weekend sewing the pieces back on. 

1. I like codes. Even simple ones, like:

ZKJP SKNNU. E GJKS PDA PNQPD. ERA CERAJ QL.
Apple is WLLHA.
Hello is DAHHK.

2. I think that people often underestimate me. Not only that, but it really offends me when people treat me as being less intellectually capable than I actually am. And I cannot stress this enough. Maybe I need to work on my presence (or something), because nothing irritates me more than someone taking me as a fool.

3. I don’t believe in love at first sight. In fact, when people say that they’ve fallen in love at first sight, I don’t think it’s romantic (as most people do.) Au contraire, I think it’s quite shallow. In fact, I’ve fallen in love with men who I didn’t really find that attractive at first. What can I say? I have a big heart.

4. I consider myself to be a morally conscious hedonist intertwined with a few threads of existentialist. How does that work exactly? Well, you’re free to interpret it as you’d like.

5. I think I am too nice, and as a result, I’m often taken for granted and left in the background.

6. I believe in second chances, but I think you have to ask for them directly and honestly. And as much as I like saying that I believe in vengeance, I really don't. I think that it's better to let things run their course.

7. The end doesn’t always justify the means. But sometimes, you have to make a few exceptions.

8. I like spy stories in every form: novels, TV shows, movies, etc.

9. I think there can be beauty in chaos. In fact, I think that it’s during the rough times that true identities and alliances are revealed. “Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

10. The truth is, I’m not even half the woman that I aspire to become. That said, I still think I’m much better than many girls out there. And it isn't a matter about being arrogant. It's just that I've had the opportunity to observe countless females in their natural habitats and I'm not really impressed by their behaviors. In any case, I've decided to accept that it’s not really my fault if people decide to focus on what I’m not instead of what I am. I really do think that someday someone somewhere will come to see me for what I'm really worth. Until then, I think it's probably best to remain as an undiscovered treasure.

End of summer goals

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been feeling somewhat unmotivated. And unlike most other times when I’ve said that I don’t know the cause of my negative emotions, the truth is that this time around I know perfectly well why I am feeling the way that I am. Although I’m not entirely comfortable talking about it, I will say that my situation is comparable to the feeling you get when you’ve gone to a job interview that went amazingly well. Yet despite having answered every questioned perfectly and feeling that you were a good fit for the company you had applied to, you never got a call back. In other words, it’s kind of that feeling of “what the hell happened?” In any case, what matters in this story is that I’m learning to realize how certain situations affect my emotions, and consequently, my well-being; but most importantly, it is imperative that I take the necessary steps to get over the hurdles and continue living my life to the best of my abilities.

So, at this moment, my life is all about putting the focus back on myself and regaining the motivation that has helped me achieve my goals in the past. Obviously, the first step is therefore to set goals. Inspired by Victor’s “summer resolutions,” I’ve decided to set some “end of summer goals” for myself:

1. My first goal is to get back on track with my weight loss. I had a lovely time in Italy and although I regret nothing, the truth is that I did gain 5 pounds (and granted, 5 pounds for almost 3 months in Italy is not all that bad). So, by the end of September I hope to have lost 10 pounds (the 5 I gained in Italy plus an additional 5). 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds is pretty reasonable. In fact, if I actually end up losing more than 10, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.

2. Complete a 6-week running program I found on the Women’s Health magazine’s website. I just love how running makes me feel. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel completely aware of my body. And though it may seem odd to some of you, it’s a sensation that I adore. So, I want to improve my endurance and stamina (which seem to have suffered a bit as a result of my vacation.)

3. Study at least 2 hours for the GRE each day. Some of you already know that I’m trying to go back to Italy for my Masters (of Economics.) And in order to be considered for a full scholarship (which I need), I have to improve my GRE scores.

4. Read at least 1 book every week. This isn’t only for the pleasure of reading itself, but I’m hoping it will help me for the GRE as well (consolidation of vocabulary.) I will also attempt to write reviews on the books I read, to help me for the analytical writing portion of the exam.

Some (hard) truths about life

1. Not everyone is going to like you. PERIOD.

2. Girls – when a man wants to be with a woman, he will do whatever it takes to make it happen. If he isn’t putting much effort, it’s because he doesn’t care. It’s hard to accept - I know - but the sooner you accept it, the better.

3. Regardless of what they say, all of our actions are the direct result of our choices. So, take responsibility. Also understand that it works both ways. People’s actions are also their choices. So when someone says, “Oh, I was too busy to message you back” it really means, “I didn’t think it wasn’t so important to message you back.”

4. Life isn’t fair, and the world doesn't owe you anything.

5. When relationships change, it’s because one of the two parties involved wanted it to change. If you did everything you could to keep the status quo, and things still changed, don’t blame yourself. When someone wants things to change, there really isn’t anything you can do about it. Just accept it.

6. No one cares about your problems as much as you do.

7. Things WILL work out in the end, but only if you put in the work. If you change nothing about your life or circumstances, how do you expect your life to change? You have to put in the work. There is no fairy godmother or Prince Charming who will come to save you.

8. Appearances are important. I always say that a person’s true worth has nothing to do with their physical appearance. However, our appearance is crucial when it comes to first impressions and first impressions ALWAYS count.

9. Unfortunately, some people will take you for granted, which is why I try to implement a rule of reciprocity when it comes to all of my relationships. (That doesn’t mean that people have stopped taking me for granted. Unfortunately, some still do.)

10. Sometimes, less is more.  

50 Random Things about me

1. When I was younger, I wanted to be... an astronaut.
2. My first pet was... a dog.
3. I once dated... an asshole.
4. Last night, I... heard one of the most random phrases ever, "maybe it's black cosmic lion." (Still trying to figure that one out!) 
5. For my next birthday, I would like to... visit yet another country, hopefully with someone I love.
6. I would hate it if... I had to live in Honduras for the rest of my life. 
7. It makes me sick when... people treat others unfairly.
8. I can't help but laugh out loud when... someone falls or trips. I know it's horrible, but I can't help it!
9. I love the book ... Eat, Pray, Love - I know it isn't exactly the best piece of literature, but I can relate so much to it. 
10. My best friend told me... that he has no doubts that I will succeed in whatever I choose to do. (I wish I had as much faith in myself as he does.)
11. The furthest I've ever travelled to... is Japan.
12. I think President Obama... will only be remembered for being the first African American President, and not for his actual work as President. 
13. My car... is a 2005 Toyota Rav4
14. I've always wanted to have a pet... dolphin
15. My favorite Dippin' Dots flavor is... chocolate mint.
16. I have a scar from... when I burnt myself making flan about 12 years ago.
17. My birthmark is... a brown spot on my right knee.
18. My name means... nothing in particular. It is thought to be Italian in origin (how appropriate) and often taken as a nickname or diminutive of the name Lucrezia, which comes from the Latin lucror and means “profit,” “wealth,” or “success." 
19. My father worked at... his own company (and still does.)
20. My heroes are... I don't really have any heroes. Just people I admire, such as Queen Rania of Jordan. 
21. I cannot go a day without watching... the news. Gotta keep informed! 
22. I crave... chocolate (all the time.)
23. When I go to Taco Bell, I always order... nothing. Because I don't like Taco Bell.
24. I hate when people... take too long to respond to messages. 
25. My favorite Christmas present ever is... a PS2, so far (at the time I really wanted to play Final Fantasy X!) 
26. I once fell ... on a bridge in Venice, but was able to gain my composure quickly. Lol.
27. I want to get married... to someone who will be completely devoted to me and vice versa. 
28. People say I look like... Kelly Clarkson
29. My celebrity crush is... Matt Bomer.
30. I cannot bend... something, I'm sure. But, I'm actually quite flexible. 
31. My toothbrush... does its job. 
32. I want to work for... the United Nations, or some international organization like that that seeks to bring people together, as well as foster cultural awareness. 
33. I'd like to drink... wine everyday. It's good for the heart!
34. My favorite thing about summer is... that people seem to be more relaxed than usual. 
35. I think that Paris Hilton is... an idiot.
36. The room I'm in... is all MINE!
37. In high school, I... was Valedictorian. 
38. My mom tells me that when I was born I... I ended a long-standing fight between my dad and my grandmother and that I was a peace treaty, of sorts. 
39. My future spouse has to... love traveling as much as I do, be as open-minded as I am, and be patient enough to deal with me. lol 
40. I've lost... many things. But I try not to dwell on them. Gotta keep moving forward. 
41. The last time I went to see a movie... was in Italy and it was "Dark Shadows."
42. I only like to dance when... I like the music. 
43. The last picture with me in it... was taken about a week ago by my friend Vanessa.
44. I put on my shoes... with pleasure. I love shoes!
45. The perfume I prefer is... Alien, by Thierry Mugler (at least now)
46. I've never ridden... a horse
47. The last thing I read on a cereal box was ... Peanut Butter Cheerios!
48. The only kind of milk I like is... cow's milk. I'll drink soy/almond/coconut/ and all those other alternative, but I definitely prefer cow's milk. 
49. Bad drivers make me... anxious.
50. I am only nice to... people at the beginning. I continue being nice if they treat me with respect. However, if they don't, I quickly eliminate them from my life. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't respect you. 

A Romantic, a Questioner, and a Thinker...

To help in my never-ending quest for perfection (or at least self-improvement) I recently started reading the book "How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World: The Art of Living with Style, Class, and Grace," by Jordan Christy, and in one of the chapters she emphasizes the importance of self-awareness.

To help with this, the author suggested that we take the "9 types personality test" or the Enneagram (from the Greek words ennea [nine] and grammos [something written or drawn]). According to Wikipedia, the typology defines nine personality types (sometimes referred to as "enneatypes"), which are represented by the points of a geometric figure called an enneagram, which also indicates some of the connections between the types.

It turns out that (because nothing with me is ever simple) my personality is a combination of Types 4 and 6, The Romantic and The Questioner, respectively. Coming in at a very close second was Type 5: The Thinker. 

Description for the Romantic (4): Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me:

• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. (Unfortunately yes, even if it seems needy, I need to hear that people care about me.)
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! (I have been called dramatic many times in the past!)

What I Like About Being a Four:

• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four:

• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair (Again, unfortunately very true.)
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved (Which is why I need constant love!) 
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
• expecting too much from myself and life (I'm my biggest critic)
• fearing being abandoned (Geez, this makes me seem SUPER needy.)
• obsessing over resentments
• longing for what I don't have

* * * * * * * * * *

Description for the Questioner (6): Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me:

• Be direct and clear. (Nothing that I hate more than ambiguous situations and hypocritical people. I can sense insincerity, trust me!) 
• Listen to me carefully. (I'm a good listener - the least you can do is listen to my issues, too!)
• Don't judge me for my anxiety.
• Work things through with me.
• Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
• Laugh and make jokes with me.
• Gently push me toward new experiences. (I often do need a little push to do things.) 
• Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six:

• being committed and faithful to family and friends (Treat me right, and I'll be loyal to you for life!) 
• being responsible and hardworking
• being compassionate toward others
• having intellect and wit (Naturally, hehe.) 
• being a nonconformist
• confronting danger bravely
• being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six:

• the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind (Yes, I do tend to be a bit indecisive.) 
• procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
• fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
• exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
• wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
• being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

* * * * * * * * * *

And just because I also recognize a lot of myself in Type 5...

Description for the Thinker (5): Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me:

• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts. (Specially this!)
• Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
• Don't come on like a bulldozer.
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five:

• standing back and viewing life objectively
• coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
• my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
• not being caught up in material possessions and status
• being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five:

• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
• feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
• being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
• watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

So, I definitely suggest that if you have a couple of minutes to spare (10 at most), you go ahead and take the test for yourselves. (You can find it here: 9 types test)

I have to admit that I'm actually surprised at how accurate some of these are. These last few days (weeks and months even) I've been giving myself a hard time for certain of these personality traits that I'm not particularly fond of. I used to describe myself as being this strong, determined, and power-hungry girl, but lately I've been finding that I'm a lot more sensitive than I ever thought I was. Reading all of this helps me make sense of it, and helps me see that maybe I've just been hiding my true self under the pretense of wanting to be perfect, strong, and calm at all times. But maybe it's better to embrace my sensibility. Maybe it's better to accept that I am the kind of girl who cries and needs attention every once in a while. I guess that it's a bit hard for us ambitious women to reveal certain of our vulnerabilities. But who knows? Maybe I can derive some strength from it all... And with that, I sign off.

"A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship." 

- Rainer Maria Rilke