Love according to Dr. Phil...

The night started out innocently enough. My mission: to let go and just have some fun. I was to take in the sights, the sounds; enjoy the food and drinks. At no point was I supposed to get lost in my thoughts. However, some time between the second and third glass of wine, I started thinking about relationships and that perennial enigma, which we call love. Some of the questions that made their way into my stream of thoughts where: How much of a relationship is based on passion? How much of a person can you aspire to know? Why is it that so many smart and independent women feel that they need to have a man in their lives to validate their existence? And is there such a thing as an “ideal relationship”?

I certainly don’t claim to be an expert on relationships. In fact, the reality is far from it. However, I’d say that I’ve dealt with my fair share of bizarre (to say the least) romantic experiences; the details of which I will not bore you with at this particularly moment. However, the truth remains that, I’ve never met a man who has inspired me to feel enough confidence in him to allow myself to be completely enraptured by love. And trust me, I’ve met all types of guys: 1) the insecure, confused type; 2) the chauvinistic type; 3) the misunderstood artist; 4) the guy who at first glance seems to be that mysterious, European stranger who’s everything you want and has come to sweep you off your feet, but ends up being no better than the average accumulation of testosterone we like to call men; 5) the kind you’d be willing to wait for your entire life; 6) the guy you think you can “help,” blah, blah, blah… yada, yada, yada… I think that by now you get it.

Point being, despite all of these failed experiences, I’m still willing to look for something… The question is, why? And why does everyone seem to have this obsession with love? Have we been conditioned to think that love is the cure to all of our problems? I mean, how many movies have you seen that start with a lonely, single gal who has more issues than she can handle, but who seems to get her life in order as soon as she meets “the one”? And don’t get me wrong… Those who know me well can attest to the fact that deep down I’m just another sucker for all of this mushy stuff! “You had me at hello,” had ME crying for days! But the point still is, how much of what we’ve come to identify as “love” is merely a creation of what we’ve seen in Hollywood movies, read in Hallmark cards, and heard in Enrique Iglesias songs???

Most of my female (and even my male) friends always seem to have some sort of advice to offer when it comes to building a successful relationship. But who says that what works for them will work for everyone else? If a relationship were as easy as a mathematical or chemical formula, wouldn’t we all have mastered them by now? Hell, I’m willing to bet that if that were the case there’d even be a doctorate degree in relationships at Harvard.

The more I think about it, the more I know that I’ll probably never come up with an answer to some of the questions that I’ve posed in this spiel so far. But, there is ONE thing I’m certain of. I’m aware of the necessity of at least one element to any successful relationship (whether romantic or otherwise), and that is: to know oneself, at least what it is that you desire, and what it is that you don’t want. As obvious as this may seem, it’s sad and frustrating to know that most people are either too lazy, or simply too dense, to devote enough of their time to introspection. Think about it. How much of the heartbreak in your life, whether you’ve been on the causing or receiving end of it, could’ve been avoided if people would’ve finally learned to be honest with themselves first?

But hey, who am I to give advice, right? Most people nowadays prefer to follow the advice of Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer, and Oprah, anyways... ;-)

There's no place like home

The last time I was in Honduras was about a year and a half ago, for Christmas of ’08. Yet, despite my prolonged absence, it feels like I’ve never been gone – everything is exactly the same as I left it. Sometimes, I feel that there is no such thing as “the passage of time” here… But more on that a little bit later. I don’t want this to turn into a contemplative/philosophical entry…

My last few days in Miami were somewhat frustrating. I’m used to having my freedom and the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. However, not having a valid driver’s license made things REALLY difficult for me. I was left at the mercy of my family and friends, and depended on them to rescue me from my house arrest. The first days without a license were like death. I felt like a princess looked up in a tower, or worse, a dungeon – just waiting on prince charming to come rescue me. And as those of you who know me well could confirm, I’m not really the kind of girl who can just sit around and do nothing, at least not for prolonged periods of time…

The last couple of days there were not so bad, though. A few of my friends finally felt sorry for me, and decided to make the LOOOOONG trip to come pick me up. Either way, saying goodbye to them was bittersweet. These last months were jam-packed with drama and lots of conflicting emotions. And so, it was hard to say farewell to those who’ve stood by me through it all. I’m still not sure where I’ll be the next couple of months, and as someone who is used to packing up and moving away, I’ve learned that friends come and go, and that you can always make new ones. However, I really do hope that those that I’m close to now will be in my support system for some time to come.

Now, to relate to you a little bit about my journey… My flight got delayed for 2 hours!!! It was scheduled to leave at 7:30pm and didn’t end up leaving until 9:30. I got home at around 11pm, Honduran time (1am Miami time.) It was quite tiring. On the plane, I was seated next to a young Christian couple from California who were coming to Honduras to do some charity/mission work. They were really quite nice and were very interested in my life story. We spent most of the flight talking and they ended up telling me that my parents should be quite proud of me and everything I’ve accomplished at such a young age. I went ahead and gave them my contact information if they needed any help during their stay in Honduras and they went ahead and did the same, as well as offered to show me around Los Angeles if I ever want to visit.

My bags were one of the first to come out (and since they’re pink – they’re VERY easily recognized) and so I was able to clear the baggage claim quite rapidly. All of my family was waiting for me at the airport. It was so good to see everyone together again. However, since my flight got in so late, we weren’t able to go have some Italian food as we’d originally planned. Besides, everyone was pretty tired so we decided to just come back home. I tried to sleep relatively early, but (surprise, surprise) was unable to, so I just decided to finish unpacking.

I spent most of today sleeping and resting up, but my mother did prepare a delicious meal for lunch and we were able to eat as a complete family for the first time in almost 1.5 years! I went to visit some family members in the late afternoon and spent most of the evening chatting up with my brothers (Michael and Erick) and my cousin (more like adopted brother, Jorge.) We also smoked some hookah as we listened to Buddha Bar, which reminded me of how much I want to explore my Middle Eastern roots (but again, more on that later.) Right now, I’m listening to Andrea Bocelli and am feeling VERY relaxed. I guess it’s true what they say: there’s no place like home…

The beginning

“Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts as we begin our descent towards JFK International Airport. The current time in New York is 6:47pm and the temperature is a very pleasant 60 degrees. We hope you’ve enjoyed flying aboard American Airlines and may your stay in the Big Apple be a pleasant one.”

She couldn’t believe they were touching ground in New York already. It seemed to her that the flight had taken off from Charles de Gaulle a mere two hours ago. Either way, she couldn’t complain. She was happy to be back home. She couldn’t remember the last time that the view of the New York skyline had made her this ecstatic. Yet, as happy as she was to be back home, she couldn’t help but feel anxious.

The truth is Luca had broken her heart in more ways than one. She was trying to forget their last meeting. Fighting to bury it deep within her memories, hoping that it would never resurface to perturb her hard-earned stability. She had always been told, much to her dissatisfaction and disbelief, that she was very stubborn. The last encounter with Luca helped her see that maybe everyone had been right all along. Maybe she really was hardheaded and inflexible.

Things between them had been going downhill for a couple of months, but Luca was much too passive to do anything about it. He always prided himself in being a bon vivant, and as such, could not be bothered with the trivialities of their relationship, or so he would often say, insisting that as long as they were okay, it was all good. However, Nicole was never one to settle for just “ok.” She’d always believed that it when it came to matters of the heart, things needed to feel right. And as much she loved Luca, things didn’t feel as right as they used to. When she finally confronted him about it, it was precisely his indifference and his cold demeanor that upset her the most. She left his apartment without giving him much of a chance to say anything.

It was that same night that her father informed her of the position that had become available at the American embassy in Paris. Unlike her mother, he had always supported her career choices, and knew of her desire to make a name for herself in the diplomatic field. Given his business connections, all he needed to do was to call the Ambassador up and the job was hers. Without thinking it over, she urged her dad to set it up, and the very next day, she was on a plane headed to Paris.

Despite the circumstances, her time in Paris was very satisfying. She was able to brush up on her French, learn a thing or two about the inner workings of an embassy, and enjoy the magnificent “City of Lights.” She would spend her afternoons lost in thoughts at cozy Parisian cafés, enjoying croissants and café au laits. She would stroll down the Champs-Elysees, perusing the quaint little shops. None of it mattered, though. Luca was never far from her thoughts.

* * * * *

“Excuse me. Miss?”

She was buried in her book. She came to this coffee shop every day, at the same time, and ordered the exact same thing: a skinny cinnamon dolce latte. Everyone knew that this table was her spot and her time to get lost in her own little world. Who could possible dare to interrupt her tradition? She looked up at the vile creature that had done such a thing, half expecting to see Freddy Krueger or the Crypt-Keeper. To her surprise, she found a very handsome young man with piercing green eyes.

“Do you mind? I’m kind of in the middle of something…” The words just slipped right out of her mouth. “Oops,” she thought, “Now he’ll think I’m a total bitch. Oh well, suits him right for interrupting me.”

He cut off her inner monologue to say, “Yes, I’m aware of that, but trust me I would not have interrupted you if this were not a life or death situation. You see, I’m running a bit late for a final that I studied arduously for, and in the hustle and bustle, I forgot my wallet. But, I am in desperate need of a double-shot espresso. Could you spare me a couple of bucks? Pleaseeeeee.”

She looked back at him suspiciously, wanting to say, “Great. So not only are you rude, but you’re also a bum. Cute.” However, she replied with, “Yea, don’t worry about it. Just tell the guy up front to put it on my tab. Good luck on your final.”

He said, “Thank you! How can I repay you?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure if I’m ever in your same situation, I’ll find a good Samaritan who’ll help me out. Just get your coffee and go. Aren’t you late already?”

“Right. Well, I’ll come back. Thanks, again!”

She just smiled up at him. “I’m such an idiot! He’ll think I’m a total nerd! I should’ve told him that he could pay me back by taking me out to dinner. Those eyes. That hair. Ugh, I didn’t even ask for his name. Smooth, Nicky. Real, smooth.” She shrugged off her thoughts and picked up her book, “no point in worrying about it now. What are the chances that I'll see him again?”

* * * * *

As expected, her dad had sent their driver to pick her up. In the car, she found a lovely bouquet of pink orchids and purple and white lilies, her favorites. She also found a couple of blueberry scones and a latte from Dean and Deluca, alongside a note that read:

“Sorry we couldn’t be there to greet you, Nicky. Mom’s at the weekly co-op meeting, and I’m working on a very difficult case here at the office. Have Sebastian take you home, shower, rest up, and we’ll have dinner together later on.

Love,

Dad.

PS. Welcome home, kiddo! We missed you!”

Official Press Release

The Princess of Honduras believes that “resignation” is a very strong word and one that she does not recall employing at the time of informing His Majesty of her decision to go back to the Kingdom of Honduras. “Resignation is synonymous to “quitting” in the Princess’ mind and a woman who single-handedly won over the respect, esteem, and admiration of His Majesty can hardly be considered a quitter. However, the Princess recognizes that much was said at their official meeting and given the fact that she and His Majesty spoke in multiple languages, she admits the possibility that things might have been lost in translation. Nonetheless, she found it imperative to clarify this matter.

That being said, the Princess is aware of the fact that Top Political Advisor to the King is an extremely important position and one that would require her continued presence in the Empire of Titania. She would like to reassure His Majesty, and the people of the Empire, that she never took her position lightly and indeed recognizes the great honor that was granted to her at the time of her appointment; for in a bold and unprecedented move, His Majesty gave her courtesies that no foreigner in the past had ever received. Furthermore, the Princess would like His Majesty to know that her vast knowledge in diplomatic and economic affairs is always at his service, but that more importantly, she is always willing to lend a helping hand in both official and unofficial matters, for she believes that the nature of their relationship evolved in such a way that, all formalities aside, she can now call him a “true friend.”

Though the Kingdom of Honduras is currently going through a very tumultuous time, the Princess would like to extend an official invitation to His Majesty to visit her while she is away. She hopes that someday she can repay all the kindness and generosity that have been given to her while in Titania. The Princess does indeed expect to be traveling back to her home sometime within the next two weeks, but she also expects to resolve the pressing difficulties of the Kingdom of Honduras in a swift manner, and so she is making preparations to return within the next two months. She sincerely hopes that relations between Honduras and Titania will not be strained during this period, and again, she reassures His Majesty that he can always count on her support, as well that of the Kingdom of Honduras.

The Princess has always taken pride in being open and honest in her proceedings, and given the fact that tomorrow is a national holiday in the Kingdom of Honduras (it is the commemoration of the Princess’ day of birth), she has decided to schedule a press conference for next week. She would like to use this medium to invite all members of the press to attend said conference as she will be answering questions regarding her departure and any other issues that need to be solved.

Official Public Liaison to Her Majesty, Princess of Honduras
Katrina Cunningham

RULES!

I'm not totally dissatisfied with my life. I feel that compared to most people my age, I'm actually doing relatively well. I've graduated from college with two university diplomas, and though I'm not exactly working in a field that's of my expertise, I've gained A LOT of experience. Especially in the art of keeping things in for the the sake of diplomacy! And man, has my patience been tested these last few months... But anyways, that's something I'll discuss in another post. I'm also:

- Not an alcoholic - CHECK

- Not a crack-whore - CHECK

- Not a whore, period - CHECK CHECK

- Not pregnant - CHECK CHECK WAYYYYY CHECK =)

In many ways, a success! Cheers to that! KANPAI!

However, the entire point of this entry was not to go on about my accomplishments, but rather to point out the things I need to work on in order to become even more satisfied with my life. The way I see it, there's always room for improvement. Although I claim that I'm a perfectionist through and through, I know that I will never be 100% perfect. In fact, most of my close friends have already called me "perfectly imperfect." Although I really appreciate their efforts, I will always be very hard on myself, especially because I know what I am capable of. I need to at least continue striving to be perfect. If I ever lose that spark that keeps me going, then honestly, I don't know what'll happen to me... So, after thinking it through, I've come up with a list of 10 rules that I will try to abide by from now.

I don't think anyone actually reads this, but in a weird way, I feel that by posting it online and making it public, I'll feel more accountable to them! So here goes...

1.) Set aside 30 minutes for personal reflection everyday. I need to be able to be alone with my thoughts and try to figure out what I want and need to do with my life. During this time, I need turn my cell phone off, rid myself of ALL distractions, and just focus on ME!

2.) Limit my time online to 2 hours per night, including Facebook, MSN, Skype, etc.

3.) Read, read, read. Try to read at least 2 books per month. Keep up with the news, as well. I’ve been good at reading The Economist, as it is delivered to my door, but I need to read more. I simply cannot let my brain cells atrophy. I’m so proud of my intellect! I've grown through my education, and I need to be persistent in the pursuit of knowledge to feel satisfied!

4.) Go to the gym, or engage in some form of physical activity for one hour, at least four times a week. Rain or shine! No excuses… Even if it means I need to cancel plans with people, or postpone them. Those who really want to see me and care about me will understand.

5.) Clean up my room as often as possible. Don’t just let thing accumulate on the floor! When my living environment is disorganized, I get lazy and in a bad mood! Therefore, clean, clean, clean!

6.) Don’t neglect anyone and make time for everyone! The more satisfied I feel with my personal relationships, the better I will feel as a whole. Granted, some friendships are deeper than others and may require more attention, but do not fall into the same old trap of depending too much on only a few people. Always leave room to meet others, and develop deeper friendships with everyone who is willing and interested in getting to know me.

7.) Smile, smile, smile. Even if I am feeling down, smile. Not only do I look prettier while smiling, but a smiling face is approachable! The more positive energy I give out, the more positive energy I will receive.

8.) Never assume anything about anyone. Especially not about myself. Assumptions lead to expectations, and expecting too much from someone can lead to disappointment. Disappointment leads to negativity and negativity goes against Rule #7.

9.) Limit my spending to $250 every 2 weeks. This way, I will be able to save more than $1,000 per month! I need to find other ways of having fun that are not just going out to fancy restaurants, and having fancy drinks. I need to stay at home more often, watch movies, play PS3... go back to basics!

10.) Stop thinking so much about everything. The more time I spend thinking, the less time I spend living. Learn to just go with the flow and adopt a “Zen” approach to life. Enjoy the little things…

And there you have it. I'll be checking back periodically to update. But for now, I must get my beauty sleep! Ah yes! That should have been yet another rule! Try to sleep more than 6 hours per night!

And this Krizia signing off...

And we cross paths once again...

I had completely forgotten all about this little creation of mine. My initial plan was to write entertaining blogs from my travels all over the world. And now, a year later, my plans of traveling are pretty much in the same state that they were a year ago... just plans. Sure, I have taken small trips within the United States, whether for work or pleasure, but my dreams of being a globetrotter are still in the works. 

I've been going through some sort of rough patch right now. I wouldn't exactly say it's one of those life-altering moments, but it's certainly a time when I need to just learn who I am. Yes, surprise, surprise! 23-years-old, and still no clue as to what it REALLY means to be me. One of my closest and dearest friends suggested that I write things out in order to try to work some sense into it all (the choice of making these thoughts public, though, was entirely my decision.) So I remembered my handy dandy journal (technically, it's a blog, I KNOW, but for the sake of argument, let's call it a journal!) 

Some of my thoughts:

1. Life is like a chemical formula. 2 H + O --> H2O (I guess I still remember my Pre-Med days.) In order for things to work, you must figure out exactly what and how many elements you need, as well as how many atoms of each would lead to the balancing of the formula. In other words, as human beings we evolve... we change... we come to be more comfortable in our skin... we meet new people... we lose contact with those that were once key players in our life... but in the end, we (by ourselves) must figure out what we truly want (and most importantly need) in our lives. People, dreams, and things come and go everyday... So we mustn't hold on so tightly to what surrounds us. However, if these people, dreams, and things want to hold on to you, then by all means let them. =)

2. Labels aren't important. And I'm not talking about clothing labels! (Although, despite being a D&G girl myself, would say that they really aren't, either.) It's completely normal for us to try to classify the unknown into one of the categories that we've already embedded into our brains. For instance, you meet a new person, and you instantly try to identify what "type" of individual they are. In the last year, I've come to know (and stop knowing, for that matter) people who I couldn't "figure out" for the life of me. Shy/outgoing, gay/straight, boyfriends/girlfriends, interested/not interested, smart/dumb, weird/normal... and the list goes on... You might argue that knowing what type of person someone is might help you to deal with them, to interact with them. But to be honest, at the end of the day... it doesn't matter. The only thing that TRULY matters is that there must be mutual respect, admiration, and amicability. The rest will just have a way of working itself out. 

3. You think YOU are UNIQUE. Well, so do I. DEAL WITH IT. Most of us think we're the most fabulous thing to walk the face of this Earth at some point of our lives. Face the fact that there are over 6 billions humans living along with us, and that just as we're better than some at some things, some are better than us, too. One of the hardest lessons that I've learned (and I'm still trying to FULLY assimilate this one) is that by comparing yourself to others, you just hurt yourself. You are unique, but so is the person next to you. Therefore, there's no point in comparing yourself to that person.

4. People ARE shallow. Again, DEAL WITH IT. The fashion and entertainment industries are based on looks. Agreed? Yes! And these industries are worth billions and billions of dollars. Conclusion, looks are important. There's not much to say here, except... don't put yourself down for the way you look (and this is related to #3.) Although looks are quite important, the way you carry yourself and how you project yourself through life is very important. Wear a smile, and don't over think things. Always try to be your best, but don't be so hard on yourself... If you don't like something about yourself, well, by all means try to change it. Just don't lose yourself in the process. Whatever rocks your boat...

5. There is no sense or logic in love. Even though someone might think of you as the perfect human being, it will not mean that the person will love you, at least not the way you want them to. Yes, hard lesson learned TIME and TIME again. This is like the story of my life! Does it hurt? Hell, yes! Are you ever immune to it? Oh, no. You think you've learned your lesson, but before you know it, you're doing the same thing again. Do you learn how to move on? Yea, it takes time, and quite a few tears, but at least you should try to tell yourself that you're trying...  

6. (Borrowed from somewhere) Never try to live without something (or someone) that you can't spend an entire day without thinking about. Next time you find yourself thinking constantly about someone, see this as big sign (with neon flashlights and everything.) It might not mean anything, just affection; or it might mean everything. Just don't deprive yourself of the people you love. Life is too short to play games. Yes, games are fun from time to time, but not when it really matters.

(...to be continued... I'm sleepy...)

Bienvenue

So I finally gave in to the contagious and highly addictive world of blogging. But, "why now", you ask? In all honesty, I'm not quite sure myself. Maybe I'm meant to be a great and prolific writer, and as they say, "you gotta start somewhere." Most likely, it's because of the ridiculous amount of free time I have when school is not in session. Point being, I'm here, and staring incredulously at a computer screen, in hopes of writing witty and entertaining blogs.

Now that you know "the reasoning" behind this wonderful creation, let's go further behind the scenes or the silicon microchips, I should say, and explain its title, "Confessions of an aspiring globetrotter." Lately, I've been watching back-to-back episodes of, what is likely to become my favorite show ever, "Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations." For those of you who have not watched it yet, please do so. It's on at 10pm ET on the Travel Channel, hehe. Bourdain is a famous chef who travels all over the world in pursuit of exotic locations and even more exotic foods. Sure, sounds quite normal for a travel channel, but Bourdain brings that 'something else' that makes for great TV. So successful and charming is he, that he's motivated me to learn a thing or two about film making, particularly in the traveling documentaries department. Furthermore, traveling has always been a passion of mine and seeing as how my current (and deplorable) yearly income of $0 does not seem to work in conjunction with my dreams of being a jet setter, I decided on at least writing about the places that I'd like to visit.

Quite possibly, I will make some remarks about my personal life as I pursue this globetrotting venture. As for now, all I can really say on the matter is that I will graduate from college within the next year and will try to go on to graduate school in either Japan or Switzerland. Oh, and I shall probably warn you... expect to hear lots about Japan (and then some), as it's the only one of my "globetrotting" destinations that I have actually been to.

All in all, should be an interesting journey. Just one request...bear with me. I am after all, a newbie to this wonderful cyber world called blogging. Ja ne!