Alright

And it was on that scorching hot afternoon that I finally decided to accept the harsh reality: an era that I had come to treasure so much was finally over. And as I sat there, folding laundry and listening to lounge music in the background, I couldn’t help but feel the influx of memories rush over me. Memories of what once was, but no longer is.

I promised myself that I would be graceful about it, and that if I wanted to blame someone, or rather something, that I would only blame the hands of time. And don't get me wrong, a part of me still wanted to hold on, to fight the undeniable truth. But I realized that I was about to embark on a grand new adventure, and I couldn’t let my past hold me back from what might be hidden just around the corner.

No one can ever fully understand, and no amount of words is ever enough to explain why certain things workout and why others don’t. Still, I felt like I had so many things to say, so many questions that left unanswered. Was it really all in my head all along? The hope, the enthusiasm, the temporary filling of the emptiness inside… all gone.

But it had to be done. I kept telling myself over and over again that the pain would only last for a little bit more. That everything would be alright. And though I honestly don’t know if I believe that’s true, I wrote it down, memorized it, and kept repeating it to myself… My own personal mantra. 

It would be alright. It would be alright. It would be… alright. 

15 things I don't understand about myself

1. I hate how long it takes me to straighten my hair. Why do I still do it? Who cares? Who am I trying to impress?

2. Why am I such a packrat? I was going through my desk the other day and I found ticket stubs and receipts from when I went to New York City in 2011. I know that it’s a memory of the first time I went up to the Empire State Building, but will I really need it in the future? No, of course not! Having less stuff would make the entire packing process much easier. And I’ve actually moved around quite a bit in my life already. I know, or should at least know by now, what is truly important and what isn’t. But no, I keep on holding on to the most random things ever! Why?

3. Why don’t I cook more often? I actually enjoy cooking. I like experimenting with different flavors and coming up with concoctions that end up being heavenly taste explosions. Not only that, but I also like making others happy by cooking for them. Yet, I don’t do it often enough… 

4. Why do I buy so many books? I love to read and if I could, I’d probably try reading every single book out there. However, that doesn’t mean that I should feel the need to fork over so much money on books. It’s like I just can’t contain myself whenever I walk into a bookstore. I honestly feel that I become a kid at a toy store on the day before Christmas.

5. I don’t know why I post so much stuff on Facebook, or even why I spend so much time on it. I know that the stuff I post is inconsequential, and that no one actually checks out EVERYTHING I post. Not only that, but I’m not really interested in the lives of all my 540 friends. Yet, it still seems to have this strange effect on me. 

6. I proclaim to have good taste in music, but then in private, I listen to primarily pop. Sure, my musical taste is eclectic and some of the stuff I listen to could fall into the “good music” category, so why does my inclination towards pop music make me feel so guilty? 

7. I say I want a boyfriend but I never actually do anything to get one. Whenever a guy shows interest in me, I’m always quick to find some fault in him – he’s not classy, smart, fun, or attractive enough. And whenever I like someone, I’m either too big of a coward to let him know how I feel, or I take too long to do so.   

8. Why do I find it so hard to find things to talk about sometimes? I don’t consider myself an uninteresting person, at all. In fact, I spend a great deal of my day reading not only news from around the world, but an entire plethora of interesting tidbits to supplement my ever-growing supply of knowledge. Yet, when I’m in a social setting, I tend to just clam up and can’t seem to access that knowledge to making a meaningful contribution. And it’s not like I don’t want to talk… I do! What’s up with that?  

9. I don’t ever dress the way I envision myself dressing. I see all these cute outfits on fashion blogs, but I always end up buying the same type of clothes. Why don’t I have the courage to dress up how I’d want to dress?

10. I keep on telling myself (and others) that pride isn’t that important to me. However, I find that I often let pride get in my way of doing things that I truly want to do. For example, I’m a very emotional person and I like sharing my emotions with those who are close to me. Yet, I find it very hard to express these feelings directly. Why? Simply because of pride. “I can’t tell someone that I miss/love/care about them because they never say these things to me.” Who cares right? If we love someone, we should let them know. Period. Also, if I’ve made a mistake, my pride often keeps me from correcting myself. Why? It’s ridiculous and immature. Yet, it happens.

11. Why am I sometimes kinder to others than I am to myself? I will often find myself forgiving others for things that I can’t forgive myself for. If a friend tells me that she’s on a diet and that she indulged on a cookie, I’ll generally be like, “Don’t worry about it. Just get back on track tomorrow.” But if I were to do the same thing, I wouldn’t let myself hear the end of it. I’d spend the entire day thinking about how I will burn it off and accusing myself of being weak… Being hard on oneself is good, but I should truly learn to be kinder to myself…

12. Why do I keep playing the victim sometimes and try to get people to pity me? I don’t think anyone should pity me, and I don’t like inspiring this kind of emotion. I know I’m better off than the majority of the world’s population - I have everything I need to be happy – health, family, economic stability, etc. Yet, somehow, I still play the victim from time to time. Not only that, but I keep on allowing myself to give off this appearance of being needy. And for the life of me, I simply cannot understand why. Some people who act needy or like victims aren’t really aware of it. But I am aware. Fully aware. And yet, I keep on allowing this side of me to take over sometimes. Why?

13. I love ketchup, but I hate raw tomatoes, especially if they have the seeds on them. Weird. 

14. I think people are amazing and also the worst plague to ever hit planet Earth. Both. At the same time. Seriously, I find humans to be fascinating - the capacity for love, creativity, intellectual capabilities. Yet, there are always a few bad says who make me think that humans are the worst thing ever, thereby ruining it for everyone else. 

15. For the last two years, the thing that I’ve wanted the most is to leave Honduras. Yet now that I’ll finally be leaving in 2 weeks, I’m starting to get sad thinking about how much I’ll miss it. I start crying randomly throughout the day because I know that I’ll never be able to relive that same exact moment ever again. The sight of the mountains from my window as I sip on my morning coffee? Gone. The sound of birds chirping gleefully as the sun is coming up? Gone. The smells emanating from the kitchen as my mother is preparing lunch? Gone. Sure, I could justify it by saying, "there's nothing but the present moment" (ichi-go ichi-e), but must I cry about it? In fact, I'm tearing up as I’m writing this? I don’t understand. I give up! 

I swear, I've been evalauted psychologically before and there was "nothing wrong with me," so I can't even blame these things on bipolarity or something... I'm just...weird.

Inspired by ThoughtCatalog.com

Simple truths about the XX's

Valentine's Day is coming up and instead of making a big deal about how I'm single for yet another Valentine's Day (honestly, I have so much on my mind now that I don't even care anymore... lol), I decided to write a post that somehow related to it. Now this one is mostly for the guys out there! Why? Simply because I'm feeling magnanimous and because I'm tired of hearing my male friends (and even my brothers) complain about how they don't understand women. So, here are some simple truths about us that you should all know and that should help you understand us better. Ladies, you can pitch in by saying whether you agree with me or not. In any case, I also decided to spice it up a bit with a few additions from someecards.com!


1. That mischievous look you give us when you’ve done, said, or even thought about something naughty drives us wild. (Yea, even if we hit you playfully and call you a pervert. hehe.) Chances are, if it wasn’t too raunchy or nasty, we liked it too. What can I say? We like it when you tease us.

2. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Just because we act like a lady doesn’t mean that we can’t be seductive temptresses. Whoever said the two were mutually exclusive?

3. We probably won’t pressure you into working out (even if you’ve started developing a cute little beer belly.) However, there’s just something about a sweaty man that makes our blood start pumping. Just saying, it could be benefit us both!

4. We want you to feel comfortable enough to tell us everything – and we do mean everything (and anything) – from the mundane to the philosophical. As you already know, we’re highly communicative creatures and hardly get tired of talking. That said, we do appreciate smart and thought-provoking conversations from time to time. Whoever said that men should only talk about boobs, cars, and sports was a damn fool!

5. We love surprises… even when it’s something as simple as an unexpected phone call, a small chocolate heart, a whispered “I love you,” a stolen kiss, etc.

6. We like when you take initiative. And by this, I don’t mean that we expect you to do all the work, all the time. But sometimes, you simply have to just man up and go for it.

7. If you’ve lied to us, chances are we've figured it out. We have a sixth sense, remember? We might just be playing dumb so we can catch you red-handed next time.

8. You may not understand it, but we like to watch you do boring, day-to-day stuff, such as shaving, driving, cooking, fixing the lamp, etc. Just don’t ask us why and simply enjoy the free attention.

9. Rationally we understand that you had a life before us, but we expect for you to act like your life began when you met us. We want you to divide your history down the middle, with everything falling into one of 2 categories: 1) Before you’d met us and 2) After you’d met us. Simple, eh?

10. It’s okay for you to have your own interests, hobbies, and friends (and it’s even okay if sometimes you’d rather to spend your time pursuing said interests and hobbies, and hanging out with your friends), but still make sure to give us enough attention at the end of the day. We’ll usually give you warning signs when we’re starting to feel neglected, but after we’ve issued enough of these warning signs, you can’t blame us if we suddenly start to hold back and become less available to you.

In any case, whether you're single, in a relationship, straight, asexual, bisexual, try-sexual (lol), I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day! Remember that romantic love is perhaps the most coveted form of love out there, but that it's not the only one. If you have at least one person who truly cares for you, then you're already in better shape than you think you are...

Case closed!

So, on Tuesday February 4th, 2013 my family and I had an interview at the American Embassy in Honduras's capital and I am happy to announce that as a result of said appointment, all of the Bandy's now have an Immigrant Visa stamp in our passports... In other words, I'm finally an American resident bitches (at least, technically!) Some of you have been by my side throughout this entire process (well, not the entire process since we applied in 2001, but at least since 2010 when the process finally picked up) and I thank you for all the support you've provided me.

Now the question is, when will we be moving to Miami? Of course, packing up and moving to another country takes a lot of work, but by the looks of it, you can plan for my triumphant return sometime in April. Y'all need to watch out! Now I'll be able to do all the things that I couldn't do as an international student and I have to say that I am ecstatic.

I shall keep you all updated on this new phase, but for now it seems that this case has finally closed! :)

Underneath it all: On personality and character

The intricacies of the human mind fascinate me to the point that I often wonder why I never really considered psychology as a possible career path for myself.  Why I perceive and process things in a seemingly different manner than my peers has got to be one of the questions that pops up with alarming frequency in my mind. And so, to further aid me in this process of solving the endless riddle that is the human brain (or at least, my own) I have taken an endless amount of personality quizzes, even those ridiculous little ones on BlogThings.com. All of you already know this - I’m sure I have mentioned this at least once in the blog before and many more times in our conversations, so I won’t go on and on about the topic. That said, I would like to take the opportunity to discuss an issue that lies on the same spectrum: the difference between personality and character.

Perhaps the most comprehensive personality test that I have ever taken was the Myers-Brigg one, where I learned that my personality type was that of the INTJ, also referred to as the Mastermind. I remember posting something about this a few months ago, so I’ll just refresh your mind. INTJ stands for Introversion, Intuition, Thinking, and Judgment. According to the Wikipedia article on INTJs, our biggest problem is that we want others to make sense (which I can totally relate to.) Additionally, when it comes to our interpersonal relationships, what we crave the most is harmony and are hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those we care for. Anyways, my point was to illustrate what defines a personality. Personality traits are those that are readily apparent; those that we can distinguish in a person when we first meet them.

Character, on the other hand, takes a lot longer to assess - it's what is underneath the surface. The way that I like to think of character is that it’s essentially what we can find at a person’s core; a person’s true self; a person’s “essence.” Character gauges certain things such as: trustworthiness, responsibility, respect, kindness, etc.

So what’s the point of talking about this? Well, this post was partially inspired by a conversation I was having with a friend about whether or not human beings can change. I think that when everything is said and done, there are certain things that a person can change about him/herself, but it’s only with regards to the realm of the personality.

For example, I would currently define myself as a complete introvert. However, my positioning on the introvert-extrovert level has changed drastically in the last couple of years. Some of you might not believe this, but a few years ago I was actually the life of the party, not in the sense that I was the girl dancing on tables and acting like Kesha, but more in the sense that I was the person that everyone wanted to talk to. I was somewhat of a social butterfly and had absolutely no doubt in my mind that I could perform as successfully at a college party as I would at a Royal Ball full of monarchs and politicians. If it were up to me, I would always prefer going out with close friends to a wine tasting than a night of clubbing with hundreds of strangers. That said, it doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of enjoying the latter or that if I wanted, that I could make it my default method of entertainment. These kinds of things can and will change many times throughout the course of your life. Just because you behave in a particular way at this point in your life does not mean that you will be this way forever. In fact, I think that as a group we should encourage people to build their own personalities, and not follow what society dictates is favorable (ie, it is preferred to be extroverted than introverted.) This way, we’ll have more and more individuals who are satisfied with who they are and will be able to focus on putting their best self and efforts out there. For example, I’m probably borderline Hikikomori now (yes, I am exaggerating), and on certain (the worst) days , I have even come to define my self-worth on the availability of friends, which is absolutely ludicrous considering that I know very well what I am worth (and that I don’t need nobody to make me feel complete. Mmmmmm-hmmmmm.) Humor aside (having pacified the little black girl that lives inside of me), I recognize which personality traits of mine need some work on and am willing to change them so as to feel more satisfied with myself. Long story short, it is my belief that people can transform themselves into the person they want to be...

However, the trick is that for these changes to be permanent they have to be harmonious with one’s character. Your character, your “essence” is who you are when you’re at your best self: when you’re at peace, self-reliant, loving, creative, etc. I’ve heard many stories of people claiming that they don’t know who they really are, and though it may be true in some cases, I think that we are all capable of detecting those values that mean the most to us – those values that we are not willing to bend or break under any circumstance. Going back to my previous example, choosing to become less dependent doesn’t conflict in any way with my character. However, if I said I wanted to become one of those girls who pursues older men for their money (extreme example), that would completely go against some of the qualities that I value the most: honesty and respect (both self and towards others.) You might say, "But everyone values honesty and respect!" To which I would answer that you'd be surprised to find out how many people value other things more (not that I'm one to pass judgment.) In any case, I think (though I may be wrong) that it is precisely here where many people get lost. In their attempt to be what society wants them to be, they lose sight of their true self, leading to an inner conflict that is difficult to resolve.

To end this, I would just like to point out that it seems that in recent years more emphasis has been put on “preferred personality traits,” as opposed to “preferred character.” I strongly believe that it is this key difference that makes or breaks relationships (whether romantic, platonic, professional, etc.) A person’s physique may attract us, their personality may charm us, but at the end of the day, it’s a person’s character that determines whether we want them in our life for the short or the long-term. This is why getting to know someone (truly know them) takes time boys and girls. Really, don't judge a book by its cover (or just by its first pages), you never know what's lurking underneath the surface.

End of the World Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: Your current relationship. If single discuss how single life is.



My current relationship status is: single (aka, forever alone.) No surprise here. lol. So, how is single life? Well, it's not bad. For starters, I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever it is that my heart desires. I am not committed to anyone in particular, so when making decisions I don't have to consult anyone else. This is particularly beneficial when it comes to travel. I pretty much can just pick a destination and a date, and I'm off. Also, although it really isn't my style, I can pretty much have fun with anyone, anywhere, anytime. I'm not gonna lie, I can be quite successful at flirting when I want to, and being single, I don't have to worry about hurting anyone else's feelings, or crossing certain boundaries. It's quite liberating. hehe

However, I do recognize that there are benefits and advantages that being in a relationship would bestow upon me. For example, I wouldn't have to worry about showing up dateless to family and/or social engagements. But vastly more important, being in a relationship would certainly mitigate my feelings of loneliness. As all of you know, I'm the kind of person that craves deep emotional and intellectual ties to others. And though I do have a multitude of friends who help me in this respect, there is always something missing. I'm not one of those brainless hoes who just wants a boyfriend to get expensive presents, fill up an emotional void, and have someone to make-out with at the end of the day. I need someone who I can talk to about the mysteries of the universe, someone who will cheer me up when I'm feeling down, someone who will encourage my crazy ideas (like studying Esperanto or cooking boeuf bourguignon for the first time while I speak in a French accent.) Believe it or not, and this is something that I don't usually tell people, but one of the things that bothers me the most, is that I'm someone who has a lot of love to give, but simply can't find anyone to give that love to (or at least anyone who wants it.)

I don't think there's anything more beautiful and/or purer than two strangers who come to love each other, choose to spend their lives together, grow together, cry together, overcome obstacles together, build an entire life together. So yea... I'm content with my single life, but if love comes knocking on my door, I won't turn it away. Hehe. They say that good things come to those who wait...

30 Day Challenge: End of the World Edition

So, it's that time of the year again. Time for another 30 Day Challenge! I decided to call it the End of the World Edition, because quite simply, the end is near!!! As you all know, my people (aka, the Mayans) predicted that the world will end on December 21, 2012. Since that is exactly 1 month away, I decided it would be fun to reveal even more information about myself (cause I know you just can't get enough, right?) In any case, I invite all of you to do it as well. Should be interesting... Here's the challenge list:


Day 1 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 2 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 3 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 4 - Your views on religion.
Day 5 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 6 - Describe something you're passionate about.
Day 7 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 8 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 9 - Do you think people have the wrong impression of you? If yes, talk about it.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - If you could turn back time, is there anything you'd do differently?
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month