The truth is I am, have been, and will probably always, be my toughest critic. That said, I don't consider myself to be an insecure individual. I admit that at times I do have a self-deprecating sense of humor, but I sincerely believe that one must be able to recognize one's flaws, point them out, and openly talk (or joke) about them. I particularly use the self-deprecating jokes to break the ice with people. Unfortunately, I also realize that to some I may come off as being very insecure as a result of this. However, if they don't realize that I don't take myself all that seriously, then they probably don't know me very well, and as a result their opinion is inconsequential to me.
The truth is (as arrogant as this may sound) that I don't care what most people think about me, because 95% of the time, what they think is just a byproduct of the society in which they grew up in. There I said it: most people lack a personality of their own and are afraid to think for themselves, which results in them just regurgitating what they think they should think, say, do, etc. I'm not saying that I'm a social deviant - I understand that human beings are social animals, and as such, we must learn to successfully interact with each other. However, I don't think that this necessarily means that we must be an exact carbon copy of our peers, or an exact product of our social codes of behavior. I really am rambling about this, but the point that I'm trying to make is that I truly do take time for introspection. I like to know myself: my limits, my desires, my fears, etc.
Lately, I haven't been feeling as motivated with my weight loss journey as I used to feel at the beginning. I haven't been losing weight as quickly as I thought I would. In fact, when I started back in January, I thought that by now, I'd be done with it and would be on a maintenance program. However, I guess I really overestimated my metabolism - it truly is slower than I thought it was. My nutritionist even calls it "the treacherous metabolism," because despite the fact that I follow the diet exactly and put the hours in at the gym, I don't lose what I should be losing. But, as soon as I deviate a little bit (such as having a slice of cake for my mom's birthday) I gain like 3 pounds (seriously, WTF?) In any case, it's really frustrating and I don't think that most people can understand what I'm going through. I've always been an overachiever, so whenever I don't lose weight, it feels as if I'd studied all week for a test only to fail miserably at it. To me, this is simply unacceptable.
That said, I do take comfort in the fact that: a) I am healthy (probably healthier than I've been in a long time), and b) I have lost 20+ pounds since January (I'm already at my pre-college weight!) Still, I can't shake off the feeling that I should have gotten much better results by now. But then again, it's already been established that I am an overachiever.
Because I am very competitive, I decided to give myself a few challenges to help me get motivated. They are as follows:
1) Do at least 40 minutes on the elliptical at the gym, 5 times a week
2) Walk a mile every day of the week (yea, 7 times a week)
3) Do a kickboxing workout at least twice a week
4) Only have Coke Zero on the weekends (I normally have Coke Zero everyday to get an extra kick of caffeine)
Today went extremely well, I successfully completed every single one of the items on the previous list and managed to squeeze in an extra one. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I often watch "The Biggest Loser" to get motivated for a workout. I remembered watching an episode in which the contestants had to put the weight that they'd lost so far back on and walk for a few miles. So, I grabbed an old book bag, stuffed it with enough dumbbells to make 20 pounds and walked an extra mile on the treadmill with it on. To be honest, if I wouldn't have done this, I would have NEVER realized how much 20 pounds actually weighs. After walking only a quarter of a mile, I was starting to feel extra pressure on my joints and was getting back aches. I still can't believe that I used to walk around every day with that much extra weight on me. So, I pushed through the pain and finished the extra mile. I never thought that taking the 20 pounds off my back would feel so good. My mini exercise really helped me put things back in perspective and I truly felt proud of myself for having accomplished this milestone. I truly feel stronger, not only physically, but also mentally. Furthermore, it helped to remind myself that I truly am a force to be reckoned with and that no matter what, I just have to keep marching on.
2 comments:
I'm the same with self-deprecating jokes... it makes it easier for meeting new people... takes the edge off... plus, I feel like anything they have to say would sting less since I already mentioned it before... heh heh...
But, yeah... have to say I'm proud of you Krizia. It sucks that your metabolism is slow... but, you are doing so much and working so hard even if you say you've lost motivation. You keep giving yourselves challenges and are succeeding at them... and that's just amazing!
I read somewhere that if you drink like 17 oz of water once you wake up... it kick starts your metabolism in the morning... also, adding lemon to your water picks it up too! Try some of those techniques... see if they can help out some... I've tried the lemon water deal... though, just recently so not sure if it makes any real difference.
But, yeah... getting back to your determination... it's inspiring me to be more health conscious... especially after realizing I lost 20 lbs. over this past year without putting much effort other than just eating more salad and trying to watch the amount of junk food I eat and buying less of it so I'd be less tempted to eat it when I'm bored at home.
Now with summer coming up... I'm hoping to pick up actually working out... I will try to use you as a model and hopefully see some great results like you see in yourself.
Keep it up Krizia!
YAY! I'm so proud of you too, Vicky! I now know what 20 extra pounds feels like. As we age, most people actually gain a few pounds every year and the fact that you were able to lose a significant amount by only making a few lifestyle changes here and there is truly great.
I'm happy that my experience has motivated you, as well. That's truly the reason why I write these super personal "health" blogs, to help all of you guys realize that being healthy is a choice, and small choices do make a difference in our overall wellbeing.
My nutritionist says that the longer you've been overweight, the harder it is for the weight to come off. I put on about 20 pounds during college, so maybe that's why those were easier to lose. I weigh now what I used to weigh my senior year in high school, so it makes sense that it'll be harder to lose weight now.
Now that I'm drinking less diet Coke, I'll be giving the lemon water a try. As it is, every morning when I wake up, I drink about half a liter of water, and then about 3 liters of water in total. So, we'll see. We just gotta be patient, I guess. For as long as I can remember, my weight has always been my nemesis - but I'm not going to let it defeat me. :)
Keep me updated on your more health-conscious lifestyle as well! Miss ya! <3
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