Randomness

Today, I feel better than "just alright." I've come a LONG way in this process, and I've certainly been busy making myself strong, both physically and mentally. I've realized that though it may take a long time for us to reach our goals, victory will be a sweet, sweet nectar. Most importantly, I've realized that one day, the world won't know what hit it. The day when I finally come out to play is near... ;)

Before and after

By popular demand, I (re)post pictures of my progress: (25 pounds and counting...)

BEFORE


BEFORE - December 2010


AFTER - MAY 2011


AFTER - JUNE 2011


AFTER - AUGUST 2011
(coming soon)

The edge of glory.

Simply LOVE this song. I can't get enough of it. I play it every single time I workout - right when I'm about to finish, so I can remind myself that you don't give up when you're about to reach the finish line - you keep going and finish strong. The contestants on "The Biggest Loser" have Jillian Michaels screaming at them in their faces as they run on the treadmill. I don't. But who needs Jillian when you've got Gaga, hehe.



There ain't a reason you and me should be alone, tonight yea baby, tonight yea baby
I got a reason that you're who should take me home tonight...
I need a man that thinks it right when it's so wrong, tonight yea baby, tonight yea baby
Right on the limits where we know be both belong tonight.

It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous.
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you,
Where we can both fall far in love...

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth.
Out on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you.
I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge,
I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you.
I'm on the edge with you.

Another shot before we kiss the other side, tonight yea baby, tonight yea baby
I'm on the edge of something final we call life tonight, alright, alright
Put on your shades cause I'll be dancing in the flames tonight yea baby, tonight yea baby
It isn't hell if everybody knows my name tonight, alright, alright

It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous.
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you,
Where we can both fall far in love...

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth.
Out on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you.
I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge,
I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you.
I'm on the edge with you.

Take a bow...

In my mind, there had always been a clearly defined notion of the kind of man I wanted to fall in love with. Despite what experience has taught me, I still believe that these preconceived notions about love and attraction play a role when it comes to choosing our significant others. Some people affirm that we don’t really have a say when it comes to whom we fall in love with, but I politely disagree. In any case, ever since I first came into contact with the idea of love (and I sincerely don’t remember at what exact point this happened), I’ve been taking bits and pieces from my favorite male celebrities, characters in books or movies, and meshing them together to come up with my ideal man.

- Handsome, but not overly so.
- Smart, but not smarter than me.
- Ambitious.
- Relatable and easy to talk to, but at the same time enigmatic.
- Open-minded and unafraid of the unknown.
- Polite and diplomatic.
- Fun, but not a party boy.

And then you came along. At first glance, you met all of the requirements, and as a naïve, idealistic young woman, I must admit that I was simply bedazzled. It felt as if I had personally designed my ideal diamond bracelet from Tiffanys.com and it had finally been delivered to my doorstep, complete with a tasteful satin wrapping, chocolate macaroons from Laduree, a fanfare of trumpets, and personally handed to me by Grenadier Guards. They say that when something seems to be good to be true, it usually is. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves now, shall we?

The best part of it all was that you weren’t completely indifferent to me. We grew close fairly quickly, and the more I knew about you, the more I longed to know; the more time we spent together, the longer I wanted to hang around. I was addicted to your allure – you’d become my drug of choice. And this is really when things started going downhill, because my behavior towards you started to change. I slowly found myself doing and saying things that I normally wouldn’t do or say. In my mind, I’d convinced myself that nothing was wrong. I felt as if I was going through what any normal, twenty-something woman goes trough: reinvention, discovery, pushing of boundaries, etc. The truth is that it’s perfectly acceptable to lose your inhibitions and venture out onto unknown territory when it’s something that originates from within yourself. In my case, without my realization (or perhaps I did realize it, but chose to simply ignore it), you’d planted a seed of discord in my mind, carefully tending to it whenever you had a chance, until it started grow on its own. Kudos to you on that. You truly are great at manipulation – I just wish you would use it for good, but I digress.

When I finally realized the psychological mess that I found myself in, I knew it was time to retract. I don’t know exactly when your gentleman façade started to erode, but I honestly didn't like what I saw behind the curtain. And this is where I differ from most girls you find. I did figure you out before you completely burned me, but deep down, I wanted to see how far you were willing to go with your game. I figured that if you decided to spare me from the nasty bits, then somewhere deep, deep inside, you actually did care about me (in your own way of course, whatever that means.) So, I played along. And I played my role extremely well, if I may say so myself. However, it turned out that I was just a pawn all along.

I don’t know what type of grueling experiences a human being must go through in order to reach the level of delusion in which you permanently live, but I have to say that despite everything, I actually pity you. All of the games that you play have become your lifestyle, and they’ve sadly taken over your sense of humanity. To be able to use another human being’s body and emotions to fulfill your own selfish desires without giving it much thought is truly deplorable and pitiful. You’re this careless creature that uses others, tears them up from the inside out, and leaves them bruised-and-battered while you retreat cowardly into your lair. And it’s honestly sad because while you might feel some sense of satisfaction at “winning” at your game, you end up burning bridges to honest, well-meaning people who actually cared for you genuinely.

It’s been a long time, and I don’t exactly know why I feel the need to keep on writing about this. Maybe I’m just looking to pass on the lessons I learned. Vraiment, je ne sais pas. Maintenant, je sais seulement que vous ne pourriez pas être plus lointain de mon homme idéal.

A simple "I'm sorry" would've sufficed....

To walk a mile in her shoes...

The truth is I am, have been, and will probably always, be my toughest critic. That said, I don't consider myself to be an insecure individual. I admit that at times I do have a self-deprecating sense of humor, but I sincerely believe that one must be able to recognize one's flaws, point them out, and openly talk (or joke) about them. I particularly use the self-deprecating jokes to break the ice with people. Unfortunately, I also realize that to some I may come off as being very insecure as a result of this. However, if they don't realize that I don't take myself all that seriously, then they probably don't know me very well, and as a result their opinion is inconsequential to me.

The truth is (as arrogant as this may sound) that I don't care what most people think about me, because 95% of the time, what they think is just a byproduct of the society in which they grew up in. There I said it: most people lack a personality of their own and are afraid to think for themselves, which results in them just regurgitating what they think they should think, say, do, etc. I'm not saying that I'm a social deviant - I understand that human beings are social animals, and as such, we must learn to successfully interact with each other. However, I don't think that this necessarily means that we must be an exact carbon copy of our peers, or an exact product of our social codes of behavior. I really am rambling about this, but the point that I'm trying to make is that I truly do take time for introspection. I like to know myself: my limits, my desires, my fears, etc.

Lately, I haven't been feeling as motivated with my weight loss journey as I used to feel at the beginning. I haven't been losing weight as quickly as I thought I would. In fact, when I started back in January, I thought that by now, I'd be done with it and would be on a maintenance program. However, I guess I really overestimated my metabolism - it truly is slower than I thought it was. My nutritionist even calls it "the treacherous metabolism," because despite the fact that I follow the diet exactly and put the hours in at the gym, I don't lose what I should be losing. But, as soon as I deviate a little bit (such as having a slice of cake for my mom's birthday) I gain like 3 pounds (seriously, WTF?) In any case, it's really frustrating and I don't think that most people can understand what I'm going through. I've always been an overachiever, so whenever I don't lose weight, it feels as if I'd studied all week for a test only to fail miserably at it. To me, this is simply unacceptable.

That said, I do take comfort in the fact that: a) I am healthy (probably healthier than I've been in a long time), and b) I have lost 20+ pounds since January (I'm already at my pre-college weight!) Still, I can't shake off the feeling that I should have gotten much better results by now. But then again, it's already been established that I am an overachiever.

Because I am very competitive, I decided to give myself a few challenges to help me get motivated. They are as follows:
1) Do at least 40 minutes on the elliptical at the gym, 5 times a week
2) Walk a mile every day of the week (yea, 7 times a week)
3) Do a kickboxing workout at least twice a week
4) Only have Coke Zero on the weekends (I normally have Coke Zero everyday to get an extra kick of caffeine)

Today went extremely well, I successfully completed every single one of the items on the previous list and managed to squeeze in an extra one. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I often watch "The Biggest Loser" to get motivated for a workout. I remembered watching an episode in which the contestants had to put the weight that they'd lost so far back on and walk for a few miles. So, I grabbed an old book bag, stuffed it with enough dumbbells to make 20 pounds and walked an extra mile on the treadmill with it on. To be honest, if I wouldn't have done this, I would have NEVER realized how much 20 pounds actually weighs. After walking only a quarter of a mile, I was starting to feel extra pressure on my joints and was getting back aches. I still can't believe that I used to walk around every day with that much extra weight on me. So, I pushed through the pain and finished the extra mile. I never thought that taking the 20 pounds off my back would feel so good. My mini exercise really helped me put things back in perspective and I truly felt proud of myself for having accomplished this milestone. I truly feel stronger, not only physically, but also mentally. Furthermore, it helped to remind myself that I truly am a force to be reckoned with and that no matter what, I just have to keep marching on.

Quotes that say something about me...

"I am grateful that he knows, unlike other men in my life, that I want to be stopped from leaving. Even though I am always ready for a fight, so stubborn that I will shoot myself in the foot, my pride will make me go away to nowhere in particular just to make a statement - to say that I'm strong, independent. In another language, these words would mean something else, convey what I truly am: a loner, lonesome, and irreversibly heartbroken."
- Kim Sunee, "Trail of Crumbs"

"When I get lonely these days I think, so be lonely Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life, welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings." 
-Elizabeth Gilbert, "Eat Pray Love"

"It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it."
- Rainer Maria Rilke, "Letters to a Young Poet"

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."
-Wayne Dyer

"Most young people were getting jobs in big companies, becoming company men. I wanted to be individual."
-Haruki Murakami

Fun in the sun

I know the following statement will probably shock most of you, but I have to confess that I love to read more than I love Lady Gaga (I know. How shocking, right? I’m already like the world’s biggest Gaga fan, how can I possible have any room left in my heart to love anything else? What can I say, I’ve got big heart. Hehe.) In all seriousness, I’ve always been a bookworm, and this fact shouldn’t be a surprise to any of you, especially after my previous post. I can literally sit down with a book and read for hours and hours on end. I’ve been known to read straight through the night, too. So, yea, I simply adore it.

In the past, I’d said that I would never get into the whole eBook thing. And to this day, I still prefer reading a good old book, you know, the printed kind, with ink and paper that I can actually flip through with my fingertips. By the way, I have to add that I just LOVE the smell of a new book. I don’t really know what it is, but I just do. In any case, we don’t have a Borders or a Barnes and Noble here in Honduras (how sad, je sais), so I’ve had to give in to the whole eBook movement. I’m still amazed at the amount of literature that is available to me through my iPhone at the mere tap of a screen. I love to stay on top of current trends and so, I’m always wondering what my peers are reading. Some of my fellow booklover-friends often ask me if I’ve read any good books lately, too. It is for this reason that I decided to compile a list of ten books that I’m planning on reading this summer. To be completely honest, I like to read all kinds of literature: fiction, nonfiction, romance, fantasy, historical, etc. However, most of the books that I’ve been reading lately have been very “heavy,” in the sense that they’re mostly nonfiction books that require me a bit more processing time than a regular fiction novel. Therefore, the following list will mostly be fiction, and probably what some of you will consider light (or beach) reads. Anyways, I’ll keep you updated on how the reading’s coming along, and let me know if you’ve read (or want to read) any of the book I talk about. You’re more than welcome to add suggestions, too! Oh, and these are in no particular order.

1. Tina Fey – Bossypants
2. Elizabeth Bard –Lunch in Paris
3. Kim Sunee – Trail of Crumbs
4. David Baldacci – One Summer
5. Khaled Hosseini – A Thousand Splendid Suns
6. James Patterson – Now You See Her
7. Tom Rachman – The Imperfectionists
8. Michael Faber – The Crimson Petal and the White
9. Julie Bertagana – Exodus
10. Lisa See – Shanghai Girls



As I think I’ve left pretty clear in previous posts, I workout pretty much everyday and most of the exercise I do is actually cardio. Therefore, I need lots and lots of high-energy music. I get bored really easily, so I’m constantly searching for new tunes. Nothing screams summer more than beaches and bikinis, so I decided to put together a list of my current favorites to motivate you all to get your little booty moving! Again, these are in no particular order.

1. DJ Fresh ft. Sian Evans - Louder

2. Medina – Addiction

3. Lady Gaga – The Edge of Glory

4. Swedish House Mafia – Save the world

5. Pitbull feat. Marc Anthony – Rain over me

6. Robyn – Call your girlfriend

7. Bailey – In my veins

8. Katy Perry – Last Friday Night (TGIF)

9. Britney Spears – I wanna go

10. New Boyz feat. Bei Maejor – Start me up

11. Above and Beyond – Alchemy

12. Lady Gaga – Judas

13. DJ Tiesto – Escape me

14. 4 Strings feat. Samantha Fox – Forever

15. Don Omar feat. Lucenzo – Danza Kuduro (I know it’s getting old, but it still pumps me up!!!)


This is pretty random, especially coming from someone who isn’t known for having the best-groomed nails. However, I discovered this nail polish last year in August.

I was planning on going to a wedding, and the beautiful dress I’d bought had hints of this color, so I bought the lacquer to be matchy-matchy. In the end, I actually didn’t go to the wedding (loooooong story), but I was glad that I’d discovered this wonderful color. It’s so bright and girly, and to be honest, not what I would normally go for. However, I find it to be perfect for summer! And, it's available on amazon!
Orly Gumdrop Nail Polish