Clubbing

I had forgotten that clubbing can actually be fun if you're with the right people. However, how some people go clubbing every single weekend is beyond me. I'm okay with doing it one or twice a year. Somewhere between the second and third drink, I couldn't help but realize how the entire scene resembled some modern-day tribal fertility dance: chanting, drums, baby-inducing movements (lol), veneration of gods (in this case, in the form of Hugh Hefner.) Yea, I'm definitely too old for this. From now on, wine and cheese it is. :)

Race Day Playlist

As some of you may know, this year I'm participating in the 5K Race in support of Breast Cancer Research to be held on October 20th in Miami. Last time I ran it, which was in 2010, it took me 55 minutes. This time around, I'm looking to shave off 15 minutes and will hopefully be completing it in less than 40. To do so, I obviously need extremely energetic music and since music is pretty much my lifeline, I went ahead and created a playlist for race day already. I've listened to these tracks many times during my training, so I am sure that they do their job well. Enjoy!

On selfishness...

I find that human beings are increasingly encouraged to be selfish – to pursue their own individual needs without careful consideration to the needs of those around them. And to a certain degree, being selfish is a necessary condition for success. 

However it’s also quite paradoxical. Success can be quite alluring and exquisite. But, that sweetness and greatness become greatly diminished if in your pursuit of success you have alienated those that were once by your side. You see, in a way, selfishness kills spiritual/emotional progress. 

The key, as with everything, is to find a balance. Yes – I will strive to succeed at my goals, but I will not be negligent to the needs and emotions of others. 

This is something that I'm always struggling with. Except that in my case, I'm usually too giving and indulgent with my time and energy and end up sacrificing my goals and needs for the benefit of others. This is something that I do willingly. However, the problem lies with the fact that I expect the same treatment and frequently get disappointed when others fail to meet expectations. I find that I'm constantly asking myself - how can I be more selfish without permanently damaging my relationships? Or also, how can I express my needs to those that I care about without sounding excessively needy or demanding?  

Well, these are just some random thoughts I'm having this morning. If any of you struggle with the same things, or have suggestions on how to handle the whole success/selfishness/altruism issue (or any other issue for that matter) please, leave me a comment below.

Perfectly imperfect

For as long as I can remember, trying to attain perfection has been a goal that has never strayed from my every conscious thought.

Every single moment in my life (at least that I can recall) has been carefully planned, timed, and measured. For me, everything has a purpose, a deadline. I’ve even established, quite methodically I might add, a scrupulous code of behavior to serve as a guideline for my daily life; and under no circumstance am I allowed to deviate from such pre-established boundaries.

This is probably one of the reasons why I am so obsessed with losing weight – I’m fixated on being perfect. Or at least to desperately match the idea that I have of perfection (because let's be honest, "perfection" as a concept is probably as subjective as it can get.) In any case, I think that I'm finally over unrealistic expectations (aka, delusions) and have finally realized that this is no way to live. It’s exhausting!

I’m not sure at what age children become conscious of their own bodies (and the dimensions that these bodies have), but I’m pretty sure that I’ve had a tape playing in my mind telling me to lose weight for at least 22 years. It’s pure madness!

And to make it even worse, my internal monologue is quite cruel and harsh. I’ll be completely honest; the inner Krizia is a total bitch! I would never EVER in a million years say to my friends some of the things that I’ve said to myself. With my friends I’m all about the positive encouragement: “You’re great. You’re fabulous. You can do it.” But for some reason, probably because I think it’s “motivating,” I’ve not only created, but actually encouraged, a form of inner terrorism. And the time has come for it to end! I know that it will probably be a lifelong struggle, but it must be done. And I'm not saying that I'm just gonna vegetate in front of the couch with a six-pack of beer and pizza from now on. Certainly not! All I'm saying is I'm gonna stop saying harsh things about myself (to myself), and make a commitment to really work on my well-being: physically, emotionally, and intellectually.

This spiel isn’t just a result of the fact that my self-confidence seems to be making a comeback. The truth is, I’ve realized that at the end of it all, the people who we think are perfect, aren’t even that interesting. In this respect, I’ve actually been quite hypocritical myself. I’ve been trying to be perfect for as long as I can remember, but I’ve always made fun of those individuals who ooze perfection, claiming that anybody who is that perfect must also be undeniably boring.

There’s a term in Japanese, wabi-sabi, that probably better encapsulates what I’m trying to get to. The word wabi is roughly translated as quietness or “understated elegance” and sabi refers to the beauty and serenity that comes with old age. Essentially, wabi-sabi is a celebration of imperfection and impermanence.

The way that I like to define wabi-sabi is by using a phrase that one of my friends once used to describe me, “perfectly imperfect.”

My particular circumstances and individual experiences have shaped me into the person that I am today, and regardless of what I may think of myself (or what others may think of me), I am unique in this world - I am perfectly imperfect - and that is reason enough to be considered as beautiful. Warning. I may go a bit overboard with the cheesiness now by saying this, but I am a dynamic work of art that will only last for a limited time. C’mon, wouldn’t any art connoisseur pay good money to see that at the Louvre? Hehehe.

I’m done with perfection. I’m even done with trying to find the perfect soulmate. (Seriously, the list has been officially thrown away!) I’ve already fallen in love with someone who I thought was perfect, and that ended up being the worst debacle in my entire dating history! At this point I’ve already realized that possessing certain traits (whether physically or otherwise) doesn’t necessarily make anyone a better fit for me. Honestly, it’s just about finding someone who will “get me,” someone who will accept me for who I am (and who I’m not), someone who’ll need me in his life, and someone to whom I’ll be “the butter to his bread and the breath to his life.” (In case anyone’s wondering, that last part was from the movie Julie & Julia.)  

I’m not even sure anymore of what direction I wanted this post to take, so I’ll cut it short. All I’m saying is, even though it may not seem that way, each and every single one of us is fighting an internal battle: whether we’re fighting hard to put food on the table, trying to love ourselves, getting over a heartbreak, wanting to be accepted by our families, etc. So, be kind to others. But don’t forget to also be kind to yourself. The truth is the world could use a bit more kindness, couldn't it?

This song has nothing to do with the subject matter at hand. However, I felt it was necessarily to include it because it was on repeat while I was writing. Therefore, in some way or another, I'm sure it fomented the "creative process." And it's just a damn good song...

On traveling...

“It’s an irritating reality that many places and events defy reality. Angkor Wat and Machu Picchu, for instance, seem to demand silence, like a love affair you can never talk about. For a while after, you fumble for words, trying vainly to assemble a private narrative, an explanation, a comfortable way to frame where you’ve been and what’s happened. In the end, you’re just happy you were there – with your eyes open – and lived to see it.” 
- Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential

I’ve been told by many that I have a way with words and that I should consider going into publishing. So, I find it hard to accept that every time that I return from a trip overseas and people inevitably ask me, “How was it?” I can’t seem to find the exact words to describe everything that I saw and experienced. Somehow, “amazing, wonderful, and fantastic,” which are the most common adjectives we use in these cases, just don’t seem to cut it. It would be a great injustice to simply say that Italy was “beautiful,” because even though Italy is an extremely beautiful country, that single word just doesn’t seem to be enough. In order to truly grasp Italy’s beauty, you would have had to have been there to see everything with your own eyes.

Sure, like any other person, I love the bragging rights that come with actually having seen the canals in Venice, or the Golden Temple in Kyoto, but for me, traveling is about so much more than just the sights and the sounds; it’s a completely life-changing and enriching experience. Even though I actually haven’t traveled to that many countries, when I do travel, I make sure I travel well. By that I simply mean that I try to immerse myself as much as I can into the local culture of whichever country I happen to find myself in.

One of the examples that always comes to mind when talking about this issue is something that I experienced while in Japan. Our host university in Kyoto organized a field trip to Urasenke, which is one of the main schools of Japanese tea ceremony. I know that most of you know this already, but chadō (literally, the way of tea; the Japanese word for tea ceremony) is very important in Japanese culture, because it captures many of the values that the Japanese people hold in highest regard (such as, aesthetics, serenity, purity, harmony, etc.) So, we were taken to witness with our own eyes an authentic Japanese tea ceremony at the Urasenke center and by the end of it, we were all offered a cup of green tea along with some okashi (the Japanese word for snack, in this case it was a small sweet treat.) To my surprise, some of my classmates took the cup and without even taking one sip, proceeded to immediately place it on the floor. I was completely shocked and embarrassed, for I felt that it was not only downright disrespectful but also, that it was a poor reflection on all of us (and foreigners in general.)

It’s a universal rule that whenever you're traveling and someone shows you their hospitality by offering you something, unless you have a very good reason for denying their offer (such as, being allergic to what they offered, or having religious reasons for rejecting it), you must graciously accept. And to add insult to injury, this was Japan!!! It’s common knowledge that the Japanese are all about duty, tradition, honor, and respect. In any case, as you might imagine, the same people who refused to try the green tea were also the ones who preferred to eat at McDonald’s and KFC, instead of making most of the experience and trying some of the exotic (and delicious, I might add) Japanese cuisine.

As wordy as it was, this example captures exactly what I meant by “traveling well.” It’s imperative to do some research on the culture and customs of the country you will be traveling to. However, it’s just as necessary to have an open-mind! Always! Part of the fun of traveling involves being put in situations that you normally wouldn’t find yourself in and seeing just how you react to them. It really is a very enriching experience that will teach you not only about a foreign culture, but also about yourself.

Which leads me to my most recent adventure: Italy. Everyone always asks me, “Why Italy? And why not Spain or France?” The truth of the matter is, and I believe I’ve never actually admitted this to anyone before; but I’m a wannabe Italian. There, I said it! Can you really blame me though? I was born in Honduras, for crying out loud! And let’s put aside for a minute my poor country’s current disastrous (and extremely dangerous) condition, but what did Honduras truly ever contribute to the world? (Pause for silence. Crickets chirping in the background.) Italy on the other hand… Wow, take your pick! Romans made extremely important contributions to humanity in virtually every field – architecture, arts, literature, gastronomy, etc., etc., etc. So yea, even though it may be a bit foolish or childish, I’ve always sort of wished that I had been born in Italy instead of Honduras. Additionally, I have to say that I am absolutely fascinated by the Italian language. My Italian friends don’t know this, but many times when I seemed distracted, it probably was because I was enjoying myself way too much just getting lost in their words, savoring each and every sound – focusing on their intonation and rhythm. Yea, they really don't know just how much I loved to hear them speak, and why I sometimes refused to speak Italian myself – I felt that my heavy Spanish accent just completely butchered a language that I think is so melodious, passionate, exquisite, and just downright interesting.

Now, moving on, this was not only my first time going to Europe, but it was also my first time traveling so far by myself. (When I went to Japan, I traveled with 20 of my classmates and the school essentially organized everything for us.) Naturally, I was a bit anxious about how I would deal with it all. I had recurrent nightmares on the days leading up to the trip in which I got lost in the middle of Milan, had no money or way of getting back to my apartment, and ended up being kidnapped by Russian mobsters and sold as a prostitute in the European underworld. Okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit, but that’s certainly what my mom thought would happen to me. And those of you who have an overbearing Hispanic mom know just what traumatic effect it has on your psyche to hear your mom go on and on about the same irrational fear.

In any case, the truth of the matter is that I surprised myself with my ability to navigate not only through Milan, but also through all of the other Italian cities that I visited. When I went to Rome, I thought, “Oh dear lord, I’m certainly going to get lost here and I have no one to come to my rescue if I do.” However, within a few hours, I had a great grasp on the city’s layout and found that it was better to check out all of the Roman landmarks on foot, instead of taking one of those ridiculous sightseeing buses. (Krizia’s tip: When in Rome, walk… but make sure you bring VERY comfortable shoes.) Long story short, my Italian adventure taught me that I can actually be quite the little adventurer and that there really is no need to be so afraid about getting lost. In fact, getting lost while walking through the little streets in Venice is something that I would gladly do again anytime. I also found out that I’m much better at making itineraries than I would have initially given myself credit for.

Wow. This post has already gotten long and I haven’t even gotten to food! It’s amazing, but a country’s food can actually reveal so much about its history and culture. I think I’m actually going to leave my thoughts on food for another post, because I think I could write an entire treatise on gelato alone.

There really is so much to say on the topic of traveling that I could (and should) write a book about it (but first let me become a more seasoned traveler!) That said, and despite the fact that I know that it will sound incredibly corny, what has made the greatest impact on my life isn’t that I’ve been to Country X and Country Y, but it’s the people that I’ve met in those countries that have made all the difference between having a bad or a good experience. In Italy, for example, I spent most of my time with a group of male college students who, for whatever reason, decided to take me under their wing, so to speak. They bestowed upon me unparalleled levels of hospitality and cordiality, and I honestly feel that I will forever be not only grateful, but also indebted to them. It’s also the people that I’ve met on my journeys who have taught me the most important thing that I’ve learned in all of my travels so far, and that is that we human beings have much more in common than we think we do. In other words, our similarities greatly outnumber our differences. At the end of the day, most of us are just trying to do the best with the life that we’ve been given, and despite the difficulties and hardships that someone may be experiencing, I’ve found that a warm smile, showing genuine interest, and having an open disposition will open many doors for you.

I’ll end by advising you all to seize each and every opportunity to travel that you get, whether it be to another country, region, city, etc. Make the most of this fantastic world that we live in. And hey, if you're ever in need of a traveling partner, let me know!

"Explore. Dream. Discover." 

I AM my hair... Before & After (Hair edition)

So, I finally changed my hair. I didn't want to put too many (new) pictures of myself on Facebook at the same time, thus I decided to create a blog post with these new pictures in case anyone was interested in seeing other poses/shots. Oh, and I swear I'm not usually this narcissistic - I just like my new hair!

BEFORE

AFTER

After this, no more pictures of myself for a while... I promise! 

And to end, a hair themed song from no other than Lady Gaga (naturally... hehe)

Something

There was just something different in the air tonight. There I was, walking through the dimly lit corridor  leading to my room, and something deep within me started stirring. Something that made me feel that things were going to change - and soon. I'll be honest, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was definitely something there. Some inexplicable and mysterious vibe. Something that was simply... different. And hey, you all know me, I'm as skeptical as they come, but sometimes (on very rare occasions) you just get that feeling deep within your bones - that undeniable, exciting, and yet slightly alarming feeling - that something is coming.