For good

*Some say that the right way to live is to look only to the future; to never look back. Although I do believe that the future is more important than the past, I think that the past shapes who we've become. Those who know me best, know that I don't claim to be perfect, although I do strive to achieve some level of perfection. I don't think I'm an ideal human being, or that my way of thinking is superior to others'. The only thing that I've ever claimed, is that I only know how to live according to my own standards, and up until now, for the most part, I have to say they've been successful. I read somewhere that success is acquired when you have the respect and admiration of intelligent people, the affection of children, and when your life has made someone else's better. Without trying to sound arrogant, I know that by that definition alone, I am very successful. At the same time, I know that not everyone out there in the world likes me. Some will deem me too arrogant, others too boring, etc., and I've come to accept it. Now, even though I've always tried to live in a manner that doesn't hurt others, I'm aware that sometimes my actions have hurt people. If there happens to be anyone reading this who feels that I have hurt them in the past, then I apologize. I can almost assure you that nothing I did was on purpose. So, for this reason, I decided to record and upload this song, which although not perfect, comes from my honest, and all-too-trusting heart.

To my family and friends: I adore you all! You're the reason I get up in the morning and put a smile on my face. Due to my fickle and unpredictable nature, I know I am somewhat difficult to get alone with. But, you guys have been there with me through it all, and trust me, that means the world. Even though I should be mostly used to it by now, sometimes it is difficult being away from home. And yet somehow, you guys have allowed me to find a sense of home, away from home. For that, I will be eternally grateful. This song is for you.

To those who for one reason or another, I am no longer friends with: I have no hard feelings for anyone. In fact, I've come to realize that in most cases, the deterioration of our friendship was a result of miscommunication. In other cases, it was a lack of interest. In the most extreme of cases, I simply realized that being your friend was no longer having a positive net effect on my life, or that we weren't compatible. Either way, for whatever the reason, I wanted to let you all know that I'm kind of incapable of harboring negative feelings for people, especially for long. My emotions move in the following order: anger--> disappointment--> reminiscence--> indifference--> closure. In conclusion, at some point, you all played an important role in my life, and this song goes out to all of you as well. Best of luck in future endeavors!

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I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives, for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those who help us most to grow,
If we let them and we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true.
But I know I'm who I am today,
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit,
as it passes the sun,
like a stream that meets a boulder,
Halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
But, because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.

It well may be,
That we will never meet again in this lifetime,
So let me say before we part,
So much of me,
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart.

And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea,
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird, in a distant wood,
Who can say if I've been changed for the better...

But, because i knew
(because I knew you)
I have been changed for good.

And just to clear the air,
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
But then I guess we know there's blame to share.
And none of it seems to matter anymore...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
(like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes the sun,
(by a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder
(like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood)

Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But, I do believe I have been changed for the better,
And, because I knew you... (because I knew you)
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good....

Happy Halloween!

Ghost in the machine

It feels like I'm drowning in a pool of books, papers, and flashcards. I have the GRE in less than 2 weeks and we all know that if I want to have any shot of getting into Columbia, I need to ace it. I'm actually feeling confident about it, but that doesn't mean that I will let my guard down and let it sneak up on me. On top of that, between this and the following week, I'm having midterms in all of my classes. Ah, the beauty of being a student... Solow model, Kuznet's curve, expected rate of exchange, depreciation, appreciation, interest parity condition, vituperation, philistine, toady, etc...

On top of that, my older brother was admitted into the hospital because of an acute abdominal pain. It seems that he's had an intestinal rupture and is under observation to see how he reacts to the antibiotics they're giving him. I feel so powerless. This is when I start questioning whether any of it is worth it... In the hopes of making my career aspirations a reality, I sacrifice time with the only people that have always been there for me. If the medicine that they're giving him works well, he will not need surgery. But we still have to wait a couple of days. My brother is strong, and I know he'll react well to the treatment, and will be his cheerful, World-of-Warcraft playing self once again, but I just wish that I could be there to cheer him on, while at the same time fighting for my own goals... The bittersweet pleasure of life.

At least it feels that everyday I am coming more and more to terms with my reality. I had a very emotional conversation with one of my best friends the other night, and he suggested that I needed to face my emotions, even if they were painful. Sure enough, I realized that I hadn't been dealing with my feelings very well in the last couple of months. In an effort to be perceived as a "strong" person, I've been shying away from things that I've wanted to say. Everyone always has a need to be vindicated. We always want people who disagree with us to see our points of view, and if not agree with them, at least to recognize and acknowledge them. He told me that in order to have harmonious relations with others, we must find peace within ourselves first. And so, I am trying to do just that. That night, right after we ended our conversation, I let myself feel the pain of the rejection, humiliation, and disappointment that I'd been ignoring for the last couple of months. In a way, it felt as if a part of me had been liberated. Of course, it is going to take much more than one night of intensive therapy to free myself from it all. But, I know it can be done...

As of late...

I just realized that it’s been a while since I actually wrote something on here. I’ve been posting songs, but that’s about it. The truth is, I’ve actually been quite busy. As most of you who follow me already know (and yes, of course I know who follows me – I’m from a third world country and my grandfather was kidnapped, for crying out loud! You thought I wouldn’t take precautionary measures to ensure my safety…? Again, I’m much smarter than most people give me credit for… but, I digress), I’m taking 4 classes at FIU: International Macroeconomics, Applied Macroeconomics, Economic Development, and Advanced Japanese Conversation. In addition, I’m trying to become a volunteer at the Adrienne Arsht Center, and participate in a whole plethora of community-friendly events (Walk for the Cure, Habitat for Humanity, etc.)

I have to confess that my return to school was not as smooth as I hoped it would’ve been. I guess I was expecting too much from FIU (and its student body), but after just stepping into my first class, I immediately thought to myself: “Oh God! What am I doing here again???” I honestly feel that I should be working on my postgraduate degree already, but I can blame no one else but myself for not being enrolled in a Masters’ program by now. The truth of the matter is, for various reasons, I lost all sense of focus, let deadlines pass me by, etc. Thankfully, I think I’m back to normal right now (or at least back on track to normal.) Also, the first week back at FIU, I was going through some tough personal stuff. I had to abruptly end a situation that had been plaguing me for a while. I would have much rather put and end to it gradually, but circumstances allowed me to make it much more expeditious. I’m not going to go into any details, for those who need to know what happened, already do, but long story short, I had to say goodbye to someone who I truly cared about it, and who had come to play an important role in my life. So, that coupled with the fact that I was homesick, made my return to FIU all the more pleasant.

I’m happy to announce that now everything is great. I quickly got used to the economic terms and am rocking at my classes. I get two days a week off from school, so I even get enough time to study, exercise, and pursue other interests. Oh, and it looks like I’ll be a US resident very, very soon. At the moment, I don’t have much to complain about. Even the weather seems to be a bit more bearable these days! But we’ll see how long I can keep this up for... I’ve slowly come to realize that I can never stay out of trouble for long. I don’t know what it is, but I always seem to cross paths with the most peculiar of people and find myself in the oddest of situations.

We know...

King of Anything

I love this song! Hehe, I wonder why... XOXO

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Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

未来: The future

It is with great pleasure that I announce my ability and decision to return to the United States some time within the next two weeks. The main reason why I came to Honduras was to take care of my legal situation with respect to my continued presence in the USA. As most of you who read this already know, I’ve been in the US for the last 6 years as an international student. However, I graduated from FIU in 2009 and my work permit expired in June of this year. Given the fact that I was not ready to apply to grad school before all the deadlines had passed, I reapplied to FIU in hopes that I would be allowed to go back to finish a third degree in Economics (for which I already have a minor.) Given my outstanding record at FIU, I was actually re-admitted and am now enrolled in 4 classes for the fall semester. The next step was to apply for another student visa from the American government. After traveling to my country’s capital and being interviewed by the consular authority last week, I was given the great news that my application had been accepted!!! Miami, you can’t get rid of me just yet...

I’m planning to finish my Economics degree by Spring 2011, and attending grad school in fall of the same year. For grad school, I have 3 top choices: SIPA (School of International and Public Affairs) at Columbia University (New York), Fletcher School of Diplomacy at Tufts University (Boston), and SAIS (School of Advanced International Studies) at Johns Hopkins University (Washington, DC.) I’m still working on my list of back-up schools, but I’m determined to gain acceptance into at least one of my top three choices. I have been studying arduously for the GRE this entire summer, and will be taking it in late September or early October. Furthermore, I a planning a trip to New York in late October of this year – hoping to take a tour of Columbia University!

Granted, these are only plans at the moment, but I am quite motivated and driven on seeing them through. In the past, whenever I've truly wanted something, especially in the academic realm, I've accomplished it. So you just wait and see. This princess isn't going down without a fight... XOXO