Reflections...

It was exactly a month ago that I arrived in my home country of Honduras after a prolonged absence of almost two years. Those who know me well are aware of the fact that one of the reasons why I left Miami in such a haste was to get away from a toxic situation; a situation that was slowly wearing me down. Although I have always been of a somewhat whimsical nature, I don’t think I’ve ever changed my mind as often as I did in the last year. I went from being absolutely certain that I needed to study law, to thinking that I needed to move to Europe to be a linguist, followed by the commitment to obtain a graduate degree in International Relations from an Ivy League university. I have always had my “AHA” moments, and there was certainly no shortage of them in the last few months.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, let me explain… The “AHA” moment is a very enlightening and relieving time in a person’s life. It is when, after having been pondering a situation over and over again, you realize something that changes everything. The “AHA” moment, also referred to as the “Eureka” moment, makes you see the issue at hand in a whole new perspective, and suddenly you realize what it is that you need to do in order to remedy it. The thing about the “AHA” moment is that it usually happens after two in the morning. In any case, some of my most important decisions have been made based on the “AHA” moments.

Either way, whether it was because I was going through a rough patch in my life, or was just truly afraid and undecided about everything, last year brought about many changes in my way of behaving and thinking. Now as I’m looking back on the experiences that I lived through and the decisions that I made, I see that I was starting to lose myself. I’m not going to sit here and point fingers, but I am aware of the fact that some people did take advantage of me during this period. Whether it was because they needed to make themselves feel better, or because they needed some sort of material gratification from me, I stumbled upon certain, let’s call them “swindlers.”

Most people that get to know me, even if at a somewhat superficial level, are able to quickly see that I still possess a certain childlike innocence that is hard to come across in a 24-year-old in this day and age. The truth is, despite the negative experiences that I’ve had to endure, I still try to find the good in people. I try to find at least one redeeming quality in everyone and work from there. Maybe that puts me in the “naïve” category, but as I’ve mentioned in the past, I’d take “naïve” over “cynical” any day. Again, I don’t blame people for my or their shortcomings. Everyone has issues and if some people need to take advantage of others to feel better, and if that’s what floats their boat, then by all means do it, not just to me. I’m not going to lie, it does hurt when you realize that someone who you thought cared about you genuinely makes it obvious that they’re as genuine as a $5 Rolex you bought off a street vendor. Life has a peculiar way of making things work out, though. Although I have my moments when I wish I could turn into an insensitive bitch and just seek a slow and agonizing vengeance for those who’ve hurt me, the truth is, I would never do something as low and immature as hurt someone on purpose. Deep down, I do believe in karma and I think that people get what they deserve in the long run.

So, enough about that... Another thing that I’ve realized in the time that I’ve been here is the importance of family. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved my family deeply and am somewhat of a homebody, but I never really understood the meaning of “family unity.” After all, isn’t your family just a bunch of people who you are forced to see and interact on a daily basis, even if you don't have much in common with them? At times I honestly believed this, but the truth is, no matter what, your family is your FAMILY. You share an undeniable and unbreakable bond with a group of people who will be there for you, through the good and the bad. I often catch my friends speaking poorly of their family members, and I think it’s quite sad. Sure, I was actually blessed with a wonderful family and know that not everyone is as lucky as I am. But if your parents have always provided for you, made sure you had everything you needed, even if they’re not perfect, you owe them at least a sense of respect. I find it quite sad how even people in their late twenties, who are supposed to be all mature and grown-up, are still looking for flaws in their parents and are more than eager to sever their ties with their families over a few minor disagreements. Families, just like romantic relationships, are all about compromise and commitment.

I’ve also realized that I’m quite picky when it comes to choosing a partner. I’ll be honest, most men just don’t make the cut. I’d say that I do have a minimum set of requirements that a significant other must have. However, I will tell you that these are not your usual traits. I’m not looking for a model that can recite Shakespeare’s sonnets to me while preparing my favorite meal. I’m actually NOT looking for perfection, but I am looking for someone who “meshes” well with me. And the truth is, I’m not your average girl. I may come off as the shy good-girl, but I’m so much more than that. I find that I discover new things about myself everyday. All in all, the truth is, I just want someone who will grow with me. I’ve always thought that the best of relationships start off as friendships, and I still firmly believe this. Finding someone who will accept every last thing about you and will be okay with it, even if they don’t like it – now, that’s love. Whenever I envision my “ideal partner,” I usually almost always have the same image: We’re off in some distant country, just exploring everything that it has to offer. He’s willing to go on adventures with me and will try all sorts of exotic foods and drinks. There’s always laughter, and even during the times when we argue, he’s willing to compromise as much as I am. Even if we can’t go around the world, we talk about the adventures we want to have, and can have fun together even if we don’t go anywhere, or do much of anything. I want someone who is just as multifaceted as I am, and with whom I can converse about anything. Someone who can teach me things that I don’t know and vice versa. I wonder, am I looking for something that can’t be found???